A podcast that listens, hears, and offers wisdom & hope from caregivers who have lived the experience.

A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

365 Caregiving Tips

356 Caregiving Tips

00:00:00 – 00:05:01

(Intro)

We know that caregiving is tough emotionally, physically, spiritually and intellectually. We also know it can be rewarding and full of love, surprise and adventure. Sometimes we laugh, cry or scream but always we advocate and we always support each other. Three hundred and sixty five caregiving tips, practical tips from everyday caregivers is the beginning of a series of books created with the intent of helping others through their caregiving journey. The tips are practical because as caregivers we have to be practical. We have to make the most of our limited time money and energy, and these tips are designed with those limited resources in mind. Read one tip a day or enjoy them all at once. Our hope is that by sharing these tips, your caregiving day will be easier and your load a little lighter. Stay tuned and enjoy some tips now. 

(Sponsor Plug)

This episode is brought to you by Caregiver Chronicles, an eight week online course from diagnosis through hospice. For more information, use the link in the show notes. 

(Jennifer)

Welcome to Fading Memories, a supportive podcast for those caring for a loved one with memory loss. I had so much fun with today’s guest that I invited her back, so thanks for joining me Gincey.

(Gincy)

 Oh, Jennifer thank you for having me back! It was alotta fun the other day. I really enjoyed it. 

(Jennifer)

Me too! So today we’re gonna talk about your book, three hundred and sixty-five caregiving tips. 

(Gincy)

Correct!

(Jennifer)

I love it when the brain cells actually work. 

(Gincy)

I know, it’s always encouraging isn’t it? I don’t know about you but mine feel like they’re working a lot less these days. I keep losing things and I know they’re in my house somewhere. But where?

(Jennifer)

How did you come up with three hundred sixty five caregiving tips? 

(Gincy)

Well, I am one of actually five co-authors on our books. Here is – this is our first book. Three hundred sixty-five caregiving tips, practical tips from everyday caregivers. And we started with that one, we are five caregivers who just met online. So there’s me and I take care of my husband and there’s Kathy. Her husband passed away but he had dementia with Lewy bodies. There’s Peggy and her husband had a variety of issues. There’s Trish who’s much as she doesn’t agree she really is kind of the brains behind the whole thing. So let’s give credit where credit’s due and her brother has had epilepsy his whole life. It’s very severe and then her husband Richard who’s actually also the fifth of the co-authors. Poor guy with the four of us women. He has his own issues for being hit by a drunk driver years ago, and then his mother recently passed away but she also had health issues as well. So that’s how we are all these five caregivers and like I said we just met online and read you know we sit with each other and Trish came up with the idea of, Hey you know what about this? So we’d said sure and there’s sixty five days in a year , three hundred and sixty-five tips, somehow it was a good pitch until you’re trying to squeeze out three hundred sixty five tips. 

(Jennifer)

 I was gonna say you guys met online before meeting online was required?

(Gincy)

 Yes, we did. Yes we did. Yeah, and actually I haven’t ever met Peggy in person. But you know we talk on the phone and we all get along and so we have written books actually through email. 

(Jennifer)

That’s cool. That’s going to be the norm for a while and I think.

(Gincy)

 It is. So we send all our tips into Trish and she’s the one who puts them all together and publishes them through Lulu.com.Which has been a great, great resource for us. It’s been a great way to publish our books. We can do print books and we can do the e books and it’s really nice and right now people you can just go in there and grab an e book. Trish and I share the social media job for our group.So  every other week it’s you know her turn or mine. So I’ve been – So I started doing video in the last month, it seems like it was ages ago doesn’t it? About five weeks ago I think and because one day it was my week to post. It was just like somehow coming up with cute graphic and typing something up was way too much effort and it seemed to be easier to just be like hi! I’m Gincy with three hundred sixty five tips, and here’s a tip for you today. So I keep the videos under a minute, because if you make them over a minute Instagram actually makes you turn it into a story. So I figured  who wants to listen very long although we did a story about that earlier and we have been – Here I go again, just taking over your interview.

00:05:01 – 00:10:01

(Jennifer)

That’s okay! 

(Gincy)

Our chapters are things like general caregiving, medications, bathing and dressing, mealtime, mobility, incontinence, advocacy ,and time management. Holidays and travel ,self care, wound care, chronic pain management ,and final tips and then a little bit about the authors. Then we followed it up with a travel and respite version. And this one is what it says, it’s about traveling together by air, sea, and land pretty much hotel accommodations, dealing with medications, and mealtime and mobility, and incontinence. And then respite, when you’re gonna take some time and maybe you’re loved one’s going to stay at a facility for a short while while you take a break or even just taking a break. And we include Self Care Quick Refreshers in this book. Well after we published the second book Cathy said,you know, I’ve just really gotten this feeling. I think we need to publish books in Spanish ,that’s really cool idea isn’t it! None of the five of us speak Spanish.

(Jennifer)

 You’re in southern California,that’s it’s even worse than my lack of Spanish.

(Gincy)

 I took German in high school, okay. You know and I never regretted it to tell you the truth, but I don’t think I need  Spanish anymore because I’m stubborn. So Cathy started using Google translate and then someone looked at it and said, Oh dear God no, you can’t do that. Well about the same time, she knew someone and actually knew the wife and the husband had been a professor of Spanish and he had had some health problems and he wasn’t able to work. And was looking for something to do and some of the E books are in Spanish. 

(Jennifer)

And then I learned quickly Google translate is okay. We had a French student stay with us for a month for the month of July twenty eighteen. And I’m in the part of Contra Costa County that grows Brentwood sweet white corn. I’m like I know that corn is, well I googled it because I wasn’t sure what corn on the cob was in French. Even though I took French in high school, nobody around here speaks it. So yeah, don’t either anymore.

(Gincy)

 It’s been a couple years. 

(Jennifer)

Yeah you know and the High School French teacher she was not very nice- like she did not make it an enjoyable experience. My husband and I keep threatening to do babble or duo lingo or a podcast that help you learn languages because our you know, we ever get to leave Brentwood again and we’d like to go to France. 

(Gincy)

Something to look forward to. 

(Jennifer)

Fortunately, we’re still young enoughish that should be fine. United Airline owes us two flights because they won’t give us our money back for the Hawaii trip that was canceled. They’re good for two years and there’s another Rotary Convention next year I think. That’s the whole problem, It’s like it’s supposed to be in Taipei.  So even that’s that’s even okay but I don’t know if we’re going or not.  You never know, hell I’d even go to Canada at this point. I like Canada alot. 

(Gincy)

Come down to southern California at this point though.

(Jennifer)

True! I love southern California too. So anyway, I googled this poor kid, I don’t know, he’d been awake for twenty four hours. I type in corn on the cob into Google translate and he goes  no, no, no no.And he said he looks at my phone and he goes no that’s maiz. That one I know because you know theres alot of native americans around here.

(Gincy)

 I didn’t know that it was the same. Look at that we’re bilingual -trilingual and we didn’t even know it.

(Jennifer)

 I know it’s fantastic. But I’m glad that you found somebody that needed a purpose and you needed help. That is such a great thing. We all need purpose. So let me throw out- might wanna get your books handy, the English ones.

(Gincy)

 Actually I was gonna say we have one more book too.  It’s a hospital, care facilities, and hospice book. So it’s definitely not the favorite book, but it’s still a needed book. So now I’m ready, except Spanish one’s we’re gonna throw off to the side. 

(Jennifer)

Don’t try to reference those, we would be here all day. 

(Gincy)

Oh good, I can use my phone and use Google translate. 

(Jennifer)

That’ll be interesting.

(Gincy)

 Oh yeah.

(Jennifer)

 That’d make for some good laughs,  I don’t know if it would help people. And so this is a giant curveball so if we need to come back to this one let me know. I have a lot of people reach out to me and say being in isolation has been detrimental for their loved ones and a lot of them, their loved ones are in closer to the later stages or are in later stages. And It’s hard like one gal her – it’s interesting her dad actually reads, he’s ninety three and he has lewy body dementia.

00:10:02 – 00:15:01

And we did catch up episode with her on how it’s going with the isolation and he was reading in the background the whole time. And she goes  I hope that wasn’t too bad. I’m like, oh, it’s flavor. You know it is what it is. But she’s having trouble because she’s the daughter and the caregiver can’t come for a while because her sister got sick. They have to isolate her so they don’t bring it to him, but he’s not eating much. Not drinking and she’ll hold the cup to his lips and he just ignores it. Sounds a lot like my mom was. You know it’s it’s I think it’s a parent-child dynamic. 

(Gincy)

Yeah I think that’s part of it. 

(Jennifer)

Her brother did get more liquid into him than she did and she didn’t get watermelon into him.

(Gincy)

 Well, that’s good. 

(Jennifer)

Yeah. That was my first suggestion. So do you have any ideas on how people that are living in isolation and they’re seeing their loved ones decline rapidly like they can see a huge difference between two months ago and now. What they might be able to do? I don’t know that there’s an answer to that .I thought to just throw out the big question first. 

(Gincy)

Well as far as the drinking I thought is something like a straw.  If they have a straw that they can use because some that might – I mean I know we outlawed those in California too but…

(Jennifer)

I have metal ones in my purse.

(Gincy)

 I have plastic ones from before, from quite a while ago.

(Jennifer)

 I think I do somewhere in the crafting stash. 

(Gincy)

We all have a straw somewhere, so my thought would be to try a straw. My next suggestion would be to flavor it ,if they’re trying to get water down  flavor it with anything. I don’t really like Vodka but mabe. But I do mean like put juice in it or if your big issue is just trying to get liquids in them you know who cares if you’re giving him juice has sugar unless they are diabetic and that’s a separate issue. But what I’m saying is pretty much try anything at that point. Chocolate milk? What do you have? 

(Jennifer)

Her brother brought gatorade. And that helped that I’m not a huge gatorade fan because one it doesn’t taste great but anything that’s that bright blue or bright orange I don’t think that looks too good for you but hey,

(Gincy)

How old is he, ninety something?  

(Jennifer)

Ninety-three.

(Gincy)

Ninety- three he can drink gatorade. Bright blue is okay. 

(Jennifer)

She was she’s concerned that he’s depressed and because you know they’re social day program is canceled. Although the gal that’s running it has been working with the state which has a Californian yourself that  moves a little slower than we’d like to reopen with limited people. Like two or three instead of I dunno six or eight. So what I suggested to her, I said you know my maternal grandfather always said, we don’t get out of this life alive. And nobody I know has and I said, you know go to the church and meet. There’s another gal in our support group who’s taking care of her husband. Meet them to sit on different benches right? We what are we protecting them from? If they’re just GONNA be ten times worse in three or four months.

(Gincy)

No, it’s true. You know it’s true. 

(Jennifer)

I mean different for your husband because he’s not that old .At ninety three he’s lived. 

(Gincy)

Yeah, definitely. I mean I would say get him out maybe in the front yard on a chair and let the neighbors know in advance and ask them if they’ll come walk by the house and visit him.

(Jennifer)

 That’s a great idea I keep offering I’m like, Hey, just give me your address. My husband will ride our bikes by, they cant be that far away from us. And we could just talk at him. 

(Gincy)

Yes and ask a couple people. Hey can you drive by with a sign that says hi or with a balloon or was it something you like they’re doing with the virtual birthday parties for people and and not to be mean but if he has any form of dementia, perhaps the same people could just drive up and down the street a few times. He might find that entertaining. You know if you have the passenger side towards him one time that’s one person he can talk to, and if you have the driver’s side towards him thats another person he could talk to. It might be an idea to give him some level of stimulation. 

(Jennifer)

I’m gonna text her that idea when we’re done because that’s a fantastic idea. I’ve been racking my brain and I guess I was thinking a little too literal like what can I do to help? So that’s something.I  know she takes him for drives. It was funny she texted me video, they had gone through the Dutch Brothers drive through. It’s a coffee place we just got one in Brentwood.

00:15:02 – 00:20:01

They have a double drive. I’m gonna date myself here remember here, remember the Little Photo Matt Booths?

(Gincy)

 Yes!

(Jennifer)

Okay. They’re about that size, maybe a little the they’re about that size with two, like a double drive-thru. And prior to nobody getting go away. It  had cars like all the way around. It was crazy and ours literally just opened like three or four months. What time they opened in February, yeah terrible timing. So they had gone there and gotten something to drink and he was I think he was drinking. He had the cup in his hand and he’s literally reading something about guaranteed blah blah blah. It was a little bit hard to understand, but he’d like kept turning the cup and reading and around and I’m like, oh my god. I told her you need a square cup, someplace to stop. 

(Gincy)

Yes. That would be helpful. But I thought your suggestion of meetings some other people like in a church parking lot or something I think that’s a great idea.

(Jennifer)

 There’s a winery we do grow a lot of wind grapes out here too that had –  Basically had a  like a vehicle wine club. So basically, everybody pulled into the circle drive of this winery, it’s like a ranch. Not quite like Napa, nice, but not quite like Napa. And I think they had ended up with one hundred vehicles that came through picking up their wine. I guess it was a social distancing wine club event. And they had a guy you know they had a big patch of grass,really large section of lawn and this guy sat out there and played on his guitar. So people got to hear music and get out of their houses. It was you know a nice sunny day, and the workers were bringing bags, you know the masks and the gloves on and It didn’t seem a lot of fun to me, but apparently, people had a lot of fun. 

(Gincy)

That’s good. I think our perspective funds sort of changing as well. I’m excited if I see neighbors talking outside at a safe distance and I can go join them. I feel like oh my god so cool. 

(Jennifer)

But my mom was in a care residence and I know a lot of people think ,Oh you put your loved one to memory care in your caregiving days are over. 

(Gincy)

No they’re not only that’s only the beginning.

(Jennifer)

 No its no fun when they call you up and say your mom needs new shoes, your mom needs this and that. And I’m like you couldn’t tell me that yesterday was there. Or I get there and they say your mom needs toilet paper she needs these toiletries or whatever. It’s like it couldn’t told me on my way here now.

(Ginsy)

 I understand because my dad ,actually my mom had passed away unexpectedly and even in the hospital my Dad was like I guess  I’m going to come and live with you. She’s not dead okay, like okay dad you know we can deal with this. So he came and lived with us. They had retired to Arizona and you moved back to Orange County and lived with us for about three or four months that I knew my dad was like and one day he says on a Wednesday I want to move on Saturday. So I had scoped out the places between the time my mom passed away when he moved out here. And then I took my husband and son kind of all agreed on one. So it was finally at a place for him to live and it was a senior apartment sort of, but I knew from my mom talking about this aging in place thing that that’s what I needed to look for. So that was perfect because he lived in this apartment from when he moved in and he was independent for a man with a walker who had had as many TIA’s in the  eighties until he passed away in his bed in that apartment room in in his apartment on hospice twenty five months after my mom died. But as you say, you know and what was nice was he could live in their while he was on hospice, we could get more nursing care from the same place, the bill just went up depending on what he needed. But you are not kidding, you’re still caregiver your the one who gets the call saying hi dad choked on something while at lunch so we did the Heimlich on him but he’s fine.

(Jennifer)

You’re like okay, so why did you call me?

(Gincy)

 One day we were at a restaurant where we had just come back from being at boy scout camp for a week without son. ANd we were at a restaurant that was basically on the diagonal corner from his apartment complex and I see the nine one one call going to his Apartment Complex. And then my phone rings, yeah you’re Dad’s having a problem and the paramedics are here. Yeah I could see, we’re gonna finish eating, and then I’m coming to the hospital don’t worry.

00:20:02 – 00:25:02

So yes, I agree that even if your loved ones in a facility, no, you are still the primary caregiver. Your days are not over at that point.

(Jennifer)

 Nope. I think that’s one of the things that’s really weird because it’s been twenty days since my mom passed away. I’m doing better this week than Saturday. Saturday was rough. This week has not been- it’s only Monday.

(Gincy)

Even, if one day is good, that’s the good thing because some days are good and some days just aren’t. 

(Jennifer)

What are your favorite tips? That would be the best way to go.

(Gincy)

Okay. Well, I have been sharing tips like I said, one a day  for social media. And so I’ve been trying to pick some tips out of our Books and what’s funny is our first book was published in twenty sixteen which at this point is almost like a lifetime ago in everything that’s changed but then again, January twenty twenty would be a lifetime ago in some ways.

(Jennifer)

 Was for me, living in a different house, still had a mom, had a photography business.

(Gincy)

Oh my!  So one of the interesting things was that in our book tip number fifty seven from our first book was attend events and see distant family members without leaving home. And it talked about using facetime or skype. And maybe Zoom too, if that even  existed at that point. To attend a wedding, a family gathering, or seek family and friends at the holidays can’t make a trip. So it’s stuff that’s very relevant to what we’re doing today. But you know this, tip twenty six take pictures or make videos. Like may not be picture perfect but you’ll be grateful for those pictures of your loved one with your family and friends in the future. We did a zoom Easter on Easter and I made sure to take a picture of all of us on the  zoom screen together because that was what Easter was this year.

(Jennifer)

 I can attest to the fact that I don’t know if it was the day that my mom died or the day after, but I looked through all the little videos and all the photos that I’ve taken for myself, but also for my social media. Because I would take videos to kind of document what late stage Alzheimer’s looks like.It was hard because it felt like a violation, I knew she wouldn’t like it if she was in her right mind the but I’m like I encounter people who are beyond clueless as to what late stage is like and I have learned, and unfortunately it was a little little late in the game learning some of the stuff. But you have to be as prepared for what it looks like at the end because I kind of felt like especially in the last ten months like I was literally chasing the diamond ring down the drain. I kept thinking I just gotta catch up to where she is so we can you know or she needs to stop declining. So I can get to you know a solution point a can’t fixing the problem that keeps changing. 

 Like right at the end this like some things just clicked into place; better late than never I guess. And I’m like, okay this is this is kind of one of the messages going forward is in and it was the message all the way through for the podcast, but it was like. The more you know, the easier this will be to deal with because this is not an easy disease to deal with. And what works today might not work tomorrow, but then it might work again next week and then you might have pandemic that just throws everything up in the air.

(Gincy)

Who woulda guessed that one, right?

(Jennifer)

 Now it’s funny because some of the videos when I was doing them. It’s like man this is weird like I have one I need a need send it to my uncle because my mom was talking about how her brothers were normal people now. And I was like Okay I don’t know what they were before but now they’re normal people. So I guess that’s good and then she started talking about how she was the first in her family and then she started talking about some woman. I’m like this is like literally mental pinball  and I’m just you can hear me oh okay, your brother’s a normal person. Okay. Oh. Oh she did. Oh. Okay. Sometimes I’d go home and be like oh my god I feel like just punched the crap out of my brain. Now I look at it and I can even though it hasn’t been very long I can look back and be like that’s actually kind of funny. 

(Gincy)

Yes. Yeah. Because that’s actually a tip in one of our books. You have to be able to see the humor in these things. And it’s okay to laugh, you know. You’re not laughing at the person. You’re just laughing because things happen and you’d better realize they’re actually kinda funny and sometimes if you’ll laugh you’re gonna cry and it’s not bad to cry. But you don’t want to be in that state all the time. 

(Jennifer)

No.That’s not a fun state.The other thing with the videos and the photos is looking back over the last two years of them or three years I.

00:25:02 – 00:30:01

Guess. It was very comforting because it’s like I could not have done a better job. I could have known more, maybe learn things faster but you know I did as best I could and it was a dang job if I do say so myself. I don’t need to prove that to anybody else, it was really nice to be able to look at that, and you know because the endless kind of not fun for anybody. And you know I’m really glad knowing what I know that we might not be visiting loved ones at  all for a long time, guess she picked a good time to go. 

(Gincy)

Yeah. So I’ve heard it said many times you can only make a decision at the time based on the information you have and the resources you have and the abilities you have. You could of never made a decision in February to stock up on that darn toilet paper. Because now you can look back and say I should have bought toilet paper  you know as an example, you know true any of these things I mean one day I was beating myself up his she’s been like more on board about like buying facemasks. Seriously how could I possibly know, even three days before I thought of it. We’re really good at beating ourselves up when we’re caregivers. And it doesn’t help the situation, it doesn’t make you feel better either but we do it anyhow. But here’s another tip. This is actually in the travel and respite books. And this is healthcare quick refresher. And it’s tip  three twenty five trying to make a special treat or time for you every day for ten or fifteen minutes maybe all you have but even for right now caregiver or not.

 That is such a valid tip because we’re trying to work from home were spending more time than ever on work and yet were you know parents are also raising their kids while the’re working. When my husband and I went for a walk yesterday we talked to some neighbors who were out with their kids. They were in their driveway and we were across the street. It was all safe I promise. And if we call them a young couple, you know they might be in their thirties. I don’t know how old they are. They have two children who are two and four and both the people in a couple are attorneys. So I said, Oh you guys are working from home they say yea that they know my sons in law school.  Basically I used to get all my billable hours in between eight am six, pm and I had you know eight or nine ten hours a day, and he said now to get that I work till eleven pm at night. Because he said, you know I’m trying to deal with two kids and being at home. And being a parent at the same time working and it’s just not working.

(Jennifer)

 That’s rough. I’ve heard people broadcasters that are interviewing people have to say it makes me nuts that these broadcasters can’t figure out how to do a zoom call without that echoey sound. Stop using the microphone on your computer. Bring one in from the you know the CNN headquarters or wherever. Buy one on Amazon, that’s what I do. I’m not sure, maybe they don’t have ones that have attached computers. They have big fancy ones, but still it’s like come on. I started podcasting in the closet and I’ve heard podcasters that are like big ones that now all the hosts are basically broadcasting from the closet. Well I turned my whole office into a sound booth.

(Gincy)

 But on that working from home, have you seen the weatherman? Think his name is Jeff Lyon or Lyons with an s and he’s been broadcasting the weather from home. So it would be like if you hear any noise, it’s because my cat is trying to get into this room and so he has Betty the weather cat who assists him sometimes now because hes working from home and she wants to be right there.

(Jennifer)

 I wonder how that’s actually gonna change the way things are in the future because you know we’re not gonna want to go back to your basic polished smooth weather reports or news report. We’re going to wanna see Betty the weather cat.We’re gonna wanna see people’s offices and homes and you remember the I think he was a British journalist I think.

(Gincy)

The one who had the little kids came in while he was on the air. 

(Jennifer)

Yeah. Then his wife chased the man. was hysterical. Then they interviewed him like two years later. So the kids are all -You know it’s like two years ago. That was like I went viral because like oh my goodness. Did you see this poor guys kids and his wife ran in, it was chaos in the background. Now people are like this is boring where’s the dogs, where’s the excitement? I

00:30:02 – 00:35:02

Think we’re going to want to see more of that and it’s gonna be interesting. 

(Gincy)

Well, I think we’re living it.

(Jennifer) 

Yeah. They’ll probably try to go back to smooth and polished and slick, and all the way it was before then people will be like yeah I kinda liked it the other way too. They’re gonna figure out they can figure out some way to do both I’m sure. 

(Gincy)

Well, asking though about the tips on the hospital, care facilities, and hospice book. Here’s a couple that might be useful for you to keep in mind. Tip three sixty four: give yourself as much time as you need to breathe. And tip three sixty five remember to be kind to yourself. And know you have done your best. 

(Jennifer)

That’s why I drove to Michael’s all the way you know twenty-five miles away and back to pick up some supplies to do some nice things. Even if I make these cards for the care home mom was in or the teenager that’s trying to do senior pen pals with one – We have an assisted living community here that has no memory care which not why they ever built one of those. She’s tried, they are one hundred eighteen residents and she says she wants to get each one of them a penpal.  My friend who’s taking care of her dad, see now I’m just transferring what I do for my mom to this person. She is struggling because it’s just the two of them in the home and they used to have caregivers I think five or six days a week if not seven. While he had the day program four days a week I think basically seven days a week she had help in one way or the other right now, she has like one. She’s having trouble taking a shower ,I mean he read the book right next to her while she was talking with me for the podcast because he won’t go in another room without her. If she’s in another room, he will follow her. Is that ten or fifteen minutes I don’t you know. She’s struggling to figure out how to get a shower.

(Gincy)

 I bet, does he sleep at night? 

(Jennifer)

Yeah, not as good as he was when he was more active.

(Gincy)

 I bet that would be a reason to get out on the porch and interact a little bit with people, maybe take him for a walk if he’s mobile because you want to tire them out. Maybe if she can get him out on the porch and get people to drive by way, she can take out a glass of iced tea. Long. Island iced tea or just sweetened iced tea or something that she can for a moment even maybe for her I hate to say it’s going to be a minute at a time to get that ten or fifteen minutes from the sound of it. 

(Jennifer)

I’m definitely texting her the idea of having the neighbors drive by.I might be able to get my rotary club bunch of people, there’s one hundred of us in our club I bet you I could get some of us to do that drive by. 

(Gincy)

That’ll be great and maybe she could make that even rather than having a hundred people drive by in one day. She’d like to have twenty people by for five days or once a week have ten people drive, seeing what she thinks might work. 

(Jennifer)

If we do try one, try ten people one day and see how he reacts right, that’ll be great.  I should write that down before I forget.

(Gincy)

 You can always send me a text or an email. 

(Jennifer)

I can always watch this too. 

(Gincy)

Oh yeah you can always watch this too huh.I know a great podcast where you can learn all about it.I should tell you we are working on our fourth book now. 

(Jennifer)

Oh awesome!

(Gincy)

 And it is going to be- We may not call it three hundred sixty five caregiving tips because it’s more like three hundred sixty five tips for human beings because it’s going to be all self care. 

(Jennifer)

That’s a good idea. 

(Gincy)

And because he doesn’t need self care.

(Jennifer)

Even pre pandemic we all needed to do that.  

(Gincy)

Yeah. But now you kind of realize, oh yeah I probably need to do those things and I mean I just kind of roll my eyes like I was reading a newspaper article about all the important things you need to be doing to stay healthy during this and you need to go outside in the sun and get vitamin D, and I’m  now I’m like great the world’s gray and overcast so that was out. And, of course, you need to really be sleeping really well because that’s important and then where I thought was hysterical because everything about this it seems like there’s controversial information. Or at least contradicting information. One one point was about taking a shower. And I was recording this reading it for a class that I teach. I was trying to share these self care tips with them. I was like take a really hot shower because then you sweat and get all this stuff out or take a really cold shower because it’s good for this and this and that, and I’m just like take a shower and get clean. I don’t want to sweat. I don’t wanna get out of a shower sweaty and I don’t like a cold shower.

00:35:02 – 00:40:08

(Jennifer)

So let’s do a couple more self care tips because everybody needs those right now.

(Gincy)

Oh man you are just not kidding right man.Let’s see what book do I want to pull from.Give me a moment. Well here we go. This also applies to your friend. This is actually from the hospitals, care facilities, and hospice book but if for each of those things we included self care you know. And this one is tip three hundred forty two: taking time for yourself may include regrouping in a quiet area of the house or stepping out into the backyard for a few minutes.

(Jennifer)

 I did that a lot, it was easier to regroup outside of the backyard when they had coyotes and falcons and hawks,cottontail bunnies and ground squirrels to deal with. Now there’s humans. 

(Gincy)

Now another tip that’s right in there. The same chapter actually, same book is so pertainaint for right now. And I know it doesn’t apply for everyone, but I’m going to share it anyway it’s tip number three hundred forty. If you could not be with your loved one for a period of time call to keep in touch. When we wrote the book that was not what we envisioned or this we envisioned you went away on respite for a day or two. Or you you had to go out of town on a business trip you know those weird things from the past. And I know that talking on the phone doesn’t work for everyone or using zoom. I know that all those technologies and even I mean I saw it as a technology anymore, I know those things don’t work for everyone but sometimes you have to try and maybe try to get next week or try it on a different day or even tried at a different time of day. Like maybe with this gentleman. Maybe, if he could have friends or relatives who could be on zoom call with them or facetime with them, even for a couple of minutes that would give him someone else to see. 

(Jennifer)

 I have a suggestion for that because my mom’s visual processing was so crappy. She couldn’t interpret what she would see on an iphone . I never tried with my ipad . I have an Ipad mini. We have a smart TV now, although  it’s an Android TV and we’re like an apple household. So that’s it’s like sort of smart TV. But we have put the zoom calls like – airplay from the computer or the phone or whatever onto our big eighty,- I let my husband buy a eighty five inch. I just have a tip on that one. Make sure you can find a console that goes underneath it that’s as big because I think it’s seventy two inches wide or so. It’s not eighty five inches wide. So TV measurements are weird but it’s slightly wider than the console that’s underneath it, the cabinet. And being an artist photographer person it drives me bonkers. If we had just gotten one that was the same width, but we got the TV and then we looked at  consoles. Don’t do that. It looks a little odd but if I think the care home that my mom was in I think they must have had a smart TV. They could have put me up on there and had her sitting there. That probably would’ve worked a whole lot better than the phones they were trying to use. I didnt even bother with that  ’cause well, she wasn’t awake most of the last two weeks never mattered.

(Gincy)

Well this is back in the caring for you section of hospitals. It’s a tip number ninety eight and ninety nine.Ninety eight is be sure to nourish and hydrate , your loved one needs you at the top of your game to advocate for them as number ninety eight. And number ninety nine is take breaks so you do not wear yourself out back to those breaks. Remember to use the bathroom . It says it is amazing how we get so focused on our loved one that we forget basic needs ourselves. 

(Jennifer)

I don’t usually have a problem with that one. But that’s because I have a tiny bladder.

(Gincy)

But a lot of people it’s like I need to go to the bathroom but say I’ll just put it off and I’ll put it off. Just go to the bathroom and it sounds kind of funny but if you need to use the bathroom and it’s okay to go.You know one of the things is to and this is probably more than one but keeping your phone and your devices charged or having having one that you can grab or if you have a to go kind of bag ready. For anytime you need to leave the house. Especially, like God forbid somebody has to go to the hospital right now you’re not gonna be able to join them but you’re gonna need to get in touch with people.

00:40:08 – 00:45:04

So make sure you’ve got your charger with you, and this is when also those things come in handy that I have at least one of them that you know you get free from somewhere the little device that you charge the device and that device you can use to charge your phone or charge your Ipad. Those silly until the first time we need one and may come in really handy. 

(Jennifer)

Those are great for travelling. So get one for that traveling thing we used to do. But if you  have one of those get it out and charge it up. 

(Gincy)

And even making sure that you have on your phone those phone numbers or that personal information you might need because you know you back before cell phones like when I was growing up, I had everybody’s phone number memorized if I called on a regular basis. And now it’s like, yeah, my neighbor’s last name, it’s look under their name you’ll find it. But the problem is you know, let’s say there is about one or two numbers you have memorized. And in a moment of panic, you may not remember it. If that was the one you need.  So  put them in there. You’re having a phone number and more than one place is easy. That’s you know it’s really with our phones these days it’s really not hard. You’ll have fifty scraps of paper or a phone phonebook, yes I still have one that you’re carrying around. That has someone’s name and number or use your phone, make good use of it and put that stuff in there. You know why you’re watching too much TV or tiger king or one of those shows. Go weed out the phone numbers because if you’re looking at a phone number and your phone and your going who is this person they probably don’t need to be there. 

(Jennifer)

Make sure your information is updated.I did not realize until this past October twenty nineteen that I did not have my home address in my part of the content like my personal part on the contact. So I knew once I got from downtown LA onto the freeway that I’ll be able to get home. It’s I-5 ,it’s not hard to get right. But I did not know how to get from the hotel to the freeway so I push the button on my steering wheel to get directions to home and it said I don’t know where you live and I thought that’s just rude. While I was waiting for the Michael’s people to put that stuff in my trunk I went in and put in my address and my phone. Having your stuff updated is extremely important, and then I have another tip trying to keep like a protein bar or some kind of snack in your purse because I swear you know you think i’ll just run into the vending machine and all that stuff’s crap and is not good for you. You know sometimes you just don’t feel like you can go all the way to the cafeteria or Mom is taking forever and you’re getting a little hungry and you don’t wanna get angry so eat a little bit of your protein bar. 

(Gincy)

Or exactly that the first time when my mom was in the hospital, the first time was the only time and it was the end. It was all all in one fell swoop. It was eleven days in the ICU. You didn’t have a happy ending and so we get to the hospital and we all go down to grab something to eat. So, I remember I had gotten a sandwich and it was just all I could do to get a half a sandwich in. So I took the other half with me. Wasn’t bad. It was a good sandwich and later I’m in the waiting area up at the ICU and this is a pretty ritzy ICU you get free Graham crackers and free coffee. But this gentleman came up an older gentleman whose wife had just been admitted to the ICU and he was looking at the vending machines and somebody said go downstairs and get something to eat from the cafeteria and I said you can’t they actually closed and I said you can’t eat that. But I have this perfectly good half a sandwich that I honestly haven’t touched. So it’s yours if you’d like it. So I gave it to that gentleman because just as you say, you have no –And men don’t normally carry purses so you don’t have a snack in your purse. You’re going to eat some junk out of the vending machine. Besides the Graham crackers. 

(Jennifer)

Yeah and if you’re hungry and you eat sugar it’s gonna spike your blood sugar, which is not good for you, and then it’s gonna come back down rapidly and you just might be. You might not mentally be,  you might not have mental clarity to deal with all of the thousand things that they expect you to deal with all at once, which is frustrating. Or you might get irrationally angry at somebody who’s just trying to do their job. Screaming at nurses is probably not a wise idea normally. Do you have one last really good tip you wanna share and then I’ll let you zoom with somebody else?

(Gincy)

 I do! I want to share  tip three hundred sixty five from our first book.

00:45:05 – 00:48:09

Remember that miracles happen everyday. 

(Jennifer)

That is true, the sun comes up and flowers bloom.

(Gincy)

And  I think for right now if there’s one tip we need, it’s that one. I think that’s this right now.

(Jennifer)

 And when you’re dealing with somebody especially in the later stages of Alzheimer’s sometimes just got to find the, you gotta find the little little filament, the  silver filaments. And sometimes you gotta look really hard but. You know it helps and I’m not generally the most positive person I’ve worked on it a lot in the last twenty years.  Well, fifteen years. Between Fifteen and twenty. So you know if I can find silver linings you know we like I said we moved rapidly. It wasn’t impulsive, but it felt like it and just  about time we are getting settled the governor said everybody stay home and my mom was getting more difficult and then she fell and ended up in the hospital and then she died. So if I can find silver linings or even the little silver philmont everybody can. I really appreciate this has been so much fun. 

(Gincy)

Oh, I really enjoyed it. Thank you so much for having me on to talk about our books. 

(Jennifer)

You’re welcome and all of those are linked in the show notes. So people can just click through and orde  like you should get all four of them except the fourth one’s not out. 

(Gincy)

Fourth one’s not out yet but you can get the other three.

(Jennifer)

Do you have an ETA for the fourth one?

(Gincy)

When it’s published.

(Jennifer)

 Do you have a deadline that you’re shooting for or you just are not putting that pressure on you?

(Gincy)

Let’s say this year. 

(Jennifer)

You know considering what’s going on? That’s not unreasonable. 

(Gincy)

That’s what I’m thinking this year would be a good one. If I find out something more specific I will definitely let you know. 

(Jennifer)

Okay. So it sounds like this starting on that one?

(Gincy)

 we are close to having our three hundred sixty five tips I believe. But then you know you want to compile them, massage them and group them into the right chapters. Read it, edit it, correct mistakes you suddenly see. Discover you put this one tip that is so good that it’s in five different parts of the book. Now you need four more tips, you know those sorts of things. 

(Outro)

 I’m happy to announce that as of the release of this episode the fourth caregiving book is now available. The link is in the show notes to their website; you may also find the three hundred and sixty five caregiving tips on our brand new partners page. I hope you’re following me on social media and Gincy because she posts tips every single day. Be sure to check out our brand new revamped website and there’s always I’ll be in your ears again next Tuesday.