A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

Caregiver Chronicles

Caregiver Chronicles

[00:00:00]

So you’ve heard me talk about caregiver Chronicles in advertisements on previous episodes. And today we have Dr. Yvette Jackson. On to tell us all about caregiver Chronicle. So thanks so much for joining me, Yvette. Thank you for having me, Ms. Frank, I appreciate it. Thank you for allowing me to share this important information.

I have learned so much from guests. Unfortunately, I didn’t learn it soon enough. So that is one of my biggest messages is the more you learn. And the earlier you get this information into your head and into your life practices. The easier your caregiving journey is going to be. And caregiving journeys are not easy, so let’s do everything we can to make.

[00:00:44]

Right, right. That’s right. So tell us a little bit about you. Okay. Okay. So just to go into my history of caregiver Chronicles, or prior to there too my mother had Alzheimer’s disease and I was her caregiver for nine [00:01:00] years. And so during that time, I learned every aspect of caregiving from the onset of her illness until she actually will, till she transitioned, because I actually went through that entire process with her for nine years.

[00:01:15]My mother was, I  was a single parent at the time. I was working a full-time job at that time as well. I had three sons that were vastly becoming teenagers. And then I had my mother and I was working. I was actually going to school full time at USC working on my master’s in social work.

[00:01:34] And so I had all of these areas of responsibility that consumed my time. As well as being a caregiver for my mother who was diagnosed with dementia and then the Alzheimer’s of course you know, a transition to Alzheimer’s and you know, progressed on from there. So, but it was a great learning experience because it taught me everything about caregiving.

[00:01:58]It taught me, you know, [00:02:00] what, what happens when you are a caregiver? And I was just like, most of you I learned from scratch because I was thrown into the water basically to swim. And so at that point, when I realized that I have to take on this responsibility, I was actually living somewhere else. I had to uproot my family, moved to my mother’s home, take care of her and my three sons.

Had to redo her home. So it would be habitable for us to live in and then had to take on the responsibility of her as you know, being basically, she was my daughter as well. You know, I had, it was a mind transition for me as well. I had to realize that I was no longer her daughter cognitively, even though biologically, I was, I had to realize that I was.

[00:02:46]

Now her mother in perspective. And so I made that transition and it was, it was funny though.  Jennifer, I want to tell you that while I was going to school at USC, I was actually living what I [00:03:00] was learning. And so that made it a lot easier for me. It allowed me to know what the stressors are and allowed me to know what to expect.

In some aspects. And so it was really a great experience. It really taught me a lot. And so what mom did was she left me caregiver Chronicles. And so that’s, that’s how I got to this point. And now I’m at a point where in my life, where I want to share this information with others so that they will know what to do because many people who are thrown into the caregiver arena.

Do you not have an idea as to what to do? And I was one of those people because I live it. So yeah. I’d like to share my information with others. I consider caregiving, especially since many of us are thrust into the caregiving role in an emergency. It’s kind of like quicksand at first, like with my mom, she would chat with clients, take orders, no directions, no due dates, nothing [00:04:00] useful whatsoever. And I learned really quickly that if I just, if I heard her chatting to somebody, if I went out to the front and said, you know, of our shop and, and said, Oh, so what, what are we doing for Yvette today? I can insert myself into the conversation.

[00:04:17]

I hope kind of grace gracefully and allow her. Dignity of, you know, not having to, not having me to have to call people and say, Oh my gosh, my mom didn’t write any directions. Cause that’s not really a good something you want to do with clients. Anyway, dad did most of the caregiving. He wasn’t, he wasn’t, well, he needed to learn a lot more too, but he wasn’t really open to my sister and I helping.

And so when he got sick and was in the hospital for a month, yikes. What a disaster that we were dealing with, his Chrissy and her crew, you know, her advanced Alzheimer’s and their dog. And it was just like [00:05:00] hypes. And then he was on hospice and then he passed away and all of a sudden it was like, okay, We never discussed what we were going to do with my mom.

He assumed she’d come live with me. My daughter literally moved out a month before he passed away. So the fact that he just assumed I had even a room for her, which prior to his passing, I did not, it was, it still upsets me because it’s like, that’s a very giant assumption to make of a family member without ever having a conversation.

And so people have heard that story a lot. Right. And I’m hoping we’re recording this the day after Thanksgiving. I’m hoping people via zoom or whatever, I’m helping. They had some conversations yesterday about, you know, what your end of life desires are, what you, you know, what you want. Like my mom wanted to live in her home forever and ever, and not be a burden on my sister and I.

[00:05:54]

Okay. Okay. That’s mutually exclusive. So had we had a conversation, at least with [00:06:00] my dad or very early on with my mom. My mom had Alzheimer’s for about 20 years, we had a long time to discuss things and we also had a long time to ignore problems that wasn’t very helpful. So nine years is a long journey as well, but yeah, caregiving, you end up thrust into it.

Usually in an emergency or you take it on and you think, Oh, this is, I can handle this. And the next thing you know, you’re up to your neck and quick Sam going help. What do I do? Right. Well, I don’t really know when you start the caregiver journey. You don’t know what click back, because first of all, you don’t know what.

The course of the disease or the illness, whatever the illness might be. It doesn’t necessarily have to be Alzheimer’s whatever that illness is. You don’t know what the core is. Are they going to recover? Are they going to transition home, you know, to be with the Lord from that. And so it’s really a touch and go situation because you are feeling your way as you go.

But I’ve thought about what you said and it’s important that. You have these [00:07:00] conversations with your family member, that parents have their conversations with the children, so they will know what your wishes are. And it’s also important that the children have a conversation amongst themselves and the entire family so that everyone is on the same page when it comes down to it.

[00:07:17]

Because family dynamics is a whole new beast. When you are dealing with caregiving. And so, and I lived that as well, so I won’t even leave. I won’t leave that out, but I won’t, I will say that it’s a whole new world. When you have a family member, that’s ill because there’s always going to be that one family member, that one child, if you will, that’s going to step up to the plate and take care of that parent a hundred percent.

Some of them may come and go. They may come by and see mom and me come by and check on dad or mom, but there’s going to be one that will do the actual nine to five or 24 hour, if you will caregiving job. And so it’s really important that you [00:08:00] have these conversations. Yeah. Yeah. So the first place that people can access information from you, you do a live Facebook.

Chat every Friday. Yes. In fact, we have one tonight. We are going to be, and this is national caregiver month. November is. And so tonight we are going to be paying homage to those who are caregivers, who have been caregivers. I have a guest that’s coming on. That is a caregiver for his mother, and they’re many caregivers too.

And these are two men that’s going to be with us tonight. It’s going to be really interesting. And then there’s one gentleman who’s going to be joining us as well. And his, he was a caregiver for his wife and she recently transitioned. And then, then we have another person, a cohort of mine from USC. She’s going to be joining us tonight.

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And so it’s going to be a very interesting topic. But I think that paying homage to the caregivers is really important because [00:09:00] as caregivers, you are very much overlooked. A lot of people don’t understand what your plight is. They don’t understand the magnitude of being a caregiver for 24 seven.

And so I can’t even get, imagine having done what I did for 20 years as you Jennifer, I really don’t when you say 20, I think when I say nine years, I think nine years is such a on time. But when you tell me 20, I’m like, Oh my goodness. That’s twice as long as, you know, as my caregiver experience. So it’s just, it’s, it’s just unreal.

You know, I always joked because I was, well, I still participate in my Alzheimer’s caregivers support group. I missed October and I got text messages and emails. I got chastised. I’m like, I’m sorry. I was out walking the dogs. And I realized, oops. And it’s a zoom call so I could have joined in, but I’m like, you know what?

[00:09:55]

I don’t, I didn’t, I didn’t need it, but they wanted me. So I still participate. [00:10:00] And. I always joked that I was usually the youngest caregiver who had the loved one with the longest journey of the disease. So I’m like, yay. I win. Right? You do. Because I’m telling you, I don’t hear too many people say 20 years now, I hear less than nine.

I’ve rarely heard more than nine years. And so you’re saying 20 years, I can’t even imagine that. And so you are a blessing, you are a blessing to your parents, even though it was stressful for you. I can say that the beauty of my experience was that mom was a very gentle and sweet person because that helped me to get through it because I can, I’ve heard some stories about family members who, you know, have taken care of loved ones who were very aggressive and maybe even combative, if you will.

And so that was the beauty. The, the, I was lucky in that aspect. I was blessed in that aspect because she wasn’t, but she had one day and I’ll share this with you. I’ll one day where she [00:11:00] got upset, I took her to the adult daycare and they tried to take her purse and she did not want to give that purse up.

And so she hit the daycare person with her cane. And so I got a call I’m at work and I’m like, okay, then you got to come and get her she’s, you know, she’s acting up, she’s acting up. She’s you know, so you see it as with the cane. I said, okay, I’m on my way. So I leave work, I go to get her. And when I get there, they were trying to take her purse and she didn’t want them to.

[00:11:29]

And so I realized at that point, she had to have that purse every day. And that purse, even though it wasn’t empty, she had to have it. And so I made sure that she had that purse and they never bothered her. They let her keep it because, you know, she didn’t have nothing to hide at any rate. And so that was the only one day that she was aggressive.

But I have heard some stories about people who have had their loved ones that were very aggressive during that time. And so I thank God for that. Jennifer, I really do, because I don’t know. I thought I’d been able to get through it. I really [00:12:00] don’t. My mom was getting combative at the end and she, she didn’t, well, I think she swung her purse at one of the paid caregivers in the residence she lived in that would have been about nine or so months before she passed away.

She, my husband’s last interaction with her. She, she was big on scratching. She’d grabbed your arm and just, and she would drop, she drew blood on him. She’d drawn blood on caregivers. It was not pretty. I have, I have a funny purse story. My mom carried her purse around too. For awhile. It had like a wallet in it and it would cause we, I would always take her out and we’d go visit or we’d do an errand for her, you know, get her personal needs.

And she always stressed that she didn’t have money half the time. I tried to like stick my own money in there. So that she could pay. And then I can just take the money back out of the ATM with her debit card. [00:13:00] But that purse, I think, was as old as my daughter who just turned 29, it was dirty and gross.

[00:13:10]

And it was like if I could find a purse that looked exactly the same, that was clean, I would have, but at the end, hers was an empty hers. Had she would. Unroll about four feet of toilet paper and fold it up. And, Oh my gosh, he’d stuffed that paper everywhere. But her purse was, I have a photo that I share sometimes on social media where literally her purse had one fuzzy sock and just.

Like a pandemics worth of toilet paper that you’d probably want to use it, but so it was kind of a joke after, you know, this whole crazy year with, you know, with the whole toilet paper issue. But she what was I, blah, I lost my train of thought when we cleaned out her room. My husband’s like, here’s her purse.

Do you want it? I’m like, [00:14:00] no, I’d really like to burn it, but I’m pretty sure it’s like, you know, fo it’s not any, it’s not like leather, which I don’t know if, whether burns haven’t, haven’t torched too many things in my life. So I was just like, no, I’ll be very happy to throw this nasty thing away. So I stopped carrying it around, but there were so many of the women.

In the care residents she lived in, they just walk around with their purse over their arm and their hand over the handle and they just walk. Right. See, they were used to that. You, the one thing I can tell those who are listening is that you need to keep as much familiarity with them as you can, especially with dementia.

[00:14:38]

And Alzheimer’s because once you take that familiarity away from them, and that’s when I say familiarity, Just understand that things that they’re used to, things that they used to do all the time, consistency is what they need, because if you take that consistency away from them, it really takes them on a downturn.

And I’ll share that [00:15:00] with you too. If I may. My mother well, we lived in a house in a certain area and after having three sons that were vastly becoming teenagers in that home, We live next door to a crack house. Oh dear. And so my kids were vastly becoming adults mean, you know, young adults, teenagers at that vulnerable stage.

And I was like, Oh no, we got to, you know, I got to make a decision because I knew if I moved my, my out of the house. It was going to be bad for her because she would, you know, be in a new environment and it wouldn’t be good. But then I also had to save my sons too. And so I had to make a difficult decision to move her out, move us out of that house.

And so what I did was I did, I moved up, moved us out of there and we meant to a new residence and purchased a new home. And when we did mom immediately stopped walking and she stopped eating. And I was like, Oh my goodness. You know, I called the doctor. I said, [00:16:00] doctors, you know, she’s not eating, she’s not walking, you know, what’s going on?

So he sent physical therapy, home health came out, they started working with her and they got her walk. And again, but the, see, I had changed her living environment and she had been in that house since I was a baby. I grew up in that house. And so she knew that house. And so at that point, I was like, okay, you know, we’re okay.

[00:16:19]

Now she’s walking again. She’s eating again, monitoring her closely, you know, to see what she’s gonna do. And then it got to a point where I said, well, I’m going to sleep in the room with her. So if I, if she gets up at night, I’ll know. I’ll know what she’s doing. I say I got this big old King size bed. I slept in the bed with her.

And then she got up in the middle of the night, one night trying to get to the laboratory, which is the bathroom. And she ended up in the closet. Trying to get into the bathroom. And I said, Oh my goodness, this is not working. So I called the doctor, guests, the doctor something’s going on. You know, I said, what are we going to do?

Mom’s getting up in the middle of the night. I can’t sleep. I’m [00:17:00] going to school. I’m working. I got three sons that are teenagers. You got to do something. Okay. And so what he said was, okay, we’ll send everything to the house. So that next day, all the equipment came, the hospital bed, the commode Walker, wheelchair, everything she needed, came to the house.

Which was a blessing. And so at that point, I was able to maneuver a little better. So I wanted to dismiss it to those who are listening in. If you move your loved one out of their environment, or if you take away their meal, your things that they do, it can’t have a profound effect on them. And that’s for dementia or Alzheimer’s.

[00:17:37]

There are other elements that may not, it may not be like that, but for the dementia and Alzheimer’s, you know, that is a concern that you want to always take into consideration. Okay. So I just wanted to mention that to your audience. One of the things I tell people, I just had a conversation recently with a gal in my support group.

he’s 80, her husband’s 85, you know, she’s tired and she’s looking for alternatives to him being at home. And of course they’re very expensive. And one of the things I tell people is if you are, if you are actively thinking, is it, time is probably past time, right? My mom was in the early stages of the advanced stage, if that makes sense.

Right. And when my dad passed away and because my sister is four and a half years younger, and I had just turned 50. And we all worked. I’m like, yeah, she’s not coming and living with me. Cause that would last about a week. And then one of us would be dead, but it took her about six or seven weeks to acclimate to where she, her new living situation, because she’d been in her house like literally two months shy of 47 years.

[00:18:50]

And it was ugly. I would show up I’d knock on her door. Cause I’d always go after lunch. And she’d opened the door and burst into tears and wail and cry. [00:19:00] And it was like, this place can’t possibly be that badly. And when she finally acclimated you would have thought that somebody had said, Hey, Jen, you just won the jumble lotto because it was the best day when you know, it’s like, she’d forgotten all about her home.

Yeah, it was interesting. Cause the, the care community was across the street from a middle school there. My family home or childhood home was across the street from an elementary school. And now she couldn’t really see the school, but I could refer to it and not feel like I was living in an alternative universe, which with her, as you know, is already what we’re doing it’s would come from the middle school and do projects and activities with the.

Residents of the assisted living part of the community. And they would bring over some of the memory care residents, the ones that could, could do the activities or would benefit from at least the social interaction. So it was [00:20:00] really nice. It was, it was great place, but you know, it did, it took her a long time and you know, they’re not cheap, but they do everything pretty much.

[00:20:10]

They don’t shop. No, I would show up and visit. We’d go out and we’d go watch kids at the park or whatever we’d do. And I’d show up, I’d take her back and they’d be like, Oh, your mom needs more toilet paper. She needs more of that. I’m like, you cannot tell me that one. I was already leaving the first time.

Cause this is the, this is the going home exit. And I was always afraid. Like I would bring the stuff back and hand it to them and not go into the residence because I knew if she saw me then. I’d have to do in a whole other visit all over again because I’d been there. Yes, yes, yes. So it’s, yeah, you learn all these little tricks and just because your loved one is in a residence does not mean that your caregiving responsibilities go away, they just change and they change more.

So you have to be more proactive as far as [00:21:00] being there and knowing what’s going on with her or your, or him or whomever, your number one is. Because you can put your loved one in a facility and just kind of feel like, Oh, she’s fine. The facility staff have her, but let me tell you this, you need to monitor what’s going on at that facility, especially with COVID.

[00:21:18]

Now, you know, they might not let you in there either, so you need to really figure out a way to know what’s going on with your loved one, because there can be a breakdown with the care of your loved one. If you’re not careful, that’s important. And remember that. All of you guys are a team. One of the things that I noticed early on in my mom living where she did was there were some family members that were just bossy and demanding, and I’m like, they’re not here for you.

You’re here for your loved one. They’re here for your loved one. You can help them. They can help you, but don’t vote, demand stuff out of them. And don’t complain about like the dumbest [00:22:00] things. Like I had the most drama with my mom. She. Became really good friends with another Diane, which people that are on my social media.

No, that was my mom. Diane. There was other Diane. And then eventually there was other, other Diane cause the three Diane’s hung out together. Okay. With, with Alzheimer’s and dementia, you had three ladies with the same name, who that was confusing for those of us that didn’t have brains, but other Diane, I w my mom’s dogs was, was with her.

The first 18 months that she lived there. And for people that don’t have dogs, dogs need structure. They’re like toddlers. They have to have a they and their dogs don’t have long-term memory. They, everything is a pattern when you, so when you change a dog’s pattern, you kinda mess them up for a little bit, but then they establish a new pattern.

[00:22:51]

They move forward and it’s okay. But they have to have like, You know, have breakfast and dinner at the same time, take walks in the same areas. You know, things gotta be [00:23:00] similar. My mom’s dog didn’t get any of that. And the lady is all there and the residents fed her that poor dog literally was almost double her reasonable body.

Oh my goodness. Oh, it was awful. She was a poodle weighed, 15 pounds. She weighed 28. Oh my goodness. And my dad spoiled her something fierce. And then my mom. My mom took clues from the dog. The dog would look at it and my mom would think she wanted food. Well, maybe the dog just wanted love, you know, they don’t always want to eat.

So I just, she was not, she was not super well trained. Then, my oldest dog that just recently passed away, hated her. So having her at my house was never enjoyable. So when the two of them were living in the community together, I would just refer to her as fats. Right, right, right. But after they renovated the entire committee community in the summer of 2018 and the executive [00:24:00] director who has left and I’m going to harass him when we can actually go back into.

[00:24:04]

The communities. Cause I know where he went. He’s still local, but so I’m going to show up with the new community and go, Hey, you left? Why? I didn’t like it when your email popped back as it bounced back so fast. It was like, it was funny, right? But when they renovated. So he comes up to me and he goes, well, you know, we, you know, we’re doing this renovation and I’m like, aha.

And well, we’re going to be getting new carpet. I’m like, aha. So you’re asking me to rehome the dog. Well, I’m I, I’m not really saying that. I’m like, So, what do you want? And he’s like, well, you know, she does have accidents a lot. I’m like, yes, she’s a pain in the butt. I understand he beat around the Bush until that Bush was deceased.

And so it was, he never, ever told me I had to get rid of the dog. Never even politely asked me to rehome her. It was all innuendo. It was so funny. I just love that story because, you know, [00:25:00] it’s like, He knew the benefit of the dog for my mom. And he just, he didn’t want to append the, you know, the situation, but she was, she was a problem.

And my sister and I had been toying with, is she as much of a benefit to mom as she was when they first moved in, my mom would get really frustrated with her. Ignore her, forget about her. No. So it was being a dog. She would forget about the dog. Yeah. Oh, so it was, we were like, do we get, you know, do we re Homer, do we, you know, we were, it was nice that the renovation forced the issue.

[00:25:33]

Oh, okay. So after the dog left, the area rug that I had in my mom’s room was not pretty thanks to the dog. No, I think we can figure that one out. Yeah. And so my sister had purchased an ex. There was a situation where the dog had had an accident. They took the carpet away to clean it and then never came back.

My sister happened to get Ikea, so she bought another rug, but it happened to be a little [00:26:00] bit too small. And then the original one came back. It was like all this, like I said, I always dealt with like weird drama with my mother. And then, so after the dog moved out, we put in the new carpet. My mom and other Diane sat there.

Now, this carpet was white background with plate sized buttons. My mom was a seamstress. This carpet was super perfect for her. And the two of them discussed this carpet for an hour. I was like, I am about to beat myself over the head because they kept saying how nice it was. And they’d talk about all the colors.

And then other Diane would be like, Oh, this would be a great wall hanging. And I’m like, yeah, but. It’s not lights because it’s five foot by seven foot. So I show up the next week the carpet’s gone. I’m like what? In the bill? So I asked the director of the memory care. I’m like D what happened to the carpet?

[00:26:49]

It’s like, can’t blame the dog. Dog’s gone. She’s like, what do you mean? I’m like the carpet on the floor is gone. So when we were done with the visit, all the ladies were, you know, there was a couple of men there, [00:27:00] but most of them were ladies all sitting down and have dinner. We go into other Diane’s room.

It’s rolled up, it’s stuck in the corner behind the chair. I’m like,

Oh, your loved one is in a facility community. Excuse me. I know they hate that term. You have to be part of the team, you know, when they say your mom needs X, Y, Z, and I’m frustrated. Cause I’m like, you couldn’t have told me that when I came in the first time, I guess I could have sniped at him and said that, but it’s like, okay, whatever, there wasn’t a Rite aid, like literally two buildings over.

It wasn’t even a mean. It really wasn’t even a quarter of a block. It was, but the challenge was you had to like make multiple U turns to get in and out of the two different community areas. And it’s just like, whatever, you know, it’s not even worth having this conversation. I’ll just deal with what hates will be handled and move on.

[00:27:55]

You know, it’s like, so when, if, if your loved one is in a [00:28:00] community, you are part of the team of will. That includes the paid staff. So. Yeah, that was my very long winded story for them. That’s okay. That’s fine. That’s fine. Yeah. Facilities are unique. I thank God. I did not ever have to put my mother in a facility.

Matter of fact, she never had to even go to a rehab. So that was a blessing. Because having worked in a skilled nursing facility has a licensed clinical social worker that I know that the best care is not always given. In the seventies and I’m not talking about the facility I’ve worked in. I’m just saying, I know that, you know, you have to be very careful.

You have to monitor. And a lot of times people who are not in me being a social worker, of course, I know what appropriate and what’s not, but those who are not social workers, those who are not do not know, then it’s twice as difficult because they don’t know what they should expect. And so that makes it even more of a challenge when you have a loved one [00:29:00] in a facility.

[00:29:01]

But I want to say this to the audience, do not hesitate to ask questions. If you have a loved one in a facility and they are reluctant in giving you information and you should be getting that information because you’re that person’s decision maker. If you will, then you make sure that they tell you and you ask them because you can help.

You got to hold them accountable. And so I wanted to say that to your audience because a lot of times people are scared. Well, I don’t want to say anything, you know, I don’t want them to think I’m a pain in the, whatever, you know what I mean? I don’t want to ask too many questions. No, that’s your loved one.

And you should ask questions. So that’s important as well. Yeah. And when, when you decide to be part of the team that it’s not, well, we’re paying this company, this giant pile of money every month because the staff does not make it. That much money. Trust me. I, I had several caregivers that were, that I was really close to.

Some of them were two and three [00:30:00] jobs, so they don’t make a lot of money. So be kind first off, let’s pay them more money, but secondly, just know that they don’t make a lot of money. And I got more information. I probably have more information than most family members because they, I was always there. I always ask questions what’s going on.

[00:30:17]

And if my mom was causing troubles, Not wanting to shower, not wanting to change clothes. I would ask, is she giving you trouble on X or Y when she was clawing and people, you know, obviously they couldn’t like. Smack her hands back. Cause that’s, you know, elder abuse, even though she was abusive, poop out of them, I would tell them I’m really sorry.

You know, she would, she would be ashamed if she knew what she was doing and it’s just, she didn’t, I’d be like, Oh, okay. I’m like, no, it’s not. Okay. So they knew I was on their side and I think that really, really helped. And I never. It never ever asked, or I never asked in a way of expectation. Like sometimes I would just [00:31:00] show up if we didn’t have our rotary meeting on Mondays, I would show up early and say, I thought I’d have lunch with my mom today.

Do you guys have an extra lunch for me? Do you want me to go up front and pay for it? Cause every time I paid for it, they’d tell me, Oh, go get it. Your money back. I’m like, no, I can afford 10 bucks for lunch. Trust me. It’s cheaper than Rotary. Right. And that was the rules. But. You know, like one time I showed up and they’re like, well, do you want X?

Or  I’m like, just bring me whatever’s easiest. You know, it’s like, your job is not to wait on me or to do anything for me. And so I, I did everything I could to make their job as easy as possible with my mom to be as understanding with them as possible with my mom. And I think they really appreciated it so well, you know what?

They do appreciate it because I can say this if you’re going into a facility and you have a loved one in there, and you’re being difficult with the staff. You know, and you expect them to do things above and beyond for your loved one, then that may not happen. So you really want to be careful about how you treat them.

You know, you want them to be like you say a part [00:32:00] of the team, because once you have a team concept and they feel like, Oh, well, she’s good. She, you know, she’s with us, then they will work with you. And so that’s really important. Another thing too, if you have a loved one in a facility and you’re having trouble seeing that loved one with the COVID and the things, the way they are now, they should allow you some type of communication.

[00:32:22]

You need to speak with, act, tell them, or let them know that you’re going to contact the ombudsman. And, and that’s the governing body over facilities. And so that’s important. That you do that, not, you know, you don’t want to create a problem where you’re reporting them, but you also want to let them know.

Look, I need to know no what’s going on with my love when I need to contact my loved one. I need to have some type of communication because nine times out of 10, if they have dementia or Alzheimer’s in their, in a facility, They’re going to, and you’re not able to interact with them. There’s going to be a significant decline in their cognitive ability.

And so you want to be careful of that [00:33:00] as well. So that’s important to understand too. Yeah. Two things a quick one. When I say talk about your part of the team, treat the staff the way you want them to treat your loved one. That’s right. That’s an easy rule. That’s right. I never, I never thought of that wording before.

And there was something you said that triggered that. And then on the, the COVID restriction issue, I don’t know if I’m a little bit out of, out in left, left field on this one. Yes. And I didn’t have to deal with this too much. My mom fell and broke her leg on March 8th. As most people know, California, basically the San Francisco Bay area shut down just a few days after that I saw her that.

[00:33:43]

The 12th, the 14th or 16th, the 17th, we were shut down. They didn’t let us in for two weeks. And then they called me and said, she’s not doing really well. We think she’d benefit from a visit from you, which I now know translated as to yeah, we think she’s transitioning. It’s time that we better [00:34:00] let the family in.

And this was early on in the pandemic. I don’t know if they’ve continued doing this. But we did get to see her before she passed away. Right. And that was March 31st. So that was right at the beginning of all of this. And I’ve talked to dozens of people who haven’t seen their loved ones for weeks or months.

They’re doing those window visits. They’re doing zoom calls, which my mom couldn’t have handled. I’m not even sure my mom could have handled a traditional phone call. You know, maybe we there, she didn’t have anybody to talk to on a phone phone. So, but you know, if you, if you tried to get her to look at your phone screen, like FaceTime, It just didn’t, it just didn’t compute.

Right? My maternal grandfather, her dad always said, you don’t get out of this life alive, which is very true. And I kind of use that as kind of a touchstone guideline for also, you know, We want to have, we want to give them as much quality of life as possible. [00:35:00] And I think somebody, I don’t know who may be me, I don’t know if I could start it, but somebody needs to get with the governing boards, the care communities, the nursing homes, the, you know, state governments, and basically say, we need to put into place reasonably.

[00:35:18]

I don’t want to say restrictions, but reasonable protocols for. Visiting, there was a gal and I went back and searched for her PO you know, search for her Instagram. She posted, she was in Oregon and she was like, you know, we should be able to go in half an hour at a time. We should have to make an appointment, you know, certain fit, you know, a limited number of family members at a time masks all, you know, the whole nine yards and, you know, Basically preventing the family from seeing their loved ones other than through the glass or on a screen.

I think that’s all bad. Yeah, quality. It is. And the fact that [00:36:00] the, the Kobe came, nobody was prepared for it. And so they were just doing what they thought was best. To protect your family member. So Dave was like, okay, we can’t allow me in. Cause they might bring the COVID in, but then the staff’s coming in and some of them had the COVID.

So it just really was a trial and error type of situation. But now that we kind of have a handle on it, there definitely needs, needs to be a governing body that puts together some parameters. For the facilities. And I’m sure that, you know, the States are looking at that. I hope they are figure out what they’re going to do about it because the nursing homes were a place where the COVID hit hardest.

And so I actually was working in a nursing home in January. The second was my last day, and by the grace of God, yes, I was not there when COVID hit and ended up. But I really believe COVID actually was here before that. But it didn’t hit hard until what, February to end of February around March [00:37:00] or something like that, the 1st of March.

And so that was a blessing for me to not be in that environment. Cause I was like, Lord, I may have been one of the, you know, victims of it. Yeah. But by the same token, you want to. You know, committed to the ombudsmen. If you do talk to them and say, Hey, what are you, what kind of parameters are you all putting in place for the COVID families?

[00:37:22]

I mean, not the COVID families do nursing families. You want to make sure that you’ve mentioned that because even though, you know, it’s an issue, it definitely needs to be addressed. And so that’s, that’s really something I wanted to share also. Yeah. Well, it’s also super important because. You know, we’re blessed.

We’re both in California. So, you know, here it is November, whatever the heck, date, 27, it’s not warm outside, but I could sit outside in a coat and maybe gloves and, and lean against the glass and talk to my mom. I wouldn’t really want that. Now my almost 103-year-old grandmother is in a [00:38:00] board and care home and they do let you come in.

They do want you to wear a mask, which is totally fine. She is profoundly hard of hearing. So when it’s just the two of us, I take the mask off because I already have to shout at her. And if I have to shout loud enough to be heard through the mask, right. It’s not going to be a very long visit because then my throat is going to be on scratch.

[00:38:21]

And so they take your temperature when you go in there. No, they just make you wear a mask. Yeah. And they know I take it off. So. Okay. You know, obviously, they haven’t had a problem. The community, my mom was in never had a problem. I don’t think they had any, I don’t, I don’t think they had any outbreaks. I know they didn’t have any deaths.

[00:38:40]

Not sure. They thought one person tested positive. And I think that was a false positive, but I mean, it was, it was super minor and that was way back. Cause we cleaned out her room in mid-may. So about six weeks after she passed away. Right. So, you know, yeah, we definitely need. Because, I mean, hopefully we it’s like, hopefully we [00:39:00] don’t have this kind of problem again, but my mom’s community did have in the winter of 2018, a huge flu outbreak in the assisted living part of the community, which was separate from the memory care.

[00:39:16] But I mean, not a hundred percent, I don’t know if they shared ventilation or not. And so there was always warning signs on the door. Like, don’t come in. If you don’t feel good, Be warned that this is a problem and you might go home sick and they, it was so bad. They had to stop serving meals in the dining room.

[00:39:33] Now this is on the assisted living side and serve every meal, bring everybody’s meals, apartments. Yeah. Oh, wow. I think they had kind of like, that was kind of maybe a small test run for what to do. Cause I know they did that with the COVID. I don’t know what they’re doing now. I was there the day before Halloween.

[00:39:52] To deliver some goodies for the residents and to see the people I hadn’t seen since may. So, you know, so they let me [00:40:00] in and I did have a mask and I did interact with the guests. And the one thing that I thought was dumb is there’s square dining tables, all had Xs of plexiglass, probably at least three feet tall.

[00:40:13] And I’m like, these people don’t go anywhere. You know, like. What are you protecting profits study so they can sit at the table and they had the plexiglass in front of them. And yes, the plexiglass divided the table into four PI pieces, basically. Really? Yeah. I thought that was a little, a little too much, but I didn’t say anything.

[00:40:34] Cause I thought, well, one, the staff didn’t have a choice. You know, even the directors probably didn’t have a choice, so I’m like, I’m not even gonna. I’m not even going to mention that. I think this is really stupid. You know, they may have done it because licensing may have required at that point for them to either do that or have the patients eat in their rooms.

[00:40:55] And so a lot of them probably were used to going out because they have a big community room in [00:41:00] most of those facilities where they can gather, they can watch TV, they can play bingo, they can play games and that type of thing. And then all of a sudden you just stop that. That affects them even more so.

[00:41:10] And so they had to probably take some measures that were put in place to be proactive, if you will and protect the patients. See, I hadn’t even thought of that. And especially with people with advanced stages of Alzheimer’s and dementia, you don’t want the meeting in their rooms alone. You don’t want them in their rooms all the time by themselves.

[00:41:28] Anyway, is career is crucial, is, is detrimental to them. Isolation is detrimental to those who have dementia or Alzheimer’s. Yes, definitely. It’s not great for any of us, but it’s definitely bad for them. Right. So before we like yak on about everything, caregiver Chronicles, tell us, tell us, tell me all about caregiver Chronicles.

[00:41:47] Regular listeners have heard what I have. I got a little, you know, minute and a half description. Right? Let’s flush that out. Okay. So I’m going to share my screen. If you don’t mind, certainly show [00:42:00] you a little bit about caregiver Chronicles. Okay. And we’re going to describe it for those that are just listening to the audio.

[00:42:06] Okay, give me just one second here. Not a problem, or they are making sure I find my glasses. Okay. Let’s see if I can get it up. You know, I’m learning this every day, the different learning experience with the, with the sharing of the screen and that type of thing. So now, you know, okay. All right. So caregiver Chronicles is an eight week step-by-step walkthrough.

[00:42:34]Online course on caregiving, caretaking in the overseeing process of your loved one. The course has covered all areas of caregiving from the onset of your loved one’s illness until they recover from that illness or until they transition home to be with the lower. Okay. And so let me tell you about caregiver Chronicles and why it was developed.

[00:42:54] Because I realized that after mom’s illness, I was giving [00:43:00] information out and I knew it every aspect of camp, Gary caregiving. And then when we went into the COVID, I was like, okay, so I need to pull this together so that I can really help people because it’s really important. And they’re going to be many people who need this service, who need to know what to do.

[00:43:15] And so it covers all aspects of caregiving. And then let me go to the next slide if I may. And this is, these are the courses that are available. What is a caregiver? Educating yourself on the diagnosis, caring for a sick loved one, observing your loved one’s religious belief, a healthy lifestyle.

[00:43:35] Navigating the medical professionals, understanding medication legal matters. The decision-maker. Insurance like Medicare Medi-Cal HMO’s PPLs, community resources, durable medical equipment, like wheelchairs, walkers, et cetera. When a caregiver is needed, finding a caregiver [00:44:00] placement in a skilled nursing facility or an assisted living facility.

[00:44:04] Family dynamics, challenges and conflict, which is always a part of home health, hospice planning for your loved ones transition. So those are the courses that are available and they are ready at this time for you if you’re interested. And then these are the various options that we have for you to register for the courses you have for option one, you would have 16, all 16 classes, plus three bonus courses.

[00:44:31] So all of the courses that I just mentioned, they are included in the 19 courses that you would get, you would get six private consultations for me, you would be invited to a weekly live group. Let me see if I can move up the, our picture here. I think you, yeah. You would be invited to a weekly live group and you would also be invited to it, private Facebook group, where we would have private discussions about areas that you need help with.

[00:44:59] Option two [00:45:00] consistent eight classes for private consultations, weekly live group, and also invite to the private Facebook group. And then there’s option three. And that consists of one class, two private consultations and the weekly live group. And then option four, which is two private consultations and the weekly live group.

[00:45:23] Now I didn’t, I’m going to, when I finished, I’m going to show you a flyer on a tonight’s Friday night live, because tonight, as I mentioned earlier, we’re going to be paying homage to caregivers. And so we want to make you aware of that as well, because we’re on every Friday with the recording or with the live show.

[00:45:42] So if you have information, you want more information or you want to register for the courses, you can always visit our website. At www dot caregiver, Conoco’s 24 seven.com. You can also email us@caregiverchroniclestwentyfoursevenatgmail.com. [00:46:00] Or you can schedule a free private consultation. By clicking on the rebrand Lee G three in one from B R O.

[00:46:09] Those that’s the way to get a scheduled a private consultation. And if you can’t write that down, you can always go to the website. All of this information is there and you can also visit our YouTube channel at caregiver Chronicles 24 seven. And so I want to just make this available to you. We are available 24 seven help you.

[00:46:29] Many, many times when you become a caregiver, you don’t know what to do. And so I have lived it and I’m prepared to walk you through it and help you get through it. And I will help you develop your caregiver Chronicles. So now I want to share one other screen if I may definitely. And all of those links are in the show notes, so they are down and click on them.

[00:46:52] All right. So let me just share the flyer for tonight. So you can have access to that. If you give me just one second. [00:47:00] Certainly. And I was on one of the lives, I think back in August time does not seem to have any constraints or constructs anymore. And it was a lot of fun. So I definitely suggest you tune into that.

[00:47:13] Right? If he does watch, you could participate, what the heck. We’re not going to any place on Friday nights anymore. Anyway, so I that’s why I said this would be a good Friday night because most people, they should be in their environment, in their homes this weekend. And you know what? I can’t really get that flyer.

[00:47:32] Oh, Houston, the downloads. That’s why. Okay, here we go. Give me just one second and I’ll show it to you and then we can move on. I want to make sure I don’t leave anything out because it’s important that you know, that there is a resource for you. If you are a caregiver, there is help and guidance and direction for you.

[00:47:50] So I wanted to make sure you’re aware of that. And I want to thank you to Jennifer for allowing me to come on and share this information. Definitely. It’s nice to have somebody you [00:48:00] can ask questions of, well, your specific question to a person who’s been there, done that I popped in on the. Caregiver Facebook pages.

[00:48:10] And sometimes people get 60, 7,200 responses and it’s like, I’m a reader and I’m not going through all of that. And sometimes it’s just like, Oh, I don’t have an answer, but I’m pulling for you or I’m praying for you. And it’s like, well, that’s just useless. You know, if I saw 200 responses, I’d think I’d have probably 10 good pieces of information.

[00:48:28] And it’s not always the case because you know, we’re just trying to help each other. But. Sometimes that’s the blind leading the blind. So I see a huge value in having somebody in your corner. And this is a very affordable way to do that. Yes, this is very important. And so here’s the flyer for caregiver Chronicles tonight?

[00:48:49]It’s pretty large here on the screen. I mean, make it a little smaller so you can see it and let’s see, let’s go to 75. Okay. So this is the flyer and [00:49:00] we’ll be talking about just paying homage to caregivers right now. We know that there are many people who are caregivers and we’re having an evening of gratitude for caregivers.

[00:49:10] And so we have several guests that I mentioned earlier. The gentleman, Mr. Marino is he is a senior manager with the Alzheimer’s association. And then Dr. Diaz is a geriatric doctor from USC. She does USC Alzheimer’s disease research and Mr. Marino, his, his mother, he’s also caregiver for his mother at this time.

[00:49:33] And then the gentlemen here elder Michael Jackson is going to be well, he was a former caregiver and he’s also going to talk about and share his experience tonight. So. His wife succumb to her illness recently. So he didn’t know Sierra that tonight as well. So I hope you can join us. The zoom information is on the screen.

[00:49:52] If you’re interested, please join in. We’d like to have an open dialogue. It’s an open form. It’s caregiver Chronicles as Dr. [00:50:00] Yvette anything. And we just want to share information because. Information is vital and we’ll talk about it, then we’ll never get to where we need to be in life. So I thank you for allowing me to share with the lit you’re welcome now is the zoom link the same every week.

[00:50:16] It’s the same every week. Okay. So we’ll have that in all the show notes. Yes. We’re not going to hit people. Won’t hear this recording until after tonight. Obviously. Yeah, it can be quick, but I’m not that quick, but every, every Friday without fail. And I do share the flyers on a lot of my social media, but I will share the zoom link in the show notes going forward so that you guys can just pop in whenever you got a free Friday night and you don’t even have to park, you can just listen, which is also good.

[00:50:50] I think on Christmas and new year’s, we’re going to be not, we got not going to record because those are all Fridays. And I think people will want to spend time with their loved one. But I just want to mention [00:51:00] too, the password for the zone it’s case sensitive. So it’s Z capital Z, and a small D and then one, one and capital V in capital Ian.

[00:51:11] So that particular link that particular password needs it’s case sensitive for those who are listening in. Okay. Okay. And that’ll be in the show notes, hot links in the show notes. Blue tongue is trying to tie itself in a knot. So is there any last information you want to share with the audience? No.

[00:51:30] Go and get ready for another zoom call. Yeah. Well, I’ll be on zoom in a couple of hours, but if you want to join us at any Friday, please do so. The only Friday, as I said will be Christmas and new year’s. We will not be new year’s day. We will not be recording those days, but other than that, we should be on every Friday.

[00:51:47]Yeah, it’s a great show. It allows us to share information. It allows me to reach people that, that know that there’s someone out there to help them. You know, it’s important to know that you can reach [00:52:00] out and please don’t hesitate to ask a question, say something if you need help, ask for it because help is available and we’re available to help you.

[00:52:09] God bless you all. Thank you for allowing me to join you tonight, Jennifer. Thank you. I appreciate it. You’re welcome.