A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

Smiling Through Your Tears (Early Grief)

Smiling Through Your Tears (Anticipatory Grief)

00:00:00 – 00:05:09

Today’s podcast is presented by Pago Pago is the easiest way for you to monetize your podcast providing podcasters with a flat rate for ad space. So you always know how much you get when you include an ad from pod go apply today to become a member and immediately be connected with advertisers that fit your audience. That’s pod go down and be sure to add fading memories in the how did you hear about pug go section of the application? Have you ever wanted to cry over the loss of a loved one, even though they’re still living has the laws of your past relationship with them made you feel depressed about what you’re feeling is probably not depression. But early grief early grief is the feeling of loss before a death or dreaded event occurs early grief hasn’t received much publicity. So you’re likely unaware of the term yet. It’s a natural part of life and it touches us all take away the emotional reaction to grief and what’s left is a response to change is the main ingredient in grief twenty-twenty has brought an abundance of change making early grief more complicated. There is no quick fix to early grief. You must find your own coping methods despite the uncomfortable feeling though. There are many benefits to early grief and that’s what we’re talking about today. This episode is brought to you by caregiver Chronicles an eight-week online course from diagnosis through hospice for more information use the link in the show notes dead. home welcome to fading memories a supportive podcast for those caring for a loved one with memory loss. My guest today Harriet Hutchinson has been a freelance health and wellness right for thirty seven plus years and is the author of over thirty five books. She is a member of The Association of Healthcare journalism and the Minnesota Coalition for death education and support Hutchinson is contributing writer for the caregiver space website the grief toolbox website and the open hope website a popular speaker. She has also given presentations at Public Health Alzheimer’s bereavement and caregiving conferences. She has appeared on a hundred and eighty-five talk shows including CBS radio and dozens of television stations including CNN off Hudson’s work is cited in who’s who of women World who’s who of women and other directories? She lives in Rochester Minnesota with her husband John Smith. And she is here to talk to us today about anticipatory grief with me. Today is Harriet hugs and sincere Hudgens. Excuse me. It’s just going to talk to us today about smiling through your tears. It’s her book on anticipating grief. And then hopefully if we have enough time, we’re going to talk a little bit about one of her caregiving guides, which is affirmations for family caregivers. So thanks for joining me Harriet. Thank you. Tell me a little bit about you first because you’ve had more caregiving wage in your life than most of us, which is good for us, but not necessarily for use true. I never thought that I was going to be a long-term care giver, but with my mother developed something called vascular dementia, which according to her physician really added up to Alzheimer’s disease I moved And screaming to our hometown of Rochester Minnesota and I was her family caregiver for nine years. She didn’t live with us off a good as because I don’t think that would have worked out too. Well, but I did something for every day. I found first of all a place for her to live. I made sure that her apartment had everything that she needed. I took her to medical and dental appointments fill prescriptions would be having a lunch day. We had a shopping day. We had an errand day every Sunday. I cooked a gourmet meal for her and she came to her house sometimes and her laundry, although there were a lot of facilities available to her and this went on for nine years. When I was not prepared for was first of all, the exhaustion that I felt after nine years, but the other thing is just the sheer shock and hurtfulness of having your mother not recognize you and at the end not only did she not recognize me.

00:05:10 – 00:10:02

She thought I was a stranger who had come to her. So I went to visit her I had transferred her to a nursing care because she threatened to go back to the state of New York to be with friends every friend that you mentioned was deceased. So that was that was a joke in itself, but at the end I realized she was not going to die in peace. Unless I left her alone. When I approached her. She would grunt she couldn’t speak by then and she would push me away. So after nine years of that I realized that I was physically and emotionally exhausted and I thought well life is going to calm down and I’m going to regroup and I’m going to get my energy back only that didn’t happen with Famous Last Words energy came back when I realized I was really really exhausted. Well, not long after that. I’m not sure you know of the interval but in 2007 our daughter was killed in a car and she died from the injuries. She received in a car crash. She was the mother and of course always will be the mother of our 20 grandchildren as it happens. Our granddaughter was in the car with her mother and so how I suffered life-threatening injuries surgeons operated on her for 20 hours, but could not save him and our granddaughter had a mild concussion two days after that. My father wants to come to pneumonia at age ninety eight and half and I had been expecting his death. I had felt anticipatory grief. But you know just as so fun when he died, it was a huge jolt. I just wasn’t prepared and also wasn’t prepared for two deaths on the same weekend. And when I open the local newspaper and saw two family photos, I just saw uncontrollably. I just didn’t know if I would ever be able to survive that and again I thought well, I’ll admit my feelings. I’ll go through some grief here. I’m going out on the other side. Okay, but then in the fall of the same year the twins father died in another car crash. And and eight weeks after the well, my brother died, excuse me. He died before the twins father. So we had for Thursday. Yes for significant deaths in six months. And fortunately I had experienced death before in grief before with the grief of parents and aunts and uncles and dead eleven pets and and dear friends. You know, I had been through that and I remember one day meeting a friend downtown and I said, you know, I have this strange feeling I have this feeling that a black cloud is following me everywhere I go I’m really nervous and anxious and all these thoughts feelings mixed up and it turns out she was a grief counselor and she said, oh here you are going through anticipatory grief. This was at the time that I bought one was still alive and that got me studying anticipatory grief and I studied it for a dozen years. And that eventually led to the book smiling through your tears. But what’s so fascinating Jen is I had other books that have been published. I had been published by Major Publishers. So I wrote a book proposal actually eroded outline sent it to a major publisher in New York and I was sure it was going to get accepted and I waited and waited. Finally I called and I talked to a young editor and I could tell she was young by her voice. I thought I talked to her I said she you know, what do you think about the idea of smiling through your tears? And she said I don’t get it. And then she said I just don’t get it and I could tell that grief was not in her life experience yet. I couldn’t make record get it.

00:10:03 – 00:15:09

No way. I could follow her advice. She said, you know, if you want to get this published, I recommend you find a physician co-author and see if that helps you go by then. The book was finished. As I said, I have researched it for a dozen years. I kept refining and you know revising the outline but I followed her advice and I approached a psychiatrist who lived in our neighborhood and she said she loved to join in on the book that I thought it was interesting to her. And so basically she betted the book and she added some extra copy where she thought it was necessary. But basically she bedded It Off. Thought boy, we’ve got a winner now only nobody was interested in a book about anticipatory grief and yet everyone goes through it every month and goes through this. If you have a child born with a heart defect if you have a kid on drugs if a kid is run away if they’re showing worrisome behaviors, if you’re here and Adventure company is downsizing. I mean the list goes on and on sooner or later. We all that anticipatory grief, and finally I thought I’m tired of approaching Publishers the publishing industry was going through an upheaval at the time. And so we published it through Amazon and it has sold very well and there’s even a chapter in there about the anticipatory grief of Terror dog. So because nine eleven happened while we were finishing book, but you can probably revise it now to anticipating a pandemic or you know dreaded diseases month. So how you have experienced so much but that’s a good point because while all the people who are Sheltering in place or self quarantining actually are going through anticipatory grief, but many people have never heard the term I should maybe Define what it is that is the feeling of loss and grief before a death happens. But this is most important or before I dreaded event happens and I co-authored doctor Louis KRON a male clinic psychiatrist added that phrase to the definition a dog. Reddit event and that would certainly fit the pandemic now, it’s been an interesting year. That’s to say putting it mildly off. How do you do you have a tip on how? How not to walk around waiting for the other shoe to drop and they say that because 2017 started out with the death of one of my dogs while my dad came home on hospice death of a dog daughter moved out father died with Mom and memory care that was all in the first two and half months January February. Yeah, two and half months a 2017. Okay, you know, I just turned fifty not terribly unreasonable to expect some major life things happening just not necessarily all in a few months that would have been spread it out would have been nice which I’m sure you can relate to and then twenty-twenty starts and we my husband and I decided We were looking at the Winds of Change and we decided you know, we had a very large very expensive house and we’re both self-employed. So it’s like, you know what to be a whole lot easier to downsize the expenses into the barest minimum of our income instead of continuously stressing and trying to grow his business office to meet our expenses. So we sold our quote-unquote forever home and that happened like in a day. So we went from Christmas Day decided we were going to do it to officially closing on January 24th. So that was Bonkers. My mom was going through a lot of difficulties. She’d fallen on December 30th, and it wasn’t revealed until She broke her leg in March that she had also fractured her pelvis in that probably in that fall. So we were dealing with a lot of stress with her and then took the pandemic hits. She’s in the hospital. I’m like do I want to go to the hospital? Do I want her at the hospital? And she was released and I was dealing with all of that and I was fairly certain she’d she would not do the physical therapy needed to walk again.

00:15:09 – 00:20:06

And I was I had I was fine with that and actually had some positive reasons for thinking it would be. Okay. And even though she’d been on the Alzheimer’s Journey for about twenty years. I was not ready for them to call me and say she’s not going to make it to the end of the day and she passed away on March 31st. So I quote unquote jokingly. Tell people that I’m just going to self-medicate sedate myself for the first quarter of 2023 because apparently every three years my life goes up something dead. And I know I try not to mention that because I don’t want it to be a self-fulfilling prophecy. But you must you must have some tips on how not to feel that way because my goodness if you’ve gone through it off. Well, I think first of all, I would encourage Two people to be on the lookout for an anticipatory because that can be empowering and anticipatory grief is very unique and what makes it unique first of all your thoughts and and this is probably happened to you your thoughts jump around from the past to the present to the Future and they’re jumping around all the time and you may even have trouble following your own thoughts because they’re jumping around. Of course. It’s uncompleted loss. You’re already starting to feel grief already feeling lost but you’re grieving for someone who hasn’t died. So that makes it complicated. Then you’ve got the emotional component all these emotions that are flooding through you and and you’ve certainly gone through back with your mom not to mention moving which is one of the most stressful things you can do in life. Yeah. That’s true. That’s another program then there’s the time I’m factor of the time Factor because I was my mother’s caregiver for nine years and nine years of watching. Someone disintegrate home, uh takes a toll on you. Then. You’ve got suspense and fear, which is always part of you day because you say is this the day my loved one is going to die and she kind of try to prepare yourself. It’s can be very complex anticipatory grief can be more complex than post-death freeze wages. Actually if there are other things going on in your life, but the most unique thing about it is the feeling of Sorrow mixed with hope you always have off so you think oh well, maybe the doctor made the wrong diagnosis. or maybe you were going to meet a wonderful therapist who is going to be able to help Mom and I went through this with my own husband who’s paraplegic now and he too fractured his felt pelvis when a professional caregiver was with him and it sent him back a year and half and so now with help talented wage very skillful compassionate therapist. We almost have him back to where he was which is being able to stand and take a few steps to where he took us before he fractured his films, but I think if people need to be on the lookout for that and I think you always have to have a plan A and A Plan B and cheese, so there’s I tend to be an independent person. I have a caregiving type of Personality. Thank God I suppose but there’s nothing wrong with calling up a friend and saying, you know, I’m really down today, but I just talked with you for a few minutes. And you know just having coffee or you know, just even walking in a park with a friend can boost your spirits even though you’re busy at this time of life and finding your way through anticipatory grief. It may be a good time to get a physical exam of physical exams have changed a lot with modern medicine, especially now with telemedicine. Everybody is you know, they have to call their patients which isn’t working that well, I would say but having been none of the patients who was called but and it does help to to check on your your own health every so often and I you know, I found out that I absolutely have to have a sleep routine if I don’t have a sleep routine and if I don’t get seven hours at least a night, I’m no good job.

00:20:06 – 00:25:06

Okay, I’m not employed caregiver. I’m grumpy. I say things. I wish I hadn’t said I eat stuff I shouldn’t eat now. I will admit I had apple pie day for breakfast yesterday and it was it was very good. I thought of pie a la mode but I didn’t want to overdo it that sounds like something I had threatened to do, but you got off Route so okay, maybe a little more sugar than you need it but it wasn’t chocolate pie which probably is pure junk at least the apples are reasonable. So I did talk several months ago probably over a year ago. All the time is becoming hard to keep track of right now about anticipatory grief. And this was before I knew about your book. And so this is Josh. We’re going to dive into it a little further, but I know with My mom’s passing and it being what felt sudden I mean, I thought I was prepared. So I was shocked that I was not quite as prepared when it happened. I mean it really did happen kind of rapidly. The broken leg was the last straw that her body could deal with or not deal with apparently what what steps should people take off to you said to be aware of it and and kind of work their way through it that that’s positive and beneficial well as surprising as this seems anticipatory grief may help you in several important ways. And the first thing I actually list all of these in my box our book I should say was dr. Louis crime in our book smiling three years. Here’s and it can be a rehearsal for post just emotions. And this will help you contain emotions. If you have to contain them a bit later on but rehearsing doesn’t hurt, you know, you kind of know what to expect wage. I have seen cases where families that were fractured mended themselves. The the family members came closer together and started to work as a team. You may take proactive measures. For example, make sure that your loved ones will is current job my husband and I we did our Wills not that long ago, but Minnesota law has already changed and we had to go and update our Wills which took longer than I thought. So that’s a good thing to do. The other thing is you might want to bring up painful topics. I had a friend who was told the story about her family wage buddy. Love to painting so much in a relative’s house that when the when the relative was in the hospital really doing poorly wage. They went into her home and stole the painting. You can’t believe that people would do that. I can yeah, but the point is that maybe it is time to talk about who gets what wage as your loved one. You know, what what do you want to give to people and you may not want to give anything you may want to give your treasured collection to a museum, whatever. Um, I found I am an empathetic person. I mean listen, Jello commercials can make me cry. So I am empathetic but I became more empathetic because of anticipatory grief. I was appreciative of the community services that I I had known about them. I called social services and found they gave me wonderful advice and they said Harriet it’s time to arrange for your mother’s death now pay the expenses whatever and so then you don’t have to do that at a time when you were stressed and that turned out to be excellent advice. So I was grateful for that. I think having anticipatory grief offer nine years, and I also had a when my husband’s aorta just septed. in 2013 But I know what is important and what is not and I make these decisions very quickly. I mean, is this really crucial to my life or can you just let it go off don’t don’t clutter your mind with stuff like that. I also learned how to do a better job of living the moment mindfulness is a big Trend these days but if you’ve tried it, it takes a lot of effort.

00:25:07 – 00:30:06

You gotta keep your mind on the moment and what is happening in the sights and the sounds and smells and the colors and the feelings all of that with your own body, but it became easier for me to do that and some experts and this is true of me think that if she let yourself feel anticipatory grief then your host desk reef is shorter. And that happened to me because I had been grieving for my mother for nine years. And in a sense, I was grieved out. You know, I just I figure you know, I adored her I took care of her right up to them. And I did everything that I could possibly do to protect her. I monitored her finances I made and remaining money come out even with her death, which was quite a home page. Let me tell you cuz she had been defrauded of $50,000 and so now coming to the end of how anticipatory grief may help you you can own start to think of ways to make good things from grief and that made me decide. I’m going to write some great resources for people and that’s how I can help people and while I have been at home in our apartment here I had started Workbook for kids that are grieving actually there are two one for a young kids one for ages four to eight one for older kids ages eight to twelve. We were the publisher and I were just about to send the first one to press when the pandemic it and she’s you know, put it on hold but according to the publisher she says these books are quote amazing month. So I’m very the wrong hold Loop. Sorry, I forgot. There’s a leg. Well, I’m surprised they put them on hold in this time frame because I would think kids have lost a lot especially teenagers have lost a lot of their rights of Passage with Proms and graduations. And you know, everybody’s loss something vacations postponed Weddings But you don’t get back your graduation time. I mean, even if they do it later in the year it’s way past. Yeah, once we get July 1st Wells over. Yeah. Well, the problem was One Financial because all Publishers I think our cut off cutting back with it. You don’t know what’s going to happen. But the other is that they are workbooks for kids. So you have to have an actual printed book off. In order to complete the pages, it can’t be an electronic. I suppose it could be electronic and people could download it, but I’m not running her company and I’m I’m I’m proud of the books and eager to see them in print and every every book is a learning experience and I was going to make them longer and she said to me that well, you know, this size 20 pieces of paper on either side. This size is what kids will work on if it gets longer than that, they won’t do it unless we’ve learned that from experience. I thought that was interesting so overwhelming. Yeah, so I’m I’m glad I did those and I’m still trying to make good things from grief and I give talks that extend my books. I give free workshops. I I do all that. My motto was happy. Clean underwear. We’ll talk I can talk. So that’s a new one on me. I found my biggest grief after mom passed was not that she passed cuz I was like, okay, she’s in a much better place now, wherever that may be wrong and but it was more of a sadness for what should have been she should have been able to hang out with her three grandkids. And when I say that I really kind of mean the younger too long cuz my daughter’s twenty-eight and half and my niece is 14 and 1/2 in her brother’s 11. So she’s obviously not going to hang out with the adult granddaughter who works full-time as much as she would with the younger ones, They didn’t get the good years with her. So when I say hang out with the grandkids that’s kind of what I mean, and she should travel with her friends and decorate her house.

00:30:06 – 00:35:01

However, she wanted but no that was not meant to be and that’s that’s kind of where the the grief kind of happened for me is more of a what should have been. And I’m glad that she went when she did because not being able to see her. I did get to see her the day before she passed I’m assuming she knew I was there a month and then we saw her the day. She died that she’d already left us and You know with all of this Insanity going on not being able to go there and spend the time with her was challenging and I was concerned she would forget me and not trust me. I thought I was her best friend and I didn’t want to lose that which from what you said with your mom. I’m glad I didn’t experience that that that would be difficult. But that that’s where the the wife was and the last couple of days. She keeps popping into my head with like I wish we were doing this or I wish we were doing it just the normal things that she and I did like going to the park and watch kids. It’s kind of weird, but we’re having The future with her you lost your future and I I did expect I did expect that she would be okay and that she would be in a wheelchair which would give me a lot more control over her which she probably wouldn’t have liked but it would have made things easier. And so I I was you know, I had a let’s see them mentally thought through all of that and what how it might play out. So when they called and said mom’s not doing very well. We think she’d benefit from a visit from you. I was like great there’s two weeks with not seen her at all is really concerning me and then I saw her and I was like, oh, yeah, we’re not going to the park. This is this is not a good thing. So I thought it was it was a little bit of a shock cuz I hadn’t seen her for two weeks. So that might have been part of it. But you know when you stack all of the major life events moving up ending our life. Cuz I also kind of almost completely retired from my photography business. Well it kind of have because it can’t do it right now. And you know, it’s just there was a lot of things going on and then her death and then and then you can’t even do a celebration of life right now and it’s just like home it’s crazy. And then I have a 12 and 1/2 year old dog. And so I am I’m like you have to make it till next year dude, cuz I don’t have any more bandwidth for any more crack this year. And twelve years old for Golden Retriever. So I love golden retrievers. We always had golden. They’re great dogs. I have three. So let’s pivot slightly to a more positive. Not that not that anticipatory grief is negative. Cuz like you said, it does have some benefits but I liked your book that your guide your affirmations for family caregivers. What was the the motivation or the inspiration for that? You have how many caregiving Books five guides for I have a 4 and a family caregiver a series and then I had bought a book. So you’re raising your grandkids that has won several Awards and then my latest is called the grandma force and bath. And won a silver medal. So I didn’t get up one day and say I’m going to write a series of books for family caregivers. It just happened. So I started the one the family caregivers guide off and at this time I had just started being my husband’s caregiver. So I’ve been his caregiver of it’s the fifth year and this is my 23rd year as a terrier. It’s a long time and because my twin grandchildren look lost both parents the court-appointed us as their Guardians and caregivers. So we did that for seven years. So we relived the teenage years which was a riot and they both graduated from college with high honors and Phi Beta Kappa. And then again, I thought life is going to calm down and I’m going to be coasting. I’m just kind of cult. No, and then my husband’s aorta dissected and I became his caregiver the night I drove him to the emergency room.

00:35:01 – 00:40:06

So I thought it was sitting around one day and I thought you know, there must be other people like me in similar situations maybe even worse situations. So I I you know after I wrote the family caregivers guide, I wrote affirmations for family caregivers and Ice was work. I write every day and I was at the computer and I thought you know, I really think an effort information a day keeps the blues away. So all right information and I wrote an affirmation and that got me hooked on in the habit of writing an affirmation. So I kept writing and I started a computer file and then before I knew it I had so many, you know the 5 a.m. Was bigger and bigger and so I approached my publisher at that time said would you be interested in this and she said yes, and we divided the affirmations into categories. Like loving my loved one is one category self-care is another category health and wellness is another category and I I researched information this before I wrote the book and I came across some experts and one expert said well just fake it till you make it I think that’s dangerous advice because you could lie to yourself and then you make up wake up one day and say gee, you know, I’ve been really faking it too much and and this is where I actually am in life. Another said to write about what you hope will happen. Well, I didn’t think that was good advice cuz it turns every affirmation into a goal and he could overwhelm yourself with goals. I thought why don’t I affirm the life that I’m living now and so that is what affirmations for family caregivers is an ass. There are different categories of caregiving so you can turn to the one that you need the most and at the end it gives you tips for writing your own affirmations and I recommend one second chance at formations because you can just put one sentence on a little note stick it in your pocket and make it your mantra for the day. And that book closes with the affirmation that caregiving is Love In Action and I think of that every day that it hasn’t been easy. I’m learning how to be a nurse the hard way, you know, step-by-step no college education just on-the-job training but caregiving is love and action and that’s what I think of every day when I get up and the other thing I think of is the fact that I am alive in is empirical itself. I have survived uterine cancer had surgery for that. I had open heart surgery last May 5th of May and historic day and I now have a pig valve in my heart and the fact that I am alive and the fact that my husband is alive after having his aorta just dead. Are two Miracles and it’s tributes to outstanding medical care. So while I get up in the morning I say how can I make the most of the miracle of my life because there is a miracle and so that is my goal each day keeps me writing keeps me going even writing for 37 years. Is that correct? Well, it’s now approaching 39. That’s a lot of years how many total books 38th Mi 39th bush is in production know I got a co-author for that. It’s a a book about leadership for young children and we’re very excited about it. I contacted a leadership person in my community who has her own company and it does leadership training and we’re very excited about this book. The illustration is finishing has just finished the cover. It’s going to be wonderful. I think this is a book that spans all ages that it could be a book off a child even though it’s a children’s book, but you could give it to a work colleague, you know, who is a leader or you could even give it to yourself? I think it’s going to expand all ages. Well, I think we could definitely use more help with teaching people how to be leaders as I don’t feel that that’s a skill set off that’s working for us right now.

00:40:06 – 00:45:06

Our leaders too. Many of them most visible ones don’t seem to be leading in the right direction or for the right motive Nations and other people kind of seem to sit around and wait for other people to tell them which way to go which now none of those things are my personality at all. I just bought know and it’s funny. You should say that because I mean when I had all these deaths in a row, I thought I have two choices here. I consider around long wait to be rescued Fat Chance of that happening or I can take action myself. And I remember, you know, it’s interesting to me are loved ones are gone, but we still learn from them each day. We remember something. They said we remember something they did offer. Happy memory a laugh you shared. I remember my mother telling me one day that the good fairy is of coming. And she didn’t tell me that to quell my belief in fairies. She wanted me to know that I was the good fairy and that I was responsible for myself. And I thought that after I suffered the multiple losses and I thought I am going to be my own good fairy. I have the strength to do this. I’m going to do it and whatever it takes I am going to survive this and it resulted actually in far more books than I thought. I just kept writing. That’s a good I find writing to be a bit cathartic and I’m going to start my I’m going to write I think some ebook guides was recommended for me and the book that I had planned on writing which is what morphed into the podcast cuz I thought well, I can’t write a book until after my mom is gone and that was about three years. And I thought at the time it’s going to be a lot longer Journey. So I should do something else. So I did and then it wasn’t that long a journey at the end with her. I mean twenty years was a long time but she lived three years and two weeks passed my dad. So we we expected it to be significantly longer. So it’s that’s one of my goals, but I’m not I’m working towards having the time to do it and but I’m not putting a lot of pressure on myself because life has been insane as it is, you know, there’s just a lot of upheaval and a lot of loss and it’s like I’m being kind to myself. Which there are days that’s hard. But you know, we all get through it one way or the other and I like how you said you were going to be your own good fairy and I love the frame is care giving is Love In Action. That’s just beautiful. Well, I appreciate this and I will have links to all your books in the show notes. So people can just click the hot link and order them because I’ve been reading them and they’re fantastic and she does have a family caregiving guide. That is a cookbook and I’m going to get that one too. Cuz we love to cook in this house. So simple tasty meals Kind of Perfect for two people that who schedules are never the same every day. So I highly recommend that one for everybody and you have a last With pit bit of wisdom for everybody before we go. I think the only thing I could say is that you are stronger than you know, when the time comes you can draw Upon A Wellspring of strength that is within you and use it to your own advantage and you do have the ability to create a new and meaningful life and I was living proof of that and I have a happy life. I show today that’s a good good point to make that it’s happy cuz I can I can only imagine losing your daughter and your son-in-law and then raising teenage grandchildren and everything else that went on. That’s just too much too much Life all at once a month. I thought my my 2020 and 2017 was too much life. So it’s proof that everybody’s journey is different and we all well get what we can handle usually we off. Have to sometimes we have to take a step back and figure out how to how to handle it that’s best for us. And I think your books will help people do that. Well, thank you and thank you so much for thinking of me and inviting me to be on your show.

00:45:07 – 00:46:22

If you’re a regular listener, or if you follow me on social media, then you know that I have had two losses this year both were somewhat of a surprise, but not entirely unexpected long of a time in the future when my mom would be gone or when I would no longer have a dog sized Shadow did make losing them a little easier understanding that grief is mostly a reaction to change. Also help me navigate my feelings after their deaths humans are very averse to change and a permanent change. We have no control over is exceptionally difficult to navigate down. There are many ways to add to your coping techniques, but if you need to talk to someone, please do that losing someone this year has had added challenges that are beyond the norm, so it’s completely understandable that we need a little extra help creating those coping tools. I hope my conversation with Harriet is a start to helping you find those tools. Feel free to reach out to me if you’re looking for someone to talk to Jerome. I’ve been there and I understand what we’re all going through. I hope I can be one of the brightest spots in your week. And those always I’ll be in ears again next Tuesday.