A podcast that listens, hears, and offers wisdom & hope from caregivers who have lived the experience.

A Supportive Podcast for those Dealing with a loved one with Memory Loss

Telling Your Caregiving Story for Publication

Telling Your Story for Publication

00:00:01 – 00:05:04

Welcome to fading memories a podcast with advice wisdom and Hope from caregivers who have lived the experience and survived to tell the tale thinking of us as your caregiver best friend. As you know, my mom suffered from Alzheimer’s and cognitive impairment affected my grandmother and great-grandmother it seems to run in my family. But I’ve learned my brain health doesn’t have to fall off the same fate as those who came before me. I am doing what I can to improve the health of my brain including eating a better diet and exercising. However, I learned recently that when it comes to nutrition, most of us are still living with undernourished brains and I know I need something to fill those nutritional gaps. This led me to neuro reserve and their product relish. Relevant is a nutritional supplement that restores the vital nutrients for a healthy aging. Brain relevate includes 17 of the most important nutrients, that specifically Target long-term brain health. These nutrients come from the Mediterranean and mind diets, which Studies have discovered can reduce our risk of Alzheimer’s by over 50%, you can use my code f. M15 for 15% off of your order, this code is good for subscriptions which will apply to all future orders as well as individual orders. Go to narrow Reserve, to purchase. The link is in the show notes and you can also find it on my website. Neuro reserves mission is to help our brain span match, our life span My mom always said everything happens for a reason, and I firmly believe that with today’s guest, Ramesh danke is an entrepreneur provider and blogger. He has gone through many of Journey’s in life, and stops along the way. He’s a trained mechanical engineer and Industrial Engineer, and like many of us. He has never worked in the field wage, his course of study Ramos started his career as a systems analyst eventually, he realized his passion, lied elsewhere and he left his cushy systems analyst job and attained an MBE after the NBA. He worked in marketing product project program management, Business Development and strategic planning areas for Fortune. 100 companies. He enjoys his work and travels bappy always longed to be an entrepreneur Ramos believes that life is about having a purpose, being passionate, persevering through testing times and exploring possibilities. His goal is to shed His experiences and knowledge through his website and newsletters and you might ask yourself what does that got to do with Alzheimer’s caregiving? Well, many of my guests become authors and in addition to being an author Ramos also has a caregiving story to share. So with me today is Ramos don’t, ah, he is a best-selling author, a host of several popular podcasts, none of which are on caregiving home. And we’re going to actually talk today about first, his mom’s Journey with his dad who had likely had Parkinson’s were mostly going to talk about how caregivers like ourselves in our story for publication. So thank you for joining me. Ramos, thank you very much Jennifer for having me here, so I’m very honored. Thank you. So, give us the give us your by over like quick, if that’s possible cuz you’ve been doing a lot of things. Yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of things so very quick bio is. So I work for a large technology company and the marketing business development and strategy and the 2016 or so I left, I’d wanted to do a lot of other things in life and then afterwards, I started a consulting company Iraq. Couple of books. I started a few podcasts and so an entrepreneur world. I I meant to and help people. Oh, do whatever they want to do, is start a business. Start writing a book, you know, start a podcast if they want to do. So, any of those things? Well, we connected because you have an upcoming book called the 60 Minute Podcast start-up. I think you bought a couple of quotes from some crazy fighting memories podcast, hosts. That’s right. Jennifer actually. Yeah, it’s a little bit on that. How we connect it, right? So I started this series called the 60,000 startup series. The, my first book is called the 60 minutes start up in general about starting a business. The second one is a 60-minute tech startup and I took that because once, you know, the foundation is sad and people started laughing the concepts. I said, I can take that approach to anything and I 60 Minute Podcast start up because I have done, you know, at least to podcasts and then they were all done with only sixty minutes a day off.

00:05:04 – 00:10:03

Within 30 days. That’s a concept, right? So just get it out there and then I was reaching out for other successful podcast hosts who I could feature in the book. And then I put a call out there and then some lady calls Universe responded and said, hey, this is how I started, the podcast is what I do and I said, wow, this is a great story. Thank you. It’s, it’s not generally the typical way. One starts of podcast looking for one that served my needs and not finding it, and then just insanely deciding to start it. But I have always been, I’m a hybrid. I like to use that term. I have been half artist had a preneur my entire life. It took me a long while took me a good portion of my adult years to stop wishing. I was more of one than the other. I am, I embraced probably a 15 years ago, the fact that I might not be the biggest the, the best photographic artist or the best entrepreneur, but there are a lot of benefits to be dead. Doing it at bolts. Exactly. I mean, that is the best way if you can make a business out of something that you love. I mean, that doesn’t mean that’s the best of both worlds. So we, when we connected thought I asked you, if you had a connection to the Alzheimer’s or the caregiving world, and you said, your mom took care of your dad in India, which I haven’t talked to anybody in India. I have talked to people across the globe though, so, tell us a little bit about your parents and no, that’s not related to our topic. But I like to keep it like, people to know, like, everybody’s Journey cuz I think talking about our caregiving journey is an important. Yeah. That wasn’t something people did ten years ago, fifteen years ago. Yeah. So it’s, it’s interesting. You know, High, I started looking at this point because my both, my parents are teachers, and then, my parents retired, some time ago. Now afterwards, they’re enjoying life and then they visited us multiple times dead. And suddenly about I would say, maybe 2014 ish around that time frame, we didn’t realize what was going on, but we could see some symptoms of fact, my dad while walking he would, I mean, not a steady gait, that’s one. And then now and then he would forget things but we said you know, we all forget things right? So so we didn’t make any connection at the time and once I remember when he was visiting us here in near in Sacramento, we were walking and suddenly he was walking by himself and then he fell on a in a rose bush and then Thursday. So we thought he just found because you know, we could never make the connection. So but now, looking back at those things, now we could make connection that Poe, he had some kinds of this symptoms to starting in 2014-15. Okay? And 2016’s or maybe I would say 17 inch that was the last time he came here to the US and then we celebrated his 70th birthday or while he dead. Here in the US and all was going well, when he went back things deteriorated very quickly, right? So it’s a, then he was unable to walk steadily and then he was forgetting page in his long-term memory was really good, but the short-term memory was not that good. So he would forget like things like, what did he eat for breakfast? Right. So things like those kinds of things and they found seats. What happens in this situation, says the realization first, you try to think of it’s not real, right? I mean, you know you know all the different stages, you’re in denial, State and said, yeah, we don’t know what’s going on. So I will pass in the back to normal in the next week or so, but it was not the case. And then so my mom took my dad to the hospital and then initially they came and she said it’s Parkinson’s, right? So it’s like, posting is huh? Never heard of this because you only read about these things somewhere. Somebody else has these kinds of things, never your family or something. Right? So it’s like, then you start digging into it, okay? So now, beginning to make connection, then you accept that is Parkinson’s, right? And then they were treating for that one. And then I was did India, and then he went to the hospital, and then the doctor that morning, he forgot to take the Parkinson’s disease, whatever medication they were giving and the doctor of the neurologist looked at him and he said he’s not faking, he didn’t take the medicine to something is not right, right. So then again, we went through some diagnosis and we found out that this Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, the neurological issues are all connected. So the first issue itself is the diagnosis, right? So they cannot the doctors. However good, they may be not really great at diagnosing completely off. This is what it is. So it’s 11:00 up that I mean that story that’s how we we came to realize and of course later on a few more things that I’ve shared about, what what happened? That’s pretty typical.

00:10:04 – 00:15:04

It’s, it’s tough, right? And then my mom was by myself and we have two brothers and both of us are here. So, all the way we are, feeling a little guilty about not being there to take care of her parents. And it was just basically getting worse and my mom was having really tough time and to deal where he would, you know, shriek and sometimes he would, you know, screen him and things like that, right? So and then I went back home and to see I mean, there was a time I could remember. Mom said, I cannot handle any. Any more, right? I said, okay, fine. So that that’s one of the reasons. I also branched out into this leaving my job and you know, that I have more flexible schedule so visited and then I looked at it and I don’t know if she can share this, but there was one incident like, you know, he would one day he would, he always wanted to shave for whatever reason. Like, so he my mom said, okay, you’re it’s all shaping, but he wanted to do it at home. Was she was worried that he would cut himself by shaving it, but he was adamant that he’s it’s like he’s got a lot of hair on his face. He has to share it and I said, okay, fine let him do it. Otherwise is getting angry. That he’s not being allowed to do what he was allowed to do, right? So he wanted what he wanted to do. So I can let him shave and then he the mirror, he was standing by himself for twenty minutes and 25 or is he just kept on doing it? And then so those are all the idiosyncrasies that were there. And so we we were trying to figure out what to do, but immediately we got some help at home too so that my mom would get some help with hired. One person. I mean, definitely male in the young so that she could like fax example. If it was trying to push back, those kinds of things, he could help with that kind of stuff. So then things started getting little better after that with the help that we were able to get dead. Yeah, having help is extremely important, extremely important. And then, at least in the sense that it was, like, my mom could not even go to bathroom, because he would, he always needed somebody to be around him, right? So long, so he was also a little scared what was going on, so he always wanted her but the same time he was not allowing her to be herself, right? So it’s like he was demanding. You do this, you do this. So it’s, it’s almost like a twenty four by seven, but once we got the help, we got little better and then afterwards, the neurologist who said he’s not strictly Parkins. And then suggested doing in implanting a shunt a programmable shunt. So because they said there’s a CSF. There’s a fluid buildup in the brain that they want to drain using a shunt. And so off we went we he was seventy-three seventy-four and the time so there was a decision about. Should he go through the surgery or not? But given other things going on the uncontrollable Behavior. As we thought this is probably the best, you know, to go through with this one and did it help. Yeah, it actually helped. So the deck these neurological disorders they said there are three symptoms, right? One is the the gate, the the walk itself and the second was a bladder control or lack there off. And the third one is the memory loss, right? So to some extent memory loss was not the painful thing, she cuz it’s like, okay, fine, you don’t remember things. That’s not a problem, but they’re also psychological issues in terms of getting angry shouting at people, in those things, like those were becoming little uncomfortable, not a bulb. And then, of course, the walk itself, right? So unable to even walk by himself and the bladder control. But the shunt programmable shan’t helped with those two things, which is the walk Gardens study and then he got control of the, the bladder control, right? So those, I think what the site, good things about the shell, which I think is more Parkinson’s khong. Never heard anybody having that suggestion that treatment suggested for Alzheimer’s. So I’m wondering if he had the Parkinson’s Dementia, or some mix. Like you said, it’s very difficult to, to just diagnose. And that’s one of the biggest challenges. For those of us that have to take care of people, like our parents and you helping your mom and it’s not fun. So, and you said he passed away at 74874 in 2019 in November and it’s got a tie to my book as well. That was when my book was about first book was about to belong to a 60-minute startup and it was November, 7th was the launch date, and then the November he was getting, you know, worse than symptoms are getting worse off. So I left, you know, to visit him in October sometime. And so, we pushed out the launch and then so November 1st off, At the time.

00:15:04 – 00:20:03

Yeah, he passed away. November is a good month. We have a few birthdays in November in this household. Well in the family, I should say, guys me. Yeah so basically the toughest thing was watching my mother, I mean it’s it’s to go through this journey. But you know what? On the other she was always a strong woman, right? So she to some extent than five, six years ago, she was handling most of the domestic aspects in terms of the rents coming in the money management and all that stuff, right. He was totally out of it, right? So he was not doing it off, so it’s it’s not that she had to learn to do it. She’s been doing it anyway, so that was it. But, in terms of his, you know, require assistance, done 25 bucks on was really tough. Yeah. You don’t expect that ever, we should think about it more as we age as our population is aging because there is a room. Tistic that I like to tell people remind my listeners, that seventy percent of us 7-0 will need care before we die. And of course, most of us arrogantly, in fact, they say that in the nicest way, feel like, well, I’m going to be in that 30%, but we discount the 30% that died before they need care, which is not the entire 30%, but it’s, it’s a big number. So it’s, it’s definitely something to think about plan for and I know everybody’s like, I don’t want to talk about that stuff once you’ve talked about it. It’s, it’s just you, you’ve discussed it, you’ve made decisions and you can move on, and it’s not as stressful thing anymore and my listeners have known. I I joke, we are my family jokes now about our end of Life Choices. Just because, you know, I think it’s a way of lightning lighting lightning. There we go. Making light of something that’s not that you don’t really want to think about, you know, one page. Exactly. But, you know, I don’t know about Indian culture, but Western culture kind of treats death as a failure, which is really stupid because it’s inevitable. And when we stop thinking that way, then we can, we can make plans. And we can talk about things that are uncomfortable, like, we did our trust during my husband. I did our estate planning during the pandemic game, and we found out that we were not as far behind. As we thought we were. We were actually ahead of the average person, which in your mid-50s is not saying much, and one of the questions he asked, was if okay? So you want everything that you all of your stuff, will go to your daughter great. What happens if she dies first? And I remember looking at him and going, well, that’s not a very nice question and it did take a while to kind of think about like, okay, what do we want to happen? You know, she’s got a fiance, like, maybe now that we’re out of the pandemic, finally, maybe they’ll actually get married, you know. And, and if they get off, Married. Then if the, you know, and you think about it for a while, it kind of, you know, percolates in the back of your head. And then you realize, heck he’s been in the family for almost ten years. Like, if something happens to us, he can have it, you know, it’s just poof, no more stress. I don’t have to think about her going first, you know. So I hope she doesn’t expect that would be terrible but yeah, you know, my dad did proceed, his mom is that, you know, so it’s like, it’s not once you’ve thought about it and you’ve discussed it. It’s it’s like it’s like a workout kind of kind of icky while you’re doing it, but now you feel good that you’re done. Yeah, yeah, exactly. I mean, nothing. Same thing. We went to trust couple of years ago. Same questions. Yeah. It’s like you know that one I wasn’t expecting that one once I should have cuz it’s kind of stupid that I wasn’t. Yeah. How do you like if you are in doubt, you know, ventilator or whatever? What do you want? You know, what kind of option my life was like, I like, I am, I was very clear. What I wanted, I wanted to be taken off. I don’t want to be a note that, but dead, But I learned she was like, no, you cannot choose that. I said, you know, you can on a appealing to me. It’s it gets there’s too many gray areas. I was blessed with. I talked to a gentleman who he doesn’t correct. Credit himself with creating an Alzheimer’s living. Will it came to him and he thinks that it was divinely transmission to him. It’s, you know, I will link that in the show notes, so people can go back and listen to that one. But, it talks about like, people like my mom at the end, you know, like, it isn’t like I’m fixing her broken leg wasn’t going to help fix her brain and doing the surgery. Might have caused more problems. And I had always told my family, my husband and my daughter-in-law almost son-in-law that. If my mom got pneumonia, we were calling hospice. We weren’t going to worry about it. I knew that my mother would kill me if I prolonged her late-stage Alzheimer’s.

00:20:03 – 00:25:03

Yeah. And I’m sure Of them this repeatedly, cuz I said, I know if it happens, I’m going to waiver because my sister would be like, no, we have to give her the antibiotics and just fix her. It’s like, no. We don’t have enough to. Yeah, and I know a lot of people probably think that’s horrible but that’s where all these conversations are important because I knew what my mom would want. Yeah. And I knew it would be hard to change, actually execute it if that came down to it. So thankfully, she made it really easy. Yeah, exactly my decision. So I think that, at least, if you will and transfer, make the decisions, it probably is easy and the survivors that they don’t have to go through that. Exactly. So you were saying it was hard to watch your mom go through this whole thing and that ties kind of into the second half of our conversation about. I think it’s really important that caregivers tell their stories and I’m kind of in a unique position to be between the caregivers who are taking care of a spouse, generally wage And on Millennials cuz I’m a Gen X ER, almost a gen Z because I forget confused and maybe you’re at the NZ, didn’t know you just don’t know, it may be mentally dead. Now in my heart, I’ll be a gen Z even though my daughter’s is Millennial, but it’s interesting because I the way the different Generations approach it. It’s just very different, which I guess really shouldn’t be a surprise especially probably for somebody like you is written books and been in the tech tech Niche, I guess is the word I’m looking for and I’m going to tell this song, I hope I don’t regret this but I was planning on writing a book before I started the podcast and I told you a little bit of this off before we were recording. So I went to tell the whole balance this and maybe it’ll keep me on track and you’re going to tell me how to manage this, that’s making yourself accountable. Likely, it’s like, I’ve nervous cuz I’ve never written anything more than like, a Blog Sister, you know, it majored in business and in college. So I don’t think I wrote any like, major essays, or reports or anything. I’ve been an entrepreneur forever. So I only write when I want to write, I’m glad you have a lot of stories wage. I do and I knew so this is how my brain works. I was doing my work out and they were talking about the before times live concerts, which reminded me of the Coldplay concert that we saw in 2016. Yeah. Which preceded all of the stuff that happened with my parents. That my audience comes off. So I’m doing my workout thinking about what they’re talking about seeing about the before times. And I’m thinking about today, and what am I going to ask you? And how we going to make this a conversation? That’s beneficial to my audience. And literally, the brain is going back and forth, back and forth, honest to do this. And I knew this would happen. I knew that if and when a book was in me, it would pop out and it popped out. But week and a half ago, maybe a little more full like not fully formed but super like clear. Yeah, but I’m going to tell you the story that that proceeding of the podcast where I was thinking about writing a book, my mom was in memory care and she had her dog with her dog. Was named Misty. She was a, miniature poodle miniature poodle should weigh fifteen sixteen pounds. This delayed 28. Wow. So I called Misty fats cuz nobody cared, the dog didn’t care. My mom didn’t care so cuz it’s just like insane and the executive director and the med techs where mom lives and I put together a process to get to keep Misty from being fed by all the residents. You know it’s wrong because when you’re double your body weight as a dog hygiene problems happen and we won’t go into any more details about that cuz it was gross. So there was a resident, where mom lived her name was Lola. Sweet. Wonderful, gal. If she could see it, it was hers. So you made sure to hang on to your purse or whatever. Belongings, if you saw Lola coming down the hall, you may have sure your belongings we’re clutched to your body so that she didn’t walk off with him cuz she would fight you for them. Like she tried to pick up my office one day and I tried to be very sweet and nice. Oh no, Lola. I think that one’s mine. Let me help you find your. I swear she’s going to smack me with my own price. So I am literally trying to shove my mom’s dog into her room at dinner time. And the dog is not having it cuz she knows that she’s about to get banished from the deck and all of a sudden Lola’s talking to my mom. And all of a sudden, I hear if you touch me one more time, I’m going to knock your block off. Wow, holy crap. My mother is about to have a fight and I’m like, oh, Only been here, six months.

00:25:03 – 00:30:17

She’s not coming to live with me. Oh my God. What am I going to do? Thankfully, she was standing right next to the door that went to the Courtyard. A literally shoved her into the courtyard. She was so angry issue is shaking. Oh my goodness kept saying, oh, it’s so sad low as mind is so bad. Oh, she just loves Misty so much. It’s so sad. Her mind is bad over and over and over for about 3 minutes, I probably sounded like a lunatic and then, of course, and I said, dementia for the win because my mom forgot what happened. Last, that was a blessing, and she looked in, don’t use, oh, I think they’re serving dinner. I was like, oh, thank god. Wow, that’s a great story. Oh, but it doesn’t end there got better. So my dad I did not realize was having some cognitive struggles in 2016. He signed them both up for the NRA. This is not something that my household approves of. We won’t go into the politics of the NRA, dead. I get home, cuz I’d had my parents mail forwarded to my house. While my dad was asking me on hospice, there is a giant postcard, like six by nine inches, black background, Angry Red font, it’s addressed to my mom and it says free gun. I was like, oh my Lord, my life, what happened to my life? So I put this story on Facebook and one of my past photography, clients is a business. Coach said you should write a book and said, well, I think I might accept. I’m going to wait till after and I have talked to so many authors and and I’ve read so many caregiver books and, you know, anthologies novel. Like there’s a lot more out there than most people are aware of. Maybe they’re not my, my audience should be aware of it, but for the general population and so like I said, like, less than two weeks ago, I, I told everybody, like, if the book is in me, it will pop out. Oh, did so, for other people like me, who think wage. Tell our stories want to tell the story of a book in them that pops out when they’re doing the Peloton work out, where are we start? How do you tell your story for publication? So that like that story is interesting. I’ve got to like expand on it. Yeah, that’s exactly. You gotta. Yeah, expanded. I think that’s a good question. The fundamentally of course the books can be off. So fiction vs nonfiction, right? So that’s a broadest categories. So first you figure out, what do you want to do with your books, right? Is it more just want to tell you a story or you want to make the in a book a foundation for something larger, right? So in the non-fiction side there, a lot of people have built Empires based on the book, right? So they have course, they have training. They are coaching and in all kinds of things, right? So that’s One Direction and but if you, if you want to make books as a business wage, You can make in a book as a business and but it’s not the books itself as a business. That’s a fundamental thing, right? Let’s go. So you got to figure out what is the purpose is for your book in your overall life of what you’re doing, okay. Just want to be an author of just writing a book and you just want to tell the stories but don’t expect much beyond that. One of them and nobody wanted why this and it’s like why is not a best seller and all that stuff because your purpose is just wanted to tell your story right in my case. It’s more about wanting to be a rebuild my credibility out there. Okay. So I’ve been publishing writing a lot of blogs and articles like you did and in some areas and I always wanted to find my own angle. Mai pagal was making technology relatable to Everyday People, right? So I just wanted to make it funny and that’s how my writing started. I always wanted to do it. So find your own angle like dead. It’s like, how do you tell your story? You would tell your stories in a funny way. I mean, Jennifer I I told you the way you talk is, it’s not that you want to be funny, but it comes out in a funny way, the way you have a way with words, the way you put them together so I could see that’s your angle. Right? So you, you could make it funny, you could make it serious but it sent a serious message in a funny way. So long. Once you find that angle, I mean that differentiates you from the other people, okay? So, I think once you figure those out, like, what’s the purpose, why, why do you want to do it? What kind of a job are you want to do it with the other thing that people have decided is, do they want to go self-publishing route or do they want to get published discovered by the major Publishers as all of us? Know, the am getting discount with Publishers is not an easy task and then Stephen King, probably wrote some, you know, lots of books before he was discovered, right? So so those things you should be prepared mentally if that’s what ye You want to do, right? But the self-publishing with likes of Amazon out there, it’s quite easy, okay? And it’s not that expensive as well, right? So literal, you can self publish your book follow.

00:30:17 – 00:35:02

You know, if you want to do it less than $100, right? But if you want to do a really good job at it, of course, you will spend more money on the book cover off and then editing and proofreading, you know, all the other elements. If you’re good at it, you can do it. But you know you you probably want some Outsourcing help on those area. So as a caregiver I think I would I would think if let’s say caregiving is your business, it’s a profession. Let’s go. Figure out is a book towards a business from a profession. Or is it just by itself off and caregiver like Jennifer? You are not a professional caregiver, right? So you you took care of your parents, but you want to tell you a story to help others, right? So there is no monetary, you know, yep. And goal to itself, but it’s something that goes with the podcast, right? So I think those are the kinds of things. I don’t know if I’m, I’m able able to help with with these kinds of decisions. Oh those are things. I think we all have to make on our own. My goal is. Well, the idea that popped out of my head, which I’m still reluctant to talk about on the year is, it’s all designed to help people. It’s from the angle of where I’m at right now and it’s not a topic that people have talked about. So I haven’t seen it 5070, or, you know, a hundred times through my friends at all she offers. And I think it’s, well, it’s an angle that isn’t necessarily going to be highly saturated. I guess I should just tell you what the angle is. So the idea a is caregiver, re-entry? Post-pandemic, post caregiving who am I now? Okay. That’s, that’s the title in the subtitle and the artwork on the front would be a parachute with a puzzle piece underneath. That tells you how about you put over half, artists, it all comes out once that’s great. So yeah, you already thought through all those things, right? So which is great and the other day that you are also alluding to is who’s your audience? Who is it meant for? Right? What will they do with that information that you’re going to put in the book, or what do you want them to do? I I think for myself off, I want people to know that the way I feel, and I’ve read, like, on social media that other people in my position of recent past, caregiving is like complete confusion and it’s totally normal. Like there are many podcast episodes of mine where I’m like, I am ready for moms journey to be over and the moms Journey was over and I was like, wait a minute, I’m not sure I was ready. It’s like what the hell? This is like, schizophrenia I don’t understand. And then of course you couple that with them. Pandemic. And I retired from portrait photography because of a lot of reasons, but mostly cuz I couldn’t work last year and it was from the last recession for the last past, ten years. It’s just been harder and harder to make a good living at it. So, I finally said the heck with it, I’ll just time to move on to something else, is kind of what I decided, but I haven’t figured out exactly what something else is be off, like, in addition to, or beyond the podcast. So I’m still in that. Who am I now phase? Which is fine. Originally, I kind of had a panic attack about like I know, I kind of took what I’m doing with my life. Yeah. Like no, I don’t. I mean I do but I there’s not like a deadline. It’s not like a timer is going to go off and you gotta do the yeah. Yeah. I’m like just cuz I’m going to be 55 them. All doesn’t mean I gotta know. Now, I gotta know by my birthday. Ya know, those are false deadlines. And once I took a deep breath and realized everything is fine. We have plenty of money dogs. Happy. Everybody’s happy. It’s fine. I don’t have to I don’t have to make a decision, right? This second that’s what I’m like. Well if the book happens it happens and then at the idea popped out and I’m like I really like this idea because I had not seen people talk about what it’s like after when you get to the other side of the mountain. And so many of us had to get there through a pandemic. Obviously, there better not be another giant off or just a big pool of potential authors for the next pandemic actually. It’s very timely, right? So let’s say, I think yours has got a very unique angle which is it’s not been explored. I didn’t have a pandemic before. So this is so you’re coming out and you have expertise in you know the care and you had time to think through these things. So one of the other aspects, I will also talk about a week as writers and authors. They want to think about writing and then, you know, a book, right? But that’s only one piece of it but other piece of is marketing of so unformed.

00:35:03 – 00:40:02

Many authors don’t think about that. It’s it’s one of those things. If there’s this in the technology world, there’s something all that if I build it they will come. Right? So it’s like I will build the best product out there, whatever. The best could be, people will come and buy you know, the world doesn’t work that way, you have to Market, you know, whatever your building. It’s the same thing goes for the book too. So you have to bake in the marketing piece of the book, right? From GetGo. So that’s not something I was considering until we started talking about it and then I’m getting more ideas are popping. So the thing is, let’s say you write them, you know what? You consider the best book, what if like, so what’s the point of only five people read it, right? So, it’s just couraging to your number one, I mean, you got a great idea, but what if you make it, you know, available like somehow through marketing, you know, once you learn about marketing, what it’s about. So let’s say instead of five people like what time, Hundred people in it. So it serves a purpose. I’m not talking purely of money, right? It’s not that money will come. But as a, you know, as a writer your goal is you want them to read, right? You you want the book to be read as many people as possible, right? So, and then especially with the e-books and all that stuff, even the cost of printing a book is not there. So once you at least initially you prime the pump with respect to more people reading the book than, you know, use some marketing, you know, techniques and those are the kinds of things I come from a marketing background. So I’m I’m just I’m extended marketer first and author second. So it’s, that’s how I approach it. I think people should think of that way. So because some people, especially, you know, some writers may think, oh, marketing is bad. I don’t want to, you know, it’s like a man. I don’t want to spend any time on promoting. It’s it’s not, you know, it’s it’s a I want people to discover me off. I would not find fault with that thinking but the purpose will not be served. That makes sense. One of the original thought process that I had after starting a podcast was to do speaking engagements and I had planned on launching that in. Well I planned on it January 2020 we moved and then the pants off and yeah and part of me is like I don’t really know if I want to do that. Still maybe over resume. I don’t know partly because I like being able to broadcast wherever I have a good internet connection which I have not yet ventured out of this particular specifically designed room for the sound, but if I wanted to, if I was able to we’re supposed to be in Taipei this week, but that didn’t happen. The convention got canceled, but I’ve seen how people record podcasts in hotel rooms. I’m like, I could do that and then I’m not tied to other people. Schedules. Yes Lee little bit. So I’m I’m reconciling those thoughts, but I’m wondering if talking to caregivers at the end stages or after their person is gone. That actually, right now seems a bit more appealing. Maybe that’s cuz that’s the position that I’m personally. And I don’t know something to think about. Yeah. I mean, as far off that one of the exercise that I, I did myself and advise people to do, is what’s called a Persona, right? The, your readers Persona, right? Who are they right? So, defining that Persona, and terms of wage is the, you know, demographics, what age then. So almost like you define your Jennifer Finger, ideal reader Persona kind of thing, right? So she lives in Brentwood page, fifty-five years old and then you know, it’s a she worked for herself, what about? But but my point is like, defining the Persona helps identify By, you know, fine-tune your message lot more. So that’s one of the things. And, by the way, all the things that you’re talking is something for me, it happened, right? So I have a podcast off of books and then the courses that I’m building on and then the coaching, right? All these are connected, right? So the thing that I could talk to your caregiver audience is that way, you know, you you have a way to connect everything that you do, like, it doesn’t have to be monetary if it’s, that’s not your goal. Is it could be more to reach your on audience, right back on in your message, right? To multiple channels. There are readers books and then listeners the podcast, right? So and then the course that you offer. So, for example, you could, let’s say decide I want to do portrait for photography myself, but I want to teach others how to do photography. Let’s say you have a training course, right? So, and then you could have a book on that connected off.

00:40:02 – 00:45:14

So, all these aren’t in my mind, they’re all connected. So, do you think it’s important that people go through all those steps? Or I’m assuming it’s, it’s fine to write a book kind of life has for what you’ve gone through self-publish, and then just be happy with the thousand people that read it. I mean, that’s valid, right? I don’t know exactly what my entrepreneurial side is like no no no that’s not okay. Yeah, exactly. That’s what your other brain your right brain says know that you know why are you doing it right? So by the way, that’s why I’m saying it’s which is that it’s perfectly fine. You want to get the story out there and then literally you write your book and then you know, some of this kid KTP Kindle Direct publishing platform, gives you tools that you could do it yourself, you can format the book in the format that they want and they will print it on demand for you and then you could use their own free cover Image Maker, so liquid. Really you could do for almost $0, you could publish a book, right? But there’s a whole different side of, you know, how many people will read it, right? So, that’s where I’m a marketing thing. Comes into picture, makes sense. That’s what I majored in college was business administration marketing back before the Internet. It’s not just great. I mean, exactly, that’s what I’m saying, right? So for me, if you don’t think about marketing, the primary purpose of writing book is lost and I could be the minority, the reasons lost because juice your goal is to make sure that your book is available to as many people as possible. And as many people actually read the book, right? Otherwise, you know, you know, why do you want to write a book that mean this whole making it available, it’s called distribution or the place in marketing, right? And then how do you price it in a? How do you promote it? And then, so all of them are as pieces of the marketing job. For the right makes sense. And I have one question that I don’t, I don’t know if you have the answer to, if you go the self-publishing route as a way of basically proof of concept, you do you write it? You publish it self publish you Market, it use you start developing enough, people that are buying it. Is that, does that preclude you from? Then going back to traditional publishing house or cuz now, it’s technically published so they don’t want to do it. I mean, I’m wondering if that proof-of-concept thought is incorrect, know it is, it’s Chrome. So there are a couple of ways. For example, I take Amazon as an example and then sorry if you hate Amazon. So there’s nothing I can do because that is a largest publisher out there, 70% of the books gets older Amazon. So, and that’s where my experience is. Anyway, so all right, so here is what it is. So they have something called the KDP Kindle Direct publishing and then and then they have something like kdb select program. Where you could sign up with them and then in that case, the ebooks are exclusive to Amazon, right? You cannot sell as long as you’re in the program. It’s, it’s a three months or six months, along those lines, but as long as in the program, your exclusively selling your ebooks on Amazon, but your print books, you could sell through multiple channels, so there is no exclusivity there. So that’s what that book. Let’s call. Let’s a caregiver’s guide is let’s call is the the post-pandemic caregivers guide, let’s call her book. Okay. And you published and self-published it and then ebook is only three months on, but the other ones you can go to Barnes & Noble. You can do, you know ingramspark and other traditional Publishers are there. You could do that. So that’s if that’s one way the other way. If you don’t participate in the cage select like you just only publish through the the cape in in the sense then you are not making it exclusive to them. And there are other you book distribution platforms. So you could sell your ebook on bondage. Noble as well. If if that’s a choice you want to make, right? So, but these are all self-published and your other question is, okay. Now, there is a big four or five Publishers out there Random House, like a wage. Can I go to random house and then publish through them as well? There is nothing that prevents you from going to random house, but the random house will think, why do I want to publish the same name? Post-pandemic, caregivers guide, if it’s also available to them. So they want to control lot more aspects of the book if they’re going to publish it for you, like since its kind of what I assumed. But that question popped into my head. So I thought worthy of asking, so for somebody like me a hundred percent novice to this thing. This writing thing, the, the author, would you suggest doing the self-publishing or going through the painful process of trying to find a publisher? Knowing it’s not going to be pleasant home? It’s a, my, my bias is towards self-publishing and and the reason I will tell you the why I would say that, right? So the inertial set set, right? So for whatever you want to do, we want to age of business.

00:45:14 – 00:50:01

You want to write a book, you want to start a podcast, you going to the analysis paralysis. So it’s possible. What if I get picked by this, maybe they’ll get millions of dollars and and then you keep going through this. And then you’ll spend days and days goes in the weeks and months. And then, you know, at some point you give up, right? So that is the danger to working that way and unless you’re very disciplined, determination. You have, you know, the will to go to lots of rejections, right? So then that’s the otherwise self-publishing is literally, you know, get you out the door. Quickest time possible. So my advice to people is just get your first book. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just get it out that way, you go through the process and then the Dead Butterflies, you know, fly away, right? You’re no longer, you don’t no longer, you know, anxious about, you know, how it’s going to be there, whether it’s going to be, you know, hit them, not doesn’t really matter the expectation thought, they just want to get it out, okay? In the process, of course, you will try to make it better and all those kinds of things. So, my recommendation advice, it’s again, I’m biased is towards self-publishing. That what you did, that’s what exactly it is. So essentially, you wouldn’t believe it. I published the book and literally 30 days and then that’s why. So it’s like, this is not magic, it’s not rocket science. You break the thing into that’s what the 60-minute concept comes into picture. So brick, whatever you’re trying to, let’s say podcast, and you want to start a podcast break it into 60 million piece of something that you do every day. Like, so let’s say today, you want to identify, what’s a recording equipment for your podcast? So that’s all you do. The research for 60 minutes, you figure it out. That’s what you want to do. So likewise The book also, I’ve by the way, I’m not trying to sell it, but I have a course based on this concept of, how do you write a book, right? So break it into, you know, Sixty Minute pieces off and then try to do it in 30 days, right? Literally are at most six working weeks and and then so one day you only think about your audience, your customer Persona off one day you’ll go and research about you know, how to format the book, right? So those are all pieces that are broken down and then mechanically you keep doing it. You know, every day set aside sixty minutes, which I hope you can find in your, in your day and then just do it. But no, don’t strive for Perfection, right? Don’t try to make it perfect. Just get the task out am literally try to launch it in, you know, a month or two at most. Well, that’s excellent advice. And for my audience, we have an upcoming episode with Lauren, Dyke events birth Life love and Alzheimer’s and she self-published both of her books. I think the second one is out. I have to check with her before 4 episode is published, but hers comes out after yours. So that’s kind of interesting tie-in. We don’t talk about book writing books and her episode, but that is how she proceeded. So have a, I have a person in my my corner that I could also talk to. I don’t have to harass, you know, no actually. I’m always available by the way, so Jennifer you have, please do. Right? So it’s, I’m open to your audience and if anybody wants to engage with money, you know, Ramesh Tampa is where, you know, please, you know, send a message to me, you know, email to me and yeah, awesome. And that website since Joe notes and with that, I’m going to let Ramesh go. And hopefully we didn’t disturb the dog who has been snoring on the couch next to me. I hope you guys enjoyed that conversation. I bring slightly different episodes to you because it can’t be all caregiving all the time. You’re already in that space as it is. I know even if you have no intentions or desire to write a book, I feel it’s extremely important to tell our stories, especially right. Now we’ve got a new drug that’s out and I have an upcoming episode about that and it’s important that our society understands what family caregivers go through. There’s just so much that we need to share and educate people on that. It’s going to take all of us. All of us telling our stories writing blogs, even, you know, getting more active on social media. I hope some of what Ramos suggested might help encourage you to tell your story and hopefully we can log Change our society.

00:50:02 – 00:51:33

I am conducting an audience survey cuz I would really like to know what you guys like what you don’t like and what you might want to see that. I haven’t thought of yet and I know you’ve got a lot of things to do. So to sweeten the pot, I have a fantastic gift basket, that I will be giving away to one. Lucky recipient who fills out the survey. Some of the items included are two bottles of neuro Reserve, which is over $100 in value, a fidget blanket off or cube hasn’t come yet, so I can’t tell you which one. It is a beautiful brand, new children’s books. Some of the handmade greeting cards that I make and a little something wrong, just from my home town, I’m still looking for more items to add to the basket. I’m asking past guests and future guests. If they have an item, they dead Donate. So stay tuned. Watch the social media. Make sure you’re signed up for the newsletter cuz it’s definitely going to be talked about there. You’ll find the link posted in some of my social media channels, but it’s live. Now, you can go to the show notes, the website, the email newsletter everything, so please fill it out, join the party, take a chance on, getting a great basket. I keep adding more stuff to it and once again, I’ll be in your ears again next Tuesday.