What The Heck is Being Death Positive?
00:00:01 – 00:05:00
Welcome to fading memories a podcast with advice wisdom and Hope from caregivers who have lived the experience and survived to tell the tale thinking of us as your caregiver best friend. As you know, my mom suffered from Alzheimer’s and cognitive impairment affected my grandmother and great-grandmother it seems to run in my family. But I’ve learned my brain health doesn’t have to fall off the same fate as those who came before me. I am doing what I can to improve the health of my brain including eating a better diet and exercising. However, I learned recently that when it comes to nutrition, most of us are still living with undernourished brains and I know I need something to fill those nutritional gaps. This led me to neuro reserve and their product. Relatively relevant is a nutritional supplement that restores the vital nutrients for a healthy aging. Brain relevate includes 17 of the most important nutrients, that specifically Target long-term brain health. These nutrients come from the Mediterranean and mind diets, which Studies have discovered can reduce our risk of Alzheimer’s by over 50%, you can use my code off. M15 for 15% off of your order, this code is good for subscriptions which will apply to all future orders as well as individual orders. Go to narrow Reserve, to purchase. The link is in the show notes and you can also find it on my website. Neuro reserves mission is to help our brain span match, our life span Despite its name, the death positive movement isn’t a yellow, smiley face substitute for grief. Instead it’s a way of moving toward new truck acceptance of death. It’s embracing values that make us more conscious of our day-to-day living having death anxiety can help motivate us to quote, live life to the fullest. It can encourage just to make our mark on the world. In contrast, death anxiety can also lead to erratic or cynical behavior. Proponents of the death, positive movement argued, there are healthier, life is to discuss death and even proposed methods of relieving death anxiety in the process of having a more positive view of dying allows us to voice concerns, get advice, wage stories and mingle in a free and open Waze. With me today is Erin mcloone. She is from easynet. Probably saw her ads on the website. We thank her for helping sponsor, the podcast. And we’re actually talking today about something a little bit different. Might sound a little bit, not great, but I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised and world. Then I’m talking death positivity today. So thanks for joining me, Aaron? Yeah, thank you for having me. I really appreciate it. Jennifer, it’s nice to be here. Aaron is the one that suggested this topic. I’ve had a little bit of time to look into it, but not as much as I would have liked. So let’s just do begin with, you know, life gets in the way, it’s very frustrating. I completely understand is it seems like we’re all going about a million trillion miles a minute. Any more. There were some weeks that it’s like I know you bounced from one Zoom meeting too and Now there and it’s insane. Life is just crazy. So but that’s kind of what death positivity relates to. So can you explain? Yeah, that’s the one thing I did manage to catch. So what exactly is death positivity? You know, death positivity is not too different from dead body positivity or, you know, even sex positivity right. Where if you understand that there’s all kinds of different approaches that, you know, it’s, it’s kind of accepting. Hey, death is a natural part of our Lives, which we all know instinctively, we know that logically. But when I when you start thinking about that, there’s also that fear that comes along with it for many of us. And and so it’s just starting to understand, okay, well if we look at death and it’s just natural part of life, what it really does is it. Is us up to live our lives more fully while we’re here. Sounds good. Yeah. After after birth last year we’ve all lived through a little more than a year. I think we need as much fullness as we can achieve and and I need a little more body positivity in my life, too.
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I’m not going to last name. I went on a huge weight loss. Journey, more years ago than I can remember. Now, I think it’s been a decade now, holy Toledo, she’s time flies. And that’s that’s amazing experience. When you lose a ton of weight cuz what’s in your mind, isn’t what you’re seeing in the mirror and then you have experiences that reinforce that the mirror is correct, if your brain is wrong, and that’s, that’s just really fascinating. So, I learned a long time ago, I think having been over a hundred pounds overweight, is that our bodies are really pretty fascinating thousand souls for lack of a better term, you know, especially for some of us, you know, we’ve created an entire life. You know, we’ve created beautiful things to give to the world or maybe not only beautiful. But maybe technology, that’s kept us together in the last, you know, year and 1/2. It’s it’s that’s the way I try to look at. It’s like, okay. I physically I might not look like swimsuit model but that’s yep. I’m only five foot two. I’m not going to be a swimsuit model, no matter how much I try to change the shape of my body. Yeah. Well and, and I think the whole idea behind body positivity is helping your brain. Understand that you are beautiful in the shape that you are and go live your life, right? And so when we translate that to death positivity, similarly it’s hey yes we are all going to die someday and that’s okay. And again freeing us up to really live our own lives to the fullest There’s seems to be a cultural belief that death is somehow a failure, which is really, you know, it’s like I don’t know if that’s a Reliance on a medical profession or not really sure how we got to fighting death at all costs. Even when you’ve got somebody, who’s not able to live life fully and not be able, you know, somebody with alzheimer’s or somebody, that’s got end-stage cancer, whatever awfulness, sometimes happens to people and I, I always lived, well, I still live my life, but when, my mom was still around, I did everything I could to give her as much quality and fullness as possible. And I kept telling myself, I will not do anything that extends, this, this dying process of Alzheimer’s, and I didn’t. And I told my husband and my daughter, if, if the situation arose like, I’d always thought She got pneumonia, I would call Hospice. I said you, you too might have to stand on either side of me and hold me up while we go KO hospice or whatever. Like, do not let me back down because I knew my mom would hate the way she was living and she would, she was terrified of getting Alzheimer’s and she did so it’s you know, I it’s a difficult balance to know off or we just giving up or we accepting that. We all none of us gets out of this life alive, which many listeners have heard me. Say it’s what my maternal grandfather always said. Yeah, well, and, and you think about how we treat our pets right that we care for, I love and cherish, right? And somehow we’re more comfortable. Being okay with with them past thing and it’s time. That’s right for them and not and not prolonging it and yet you know, these loved ones that we care about. So deeply our moms or dads. You know. These people that are so important in our lives and like no no don’t go yet and And I think are times that they dragged on past a natural point. Oh, I fully agree with that and having gone through having to put down most loving, cherishing devoted crazy stalker Shadow dog of mine last year and and I knew it was the right thing to do it. Just we had a whole week off of, you know, just total hell, he was in hell. We were in hell, you know, one week of that was more than enough and it was like and I looked at my husband, like this is so hard. Can you imagine doing this song to my mother were, you know, my grandparents or whatever. So yeah it’s it’s a topic I like to touch on because I really I am I’ve always felt that we should have the death with dying option. That’s what gave me the option. I think I said that wrong, but I also understand that, you know, with humans, it’s a real slippery slope like really dead. Deep slippery slope really super steep. All of a sudden you’re crashing down into, you know, I mean, how do you if you’ve got somebody like my mom couldn’t take care of herself, couldn’t make her own decisions.
00:10:04 – 00:15:01
I’m just supposed to be like, well, it’s time to go to the doctor, night-night guy or whatever we want to call it. Like, it was time to the doctor death. Yeah, our society is way, not ready for that? I think part of that is is having those conversations, right? And and if you do come from a position, death positive words like, okay, it’s okay to talk about this stuff. It’s okay to have these conversations, right? Then you your loved ones know what you want. It’s not You’ve had a chance to kind of plan for it and and set things in motion, not in a Macabre way necessarily. I mean, sometimes it feels a little Macabre, cuz you’re talking about, you’re talking about your death. They’re talking about, your loved one’s death. But, but at the same time, that that planning, like, getting stuff in order. Well, first of all, that’s a huge gift, yes. Ma’am, to give to your family because then they can truly honor you the way that you wanted to be honored. And, and that feels better to them. Right? All of a sudden, they’re like, oh, thank goodness. I can make these choices knowing that this is what my loved one wanted and I’m and I’m honoring them in the way they chose to and not just, you know, off. Wing it will come back and you know the people that you talked to when they’re when they’re going through that settlement of an estate process life is so many. I mean, you know, how many, how many decisions did you have to make after your mom passed? Not as many as after my dad passed away. Oh, Lord, that was like Iraq. I kept thinking, you know, my husband’s a real estate broker. So I’m familiar with the stacks of dead trees. One less signed by a house or sell a house or all that, and it was the same thing with my dad. It was like, you know, how much paperwork do I have to fill out for somebody? Who’s gone? It’s not like not, like we’re purchasing anything or selling anything sick. Now, just gonna feel about this paperwork for Olga knows who likes? So it was because we’d dealt with their house and we dealt with probably 75% of it at least with my Dad’s passing and then three years. My mom passed away. So pretty much the only thing left to do was sell her house. We had rented it out after my dad, passed away to pay for the care home that she was back in because the house was paid for free and clear and had super cheap property taxes. You know, the 12 end up spending a lot of money on that house and to put in a new HP AC unit and other crazy stuff but it was fifty years old and we sold it. Yes last year. So, you know it wasn’t it wasn’t too much of a surprise. So even though we had to sell it off the earliest stages of covet, it all went pretty smoothly. So but I think that’s cuz we did all the hard work, dealing with the house and stuff with my dad, you know, just like I still have family photos to go through with my mom’s youngest brother. That’s one of my biggest regrets with three generations of memory loss. On. My mom’s side of the family is I’ve got tons of family photos. I have no idea who these people suck. And what’s my uncle can identify them? They’re always going to be those strangers. Yeah, it’s like having been a photographer for thirty years. I don’t want to throw them away but I don’t know. Who the heck, they are home. I don’t know what we’re going to do with. Yeah. Tip for everyone listening, write your names on the back of the photos and and even the approximate year, if you say, yeah, it’s true, you know, you want to be able to keep these pictures that may be of your relatives, right? You know usually at least one person in the family is all about the family tree and and put that all together and understanding what the history of the family is but without the information you know, you’re just kind of guessing at that point right? Yes. Well I have a really quick super funny store that everybody will totally appreciate if you don’t appreciate it. Well, I don’t know what to say for you. When we had our photography studio, in our photo lab back in the early 2000s dead, This family member brought in a very, very old photo album and it was a lot of pictures of the 1906 San Francisco earthquake. So you get very old total documentation on what, you know, and the pictures are literally wallet-sized there about two inches by three inches of their tiny. So yeah, you know, as we may need to get the magnifying glass have to appreciate those but it documented who was in the pictures, what was in the pictures? A lot of it was the damage and the destruction of the city that you would expect wage.
00:15:01 – 00:20:04
There was one photo in there of the person who had taken all the photos. And it said me, of course, nobody had a clue who me, of course, was so put your name in there, cause it feels really weird. But at some point you know somebody is not going to remember that. So and so that Aaron was the one that took all the family pictures forever you know two generations removed, they might not remember that. So right your name, you know, me of course and then in parentheses Jennifer. I just thought that was the funniest cuz I’m like this person will live in infamy as me, of course. Yeah of course. So who is leading the positive death? Positivity movement. I read some stuff about death cafes and yeah not interested in a coffin club, that sounds just too weird for me. That one was definitely different for me to get, you know, but it was like people that wanted to kind of design their coffins and and talk about what they wanted. And and it was interesting to read because it was our families that went and actually participated in that. They felt like they really had this closeness with their loved ones. And it, and once they had kind of gotten the conversation of dead of the way, right? It’s like once you once you kind of get past that piece, then nothing’s off the table. Then they felt comfortable talking about all these other topics that the song. Might not otherwise feel comfortable talking about what they’re feeling. It was really interesting, it was just like unblocking that one fear that went, you know, death being this whole block, right? Once you move that out of the way and then everything can just kind of flow but Caitlin and I don’t know exactly how to say her name. I think it’s Dowdy Doughty life, but she is the founder of the order of the good death and she was the first one that kind of put the, the term death, positivity out there, back in 2013, and then it’s just kind of picked up a lot of steam. It’s been interesting to see how many both Millennials, but even gen Z really resonate with that. And I don’t know if it’s because I just seems so far in the future, but they can talk about it without any kind of fear it does. And, and then, you know, you couple that with some of the really traumatic birth And that their generation has already lived through. So kidding. The first of giant recession and then a pandemic were saying, you know, they’re old enough. They lived through the Twin Towers, you know, through nine eleven and, and a recession, and a pandemic. And you know, Now, almost forgot about nine-eleven. My daughter is twenty nine. So, she was in fifth grade when that happened, and my husband is from New York. So we had some personal attachments to that page and so she graduated high school 2009. So that wasn’t a great year and the pantepec. So I hope she doesn’t have to live through any more cuz that’s enough wage. She still remember nine-eleven. Have you guys had any about it? Yeah. Yeah. But mostly, when the anniversary comes up, we talk about like how she kind of experienced it cuz I had never been to New York yet. That was supposed to change last year, and I just remember waking. This is what? Way back the old days waking up to the alarm clock and it was like, oh, an airplane, hit the twin towers, and I hit the snooze bar, thinking, how the hell do you not miss the building? Its kind of big and nighttime, like dog. Like when you fly with your eyes closed, come on like, what the heck? And then I hit the, when the snooze bar, I hit the snooze bar. So when it came back on the tone had changed dramatically from, you know, kind of chirping news alert to, this is really serious and I flip on the T and there’s smoke coming out and and I asked my husband, like how the hell they put out a fire like the hundred and tenth floor. That tells me all about the, his father actually ran the phone lines into the Twin Towers back in the seventies when it was being built. And so there was all this like family connection off and and he brought out pictures that he had taken the last time he’d been blah, blah blah. And it was just, it was just a really interesting day because he had jury duty and so he’s like, do I go? I’m like, we probably should and they go and they’re like yeah, none of you guys need to stay. It was just strange notices and being in California, you know, we’re like the opposite side of the Coast and its life. Oh yeah, that’s the thing that’s happening. And you kind of sort of go about your day, but you kind of don’t, it’s just, you know, it’s insane.
00:20:04 – 00:25:08
So when you do make it to New York, you have to go. If it’s still playing, there’s a musical come from away. I had not heard of that one and and it tells the story of this little town called Gander, that’s in Newfoundland. So all the planes that were in the air. When nine eleven happened, of course they, they couldn’t land them in the US because the airspace have been closed. So, they landed 38 planes, like, seven thousand people in this little tiny town of Gander and Newfoundland. And it’s just it, it’s an amazing, amazing story and I highly recommend. And, and the music is fantastic. So, it’s a, it’s a musical on Broadway. Recommended to, I will tell my daughter, says he recommends. It to definitely have to check that out, but we had friends that were in the air, we had friends that were overseas. Thought it was just kind of like, oh well, you know, stuff out, but see when you see you, you know, it’s just, you know, it’s just, it’s amazing. We can live through a lot of that stuff and then just kind of laugh about it later. But no way back to the death positivity it’s like I don’t know why it’s such a taboo type. Subject is when you were taught while you were talking about the coffin club, which still. So, I don’t know if I like that term and nobody in my family. I mean, we’re all like my parents were cremated. There’s that option to be like bald up and turned into a country that kind of appeals to, you know, us environmentalists out here in California, I guess. Yeah. But I can picture like, once you get past the, well, yeah, we are going to die at some point wage. I can picture my goofball family, like climbing in and being good. Just it almost be a circus. It would probably be embarrassing because we would probably not be very proper but you know that it’s like that’s part of the whole thing, right? Every pretty celebrates live and celebrates death death in a different way. And that’s okay with, you know, everybody has their own path to understanding. What they, you know, and I think being lighthearted about it. Like, you’re talking about, that’s there’s such validity to that. And and that’s that’s happening for you and for your family and that’s what it’s all about, right? I think so. I’ve my personal belief and this was pretty much the case with my mom. I mean, obviously she had Advanced Alzheimer’s, She fell and broke her leg. I did not assume that. That would be the end and it was. And I had accepted that she would probably not walk anymore, because she wouldn’t do the physical therapy that she would need either with the reparative surgery or without it. So I was not thinking I was thinking on the positive side like okay, she’ll be in a wheelchair. I’ll be able to take her out to the park can get from point A to point B and like a reasonable amount of time instead of taking 15 minutes to walk from the car to the park. And I was like all the positive end of that and when she moved like the care home called and said, well you know, it’s not doing so great. We think she did. We think she’d you know do well with a visit from you, which translates to holy crap? We think this girl is going to Thursday. We better call a family cuz this was right at the start of the pandemic so that we, I hadn’t been there for two weeks cuz they closed it. And then I saw it, I’m like, oh yeah, this we won’t be going anywhere, dog. Wheelchair. So it was surprising to me. How not want to say devastated. I mean, part of me felt devastated cuz it was like I wasn’t expecting it back, then, was expecting it and I was, I thought I was prepared for it and for the most part, I think if we hadn’t had the pandemic, grief process would have been fairly reasonable but like my dad died. I had to deal with my mother. I had to deal with his mother. I had to deal with the estate and the just like there was there wasn’t more than a couple of days to just basically say, I’m not decisions, just bring me food, pick out some clothes to wear, I’m just not making decisions. That’s how I was for two days after he died and then it was like, okay, back to business. Now. That’s how basically was with my mom. Yeah, now it’s like, well, you can’t have a funeral. You can’t have a celebration of life. So, well, just go back to doing what you were doing before she died. It was just like the pandemic didn’t log. Change that. And there was a couple of times late last year and early this year where it was like I could just tell was like all of a sudden all this crap would come up and was like I do with that pretty well. But apparently not came back up. It at me. Yeah. So have you ever heard the the grief with the ball and the Box Theory? No home. So, I’ve seen this Theory a couple of times and I and I think it does such a great job talking about grief.
00:25:08 – 00:30:01
And so if you imagine a box, right? And a ball inside, and there’s a button and the and that’s like your grief button. So, every time, the ball hits the button, and then you’re like, overcome with grief. And, and when the event first happens like basketball is huge. It’s just about touching all the sides, you know? And, and so it’s your grief buttons getting hit constantly, right? And then over time, like the ball star birth. Get a little bit smaller and now it’s just kind of bouncing around inside this this box but you’re still it’ll just kind of you know, and smack you when, when you don’t expect it and and then that’s great, you know, time goes by the ball, gets a little smaller. Well, now you really don’t know when to expect it cuz it’s just going to show up. Sometimes, you know, like when you’re frustrated with your well, my wet, you know, that the website got malware attached to it. Yeah. Which caused all kinds of problems. The funniest of which, and I’m going to say funny, because it’s so frustrating cuz it’s so stupid, my home Wi-Fi, security. VPN network, whatever you call it because my website got blacklisted every time I try to pull it up on my computer, it kicks me out. So it’s blocking me from my own website in my own house. Oh, Jennifer I think we have a fix but it’s been, you know, it’s like one of those things. It’s like really, like do I have to go? I can’t even go to the library. I’m take my laptop off Network at the library. You know, no big thing. Yeah, it’s like well, it’s just, it’s the company that has the equipment that, you know, I don’t know exactly what it’s called, but it’s basically. So that people can’t do nasty stuff through our own home network. It’s What’s blocking the websites Vine, why we can get a lot of on our phones, I can use hotspot on my phone to run my computer, which works and then doesn’t work. And then comes, it’s just like, oh my God, but when all that happened, you know, it got to the point where you’re like, I have done with so much, I’m just done. I’m I give up just quitting and then you just and then like the title wave of negative emotions comes over. You know, it’s like okay well that I dealt with this stuff. Okay. Guess it’s coming back home. Yeah, but that kind of leads me into my other question is like, caregiving is it’s like, it kind of sucks you into a big deep hole and you’re doing everything you can to, to protect them to keep them safe. And to, you know, help them navigate through every day. I think a lot of times caregivers get so caught up in caregiving jobs that they don’t that, they, they start doing and I know some people that have that this applies to, they do everything they can to prevent them from dying. It’s like to do. You really think house wants to be like this. Bird an extra six months or maybe we should have let him go back then. So how should like, why should a caregiver think about an Embrace this stuff positivity? It’s like not like we didn’t have enough things to think about keeping alive. I talked about death again. I mean the whole time Stepped, right is not. They grease doesn’t accompany death because it does, right? It’s part of it. It’s, it’s the idea of, of removing some of the anxiety cuz we have a lot of anxiety in our lives. We have plenty of things to worry about on a day-to-day basis. So it’s saying, okay, if we come to terms with life death and we’re, we’re accepting this, you know, and and not not letting it be wrapped in that fear and anxiety, right? Because because truly, if you’re, if you’re showing up every day as a caregiver from a place of love and from a place of protection, right? As opposed to a place of what could go wrong, you know, all the fear, all the anxiety, all that kind of stuff, right? You guys are already doing the hardest work that there is to do like YouTube. The the hardest work. And it’s it’s not just the physical piece, but it’s that emotional labor. And, and I understand, it’s absolutely a labor of love, right? So long. So as much of the fear and anxiety that you can remove from that, it just makes for a better experience for everyone, right? And it allows you to move that block that we talked about out of the way and and allow the conversation to flow.
00:30:01 – 00:35:12
Better allows you to have those conversations about, you know, what, what do you want mom or dead? You know, whoever you’re carrying for so that I can honor you in the way that that you want to be honored. You know, not saying that death is going to happen tomorrow and hopefully it will. All right, but it’s like hey, this is a conversation that we can have and and bring it from a place of love and it’s because I love you. Jennifer and care about you that. Yep. Want to have this conversation and understand what your wishes are. Because I want to be able to to remember you both now and and in the future and know that I honored all of your wishes that makes sense. Oh totally. I I’ve wanted to do for my mom celebration of life, a dessert Buffet, cuz she was a complete Sugarfire. Yes. And of course, with love that, too. I’ll tell you what. Yeah, my family knows, like I am not, I don’t wear black, I don’t have any black anything, some workout pants at this point, cuz whenever I have those black went away during and it’s like I want people to show up to my celebration of life. My favorite color is pink when I like color. So, show up and pinks and purples and greens and reds and whatever rainbow, I don’t care. Just, don’t come in Black, You Come In Black, I probably will haunt you, so show me. And, you know, and it’s like cuz to me, that’s me. It’s like don’t show up in Black, especially, if I live as long as my paternal grandmother. If I live to be over a hundred, which, you know, knock wood rack. My brain is still intact, like, party on absolutely. I’m Sam. I feel like my husband, and I, and my daughter and almost son-in-law, I feel like we’ve had those conversations. I don’t know why. Maybe, because when somebody’s got Alzheimer’s for 20 years, it does become a topic eventually and I don’t know my daughter’s favorite help holiday is Halloween, so it’s probably some morbid sense of weird sense of humor. My dad’s hospice company did tell me, they appreciated my morbid sense of humor wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or not. I would absolutely take that as a compliment I did but it was kind of like, okay, these are the people that are dealing with people who are dying and they’re appreciating my mom. And sense of humor, not sure about how I feel about that. But, you know, just had to do you have to find the joy where you can write? Yeah. And he was, he was kind of rough at the end. He was, he did not his, he had kidney failure, which the toxins from the kidney is not doing their job. Basically poison the brain. So he had memory loss. So, I had two people in, you know, both my kids had no mines, it was lovely, but he, he didn’t know he was dying and so he was real pain in the ass and he was verbally abusive. So it wasn’t very fun. But what was funny as he was being really gain access to one of the caregivers and I said something to him. And he just growls, snapped. This was really nasty to me, and I just left the room cuz it’s like, well, there’s no sense in like, you know, getting into an argument with them cuz that’s not going to make me feel better now or later. And so, my husband are leaning on the kitchen counter with our heads together, talking and my mom. And pokes her head in between us and goes he’s being an ass. Feel free to go in there and tell him to drop dead. I was like oh my God like oh my God she took a new and she was saying and it was really hard not to laugh hysterically, right. And just cringed the place was just like one of those. Most bizarre moments are probably remember for the rest of my life. So I know you have another meeting. Hopefully the internet will not kick us off again. My gosh. Yeah. Hope it’s like sometimes technology does not like us. It’s is there anything you wanna leave people almost thinking about on this topic? Yeah yeah. I mean I I think it’s really I think that if you Open the lines of communication, right? And, and I feel like anytime, cuz to me one of my favorite sayings is that the word emotion is like almost all the word emotion is the word motion and so emotions are meant to move through us, right? Both positive and negative emotions. And and when you try to block that when you try to stop that, it causes all kinds of issues in your life. So so opening those lines of communication and then you, you can create this positivity around death that allows you to live your life, more fully. And and that’s that’s I think what I would leave people with is so many times we get so uncomfortable or afraid or anxious about thinking about death about me thinking about those conversations that we just don’t have the conversations at all.
00:35:13 – 00:38:36
And then people are left scrambling and they don’t know what you wanted. They don’t know how to honor you in the way that you wanted to. You know, part of the reason we took it easy and I was to give people a place to put all this stuff but the biggest piece is having these conversations and and being able to communicate in a loving and and open way and and I think that’s true. What, what death positivity is all about. Well that sounds like a perfect spot to end and say thank you and I hope everybody enjoyed this strange. Happy conversation. I’m death. Jennifer thank you. It’s been a delight and thanks so much. You’re welcome. As many of, you know, there were a lot of conversations that my family never had like, what would we would do with mom? If dad died first, and what actionable things and mom really want for her end-of-life care. Not just I want to live in my home till I die, and I don’t want to be a burden on you girls, cuz those are Polar Opposites. So, I bring you these episodes so that your family can more easily initiate these conversations, and you can discuss what you want, what you don’t want, work through the challenges that our wishes might present off. And then, you know, eventually I hope that you guys will be able to laugh about some of your choices and and tease each other about, do you want to be a tree? Or are we going to turn you into jewelry? These episodes have designed to get you from the fear of those conversations to the joking, about our choices. And if you’ve got family members, who are still in the fear phase, have them take a bath. Cuz I think this episode could really benefit them and on deck for next week, I have a conversation with Lauren Daigle, it’s from life, love, and Alzheimer’s. If you’re on a gram, you probably know her. We’re going to be talking about caregiver guilt before during and after and what we can do to alleviate it as early as possible. I am conducting an audience survey cuz I would really like to know what you guys like what you don’t like and what you might want to see that. I haven’t thought of yet and I know you got a lot of things to do. So to sweeten the pot, I have a fantastic gift basket that I will be giving away to one lucky recipient. Who could fill out the survey, some of the items included are two bottles of neuro Reserve, which is over $100 in value. A fidget blanket or cube hasn’t come yet so I can’t tell you which one it is a beautiful brand, new children’s books. Some of the handmade greeting cards that I may and a little something just from my home town. I’m still looking for more items to add to the basket. I’m asking past guests off your guests if they have an item they’d like to donate so stay tuned. You can find the link to the survey in the show notes in the email newsletter or on my website and once again I’ll bring in your ears again next Tuesday.