What Millennial Caregivers Need to Know
00:00:01 – 00:05:00
Welcome to fading memories. A podcast with advice wisdom and hope from caregivers who have lived the experience and survived. Tell the tale. Think of us as your caregiver. Best friend as you know. My mom suffered from. Alzheimer’s and cognitive impairment affected my grandmother and great grandmother. It seems to run in my family. But i’ve learned my brain. Health doesn’t have to follow the same fate as those who came before me. I am doing what. I can to improve the health of my brain including eating a better diet and exercising. However i learned recently that when it comes to nutrition most of us are still living with undernourished brains. And i know i need something to fill those nutritional gaps this led me to neuro reserve and their product relevant relevant is a nutritional supplement that restores the vital nutrients free healthy aging brain relevant includes seventeen the most important nutrients that specifically target long-term brain health. These nutrients come from the mediterranean and mind diets which studies have discovered can reduce our risk of alzheimer’s by over fifty percent. You can use my code f. M. fifteen fifteen percent off of your order. This code is good for subscriptions which will apply to all future orders as well as individual orders go to neuro reserve dot com to purchase. The link is in the show notes and you can also find it on my website. Neuro reserves mission is to help our brains man match our lifespan. In all fairness the title of this episode should be what all caregivers need to know this episode however is with a millennial caregiver she had to learn quickly all the forms legalities and financial planning that goes hand in hand with caregiving. One example of the necessary information we need to know is banking accounts loggins etc. When my dad suddenly lost his short term memory and ended up hospitalized. his finances didn’t even enter my thoughts if it weren’t for my husband’s twenty years of banking experience. I’m sure our situation would have been extremely stressful. We’re taught as a society that it is impolite to discuss money health or even end of life plans. Unfortunately this leaves many of us. Ill prepared in the case of a medical emergency. Add to this situation the inexperience of a young adult and you could understand the problems we have to fix. Even if you feel like you’ve got your paperwork situation firmly in control this episode is a good reminder of what we all need to share about our lives with me today. is anne sager. She is a thirty year old caregiver. Who’s been taking care of her mom with younger onset alzheimer’s for about five years and i kind of consider anne and her group of caregiving people to be kind of a hidden group because we don’t really expect adults as young as you guys to be doing caregiving. Which is what we’re going to talk about today. So thanks for joining me. Anne having your welcome so tell us a little bit about you and your mom and you said she was. Diagnosed at about sixty three was was officially diagnosed about sixty three. So you can start wherever you’d like. I have feelings details quite. It’s quiet under any of course And i’m sure relate to a lot of it Officially diagnosed in maybe twenty sixteen hundred seventy. I dunno it sometimes. It feels like ten years ago. And then i’m like oh four years i you know we can never really quite decide when it was like. Look back at the date But she was like sixty three sixty four and we had the noticing. Find for a few years She retired from her job at sixty. Because we think it was kind happening. Maybe at all at least three years maybe at that point At the truth having a hard time keeping up with paperwork which is new And so then we just focused on like. She should have a really great retirement. And you’re young and like hey let’s make this happen. This is great and then we were like all right. We need to get realistic. And we got her to agree to the The testing Which was a lot easier than i think. Most people people. I think i’m a harder time getting their parents to agree to go through the toughing When they’re in the denial phase kind of but she was pretty. She’s very easy going so it was easy to get through that and was still very early on so we were able to get the confirmation. Get around air set. Who knows how much that really does. But get her on medication and Kinda start the journey from there. It was it was a point where we didn’t really have to tell everyone right.
00:05:00 – 00:10:39
At first she was still able to dr driving test every few like six months until she decided to give up her license on her own Which opened the ability for us to start having caregivers and she was living alone. And but i think it also helped us plan a lot Which we never totally planned. You can’t plan but It really helped us. And so now we’re at. I think we’re at like your five this And yeah she is now have now been about a year she has not been living by herself And so it’s my sister. My brother and i the youngest And it’s kind of team definitely a team effort. I shouldn’t say it’s kind of. It’s very much a team effort A common leading the charge They won’t deny that And so i’m fully taken over her finances and all that stuff. So now i’m on my third year a hundred percent doing your finances My aunt actually took over for a few years And yeah it’s been a journey And i don’t think she’s still technically My own she’s not even the moderate really out And i don’t know. I like to think that. Because she’s been able to kind of live with it and she she accepts. Her accepts the diagnosis. And she just is like happy You know she’s not in that depressed phase where like it can kind of progress your alzheimer’s faster super active She swims in. Walk every day. and You know i kinda like. She’s comfortable to Both of my grandmothers at alzheimer’s. As well and i remember my mom. Mom had alzheimer’s and was diagnosed or diagnosed back. Then you only did it with policies but she caregivers much earlier on in the family didn’t really deny things and so she was super sweet and happy up until she died and she had it for fifteen years Whereas my dog bomb. Unfortunately my dad will say all the time he. They were very much so in. Denial and she was combative and she was angry all the time until they finally got her and job place where she was comfortable and then she just kinda like relaxed a little because she knew she was safe and comfortable our whole thing. I mean my parents are divorced but my dad very very supportive and he has always supported us. Kinda getting out of this denial phase as soon as possible so we can make sure she’s comfortable and safe and i think a lot of that’s really helped us kind of get to where we’re at now But that’s kinda like sort of the gist of it. I actually don’t I actually live in virginia and my mom Lived in massachusetts until she’s been doing florida every other every winter and we just decided to stop that. ’cause transitions are just too much. We need to keep her in one place. The too hard to manage care I was really fortunate because the pandemic i was working from home this year and so I was able to go in. Hurt the florida And i used to live there. So my boyfriend’s military. We move around. But i never wanted to leave florida and so It was kind of a little blessing in disguise. I got to go back for the winter. And i got to spend a lotta monthly power which is pretty amazing. We also realized we can’t depend on care enough for someone to for one of us to live so far away. ’cause messenger brother. Both of my students so So yeah so. I don’t live with her but we manage everything and We actually we’re going on one month right now of having living care for her and it’s like the most magical thing that’s ever happened and we’re really fortunate. We’re able to make it happen for her and for us to always suggests that families get they start bringing in help early on and amount of and you kind of alluded to it. A lot of people living with alzheimer’s or very. They’re in denial. They’re upset they’re angry and they don’t want some stranger in their house especially on older adults like your mom is like not that much older than me. She sixty seven so she’s thirteen years older than me. That’s that’s a chunk They you know. So what i suggest people do is make a list of all the things you have to do during you know every day and then add to it what you do like what needs to get done every week and then you know maybe sit on that list for a week or two maybe even a month and add to it as you realize. Oh yeah there’s this o others that whatever those things that we do that we don’t remember all the time and then make a list of people that you know family friends neighbors you know church groups or whatever that might be willing to help and the people like somebody’ll come up and say oh you know how you doing or you know anything i could do to help and we’re always like oh no it’s fine blaha in inside were screaming it’s not fine it’s not mine but we don’t really have an answer his you know we’re kind of trained not to put upon other people and be a burden on other people you have this list you can say hey you know what anybody really good at that like if i was on somebody’s list it would not be handled the finances it’s not that i can’t i can balanced checkbook.
00:10:39 – 00:15:10
I can do all that stuff. I just don’t like it. My husband was twenty years in banking. And now he’s been a real estate broker for four years and i can remember since two thousand fourteen so it’s all his thing. He deals with all that paperwork. Is i just don’t want to know but i’m like great to ya if somebody says oh you know if i ask you. Oh hey how you doing. And you’re like try not to drowned and os or anything. I can do to help. You’d be like you know what kind of be so great if you could like. Did you like making some meal every week. Just one like that would be so easy and like it would just. It would do a lot for you so you don’t have to bring in people that like handle your loved one and i’m just actually really fascinated that your mom’s just been like really dislike chill with this whole thing because my mom was totally not. She’s not so wonderful. I think we started. We started the we have. The same person was my caregiver. And she’s like a same. She’s our person and so she My mom’s a speech language pathologist and she worked in alum entry rule and autho and so she always loved kids You know of course my siblings. And i are like sisters now pregnant and it like my mom greatest joy ever because the rest of type of kids come on like in ten years but so we have laura who started with and she had a. I don’t think families even a year old or something her saw and she would bring sam to with her and it just started. It was the first year my mom stopped. Driving and laura would just come a few days a week. Say oh like you know kind of check in and warm to. She really love laura out that she really likes and four years old and we pretty much higher. Say i’m i mean laura’s is but you know it’s great. I’m like oh like you know i’m gonna run into the grocery store lowest. Can you stay in. The car was staying on the in car with them. You know and they kind of hang out. And it’s sorta like watch each other but it but we started. We started slow and then we got through. We were doing half days. Then we got up to half days got up two full days and then when the pandemic not started. We just didn’t want her to be all computer with them. We went to essentially. We’ve been doing every month the last year we’ve been doing you know my sister were there for a month and my brother was there for. I was there for a month And then use the. We’ve kind of been like rotating off I’m still able to do it but my sister. You know expecting a soon. My brother and sister both got married in the last few years. Like we’re kind of and i couldn’t do it all so I bought a boat. Same thing of the trial. We realized we had to You know find more help because we couldn’t keep just shifting and we had daytime care this whole time but it was just a matter of none of us Live that close to my mom and so my actually like my brother used to live like two miles away but still as a matter of does your wife wanna come to your mom’s house asleep every night for a month or with you or not and So we definitely have warmed it up and even with this person We were like. Oh how are they going to go and i. We don’t think we’re just like prepared or the week. Before where an anon- she met near the end she was gave hugh tug was like. I welcome and so and now. I think she’s realizing she just has a ride whenever she wants to. Go somewhere to a friend’s whatever it doesn’t have to wait for someone shift asserts you just has the And there’s just someone also to watch over at the house now so for us. It’s so much better but my mom’s just really open to and i are. We are very fortunate that she’s just a very easy going friendly person who has no problem with people being around We’re very lucky. And that time. So i wonder now if my mom would have been more like that if my dad had been more like that. I hope that makes sense like my dad was. He did his thing. And you know. I mean it wasn’t like he was antisocial like hermit but he disliked know like one on one interactions are just really small groups and i don’t really think he liked people being over at their house.
00:15:11 – 00:20:07
Sure but i’m just wondering now because my mom was much more social and much more outgoing and friendly and as her disease progress she just got. While my dad was very his. Chronic illnesses was not really great with patients. Patient guy to begin with. And then when you don’t feel good and you’ve got somebody asking the same freaking question every five minutes you know. I mean it’s just it takes the patience of a saint not to lose your cool while he didn’t have the patience of a saint. I i kinda feel like all of these. Things contributed to her stomach. She was already stubborn. Because i don’t know if you know. The last ten months of her life she was gave really combative. Didn’t want help need help. And when you had to help her get dressed or take a shower or whatever and she was fighting with the two took to caregivers to give her a shower and she. They said she reached for her clothes and slipped on the floor and she landed on her knee and broke the bone underneath it. The tibia which is fairly large bone in your body. I’m ninety nine percent. Certain and i hold no blame to the care staff where she was at at all but i am pretty sure. She jerked away from. I’ll make outfit grabbed her clothes and slipped in. That was the end. The batch that was march ninth last year passed away. March thirty first breaking bones is definitely not beneficial at that age. No it’s not great ever but you know when your body’s already traumatized with a disease and there’s i’ve done an episode on fall prevention and frailty frailty team i and it’s really interesting how we need to like there’s things we need to deal like. You should probably start at your age. I’ve definitely been doing for the last decade. You know exercise eat right sleep right but do balance exercises and i was just working on one this morning where you basically stand on one foot in in. Close your eyes. And it’s i swear you close your eyes and the floor. Tilts all like what i mean. It is the craziest thing i’m like. No i am going to work on. I can stand on one foot. I can move my arms. I can bend over and touch my toes just standing on one foot. I’ve i have progressed. Through all these different variations of that move but now i’m seriously going to work on the last one because that’s really hard but you don’t unless you know y that’s important you might be like. Oh that’s really hard. You know what. I can do the other three so i’m just. I’m just going to stay there so it’s just this. This disease is taught me a lot about how age well in her. I’m just impressed. You know your mom is doing so well this is. This is really really good news. But i wanted to ask so to you and your two siblings right. So do all of you guys still work fulltime. You said your system z we. All we all work fulltime My sisters in management consulting so before the pandemic. She was traveling five days a week Or i guess. Monday or thursday. They fly home thursday. They get to work from home friday and they can stay at home on the weekends and then they fly again so wherever world but you also have the job where like she can never re ninety percent of the time she can never be reached three midday so not the person to put in charge of care management because if something happened she cancer So my brother is a talker And he works in the time we grew up in but has been season where he makes. Money is from now until october. So i would made a mistake in the past like. Hey can you dislike your five miles away. Can you just go cover this shift. This person called out and it’s now august. August is like the main money making month. doesn’t work And then i’m an environmental engineer And so i. I’ve been very fortunate that They company has been like pretty pretty great about Well my direct supervisors have been pretty great about Understanding when you know. I need to do phone or things like that. Like had really supportive co workers so sort of put me in the main position to be the point person for every And so i was also before depending on this and that i would also teaching exercise classes bar classes. Actually my balance is pretty good man. Work classes yeah and that’s b. r. e. not be are like to the bar drink not those kind of classic yeah But i was really fortunate.
00:20:07 – 00:25:01
The now with the pandemic are actually closed And actually three weeks ago. I quit my job. And i got a new one. I’ll start to be And but in taking it. I had to Essentially figure out is this to be a job where i can answer the phone in the middle of the day you know. I could never be a firefighter. Who’s fighting a fire or not. Answer the phone for the duration of fire because my sister and brother can’t really be like in their position and so we’ve been kind of talking about like did i. Do i take this job. I think it’ll allow me the same flexibility. A work a lot less make more money seems like a good plan. Why not take it Fortunately in my boyfriend baucus. And so i would able to get a little insight on. I will be able to continue doing the same stuff but it but it was. You know if it was a job that i wanted. And i couldn’t take because my sister and brother don’t have jobs that allow us to manage care and there was like what we need to hire. Someone who can manage the care smells like. Where’s the money come from. Well you’ve got a plan. That’s out in my own in doing so. Well so her mom when she was ninety two or something and so. My mom was diagnosed sooner. But i mean i i mean who knows munches dot as a late stage cancer and we know about two years or something We’re going after the for you know more than five years and really have to plan And if we plan well. We’re really fortunate. She is a means to continue to be able to afford her care But if we don’t plan. Well then. I better be stated in saving up Or she’ll end up living with you at the end stages of the disease which is a total work that i think while we always our thought process malaysia last year which we realized it was nice. It was when i thought but we really can’t maintain it was. Let’s spend time whether now she can still hold a conversation and still not. We are still funding to be around But she can go to author montereau and she can feel better so once in diapers. I’d rather pay someone to do that. That’s not where. I wanna play on And so it has been. It was an amazing winter. I’m fortunate i got that time when there Probably never get that time with but we also realize that we can’t do it all now but My big big shout is to you know my best friend from Middle school has dad My mom long-term care policy. And at first i was annoyed that my mom just bought policies from our friends and now i’m extremely happy because it’ll get off a for years kind of figure things out a little more and give us a break Which is huge so a lot more long term care insurance products available now than and years ago maybe five years ago mike parents opted not to do it because it was too expensive. We’ve got friends who are at retirement. So early to mid sixties that are contemplated but like the byin is like fifty thousand dollars each. And they’re like it’s probably at this point better to just self ensure they also have three kids on their son. Daughter-in-law granddaughter are in virginia. And the other two are on west coast so they have a little bit more like family options than like. I only have one daughter and she has her own chronic illness. So you know it’s like a better plan ahead yourself. Yeah and after like. I don’t know if you know. But my maternal grandmother had vascular dementia and live to ninety one. So we kind of along the same lines as you. It’s like i kind of assumed my mom would live to mid eighties seventy seven. I don’t think she would have gotten much past the end of her seventies maybe eighty just because of where she was at with the disease but following breaking her leg was is like the last straw for her body and that does yeah accelerated the end but i i think she had a year to three years left so she would’ve gotten really close to eighty you know. My paternal grandmother recently passed away. She was one hundred three. Which is really weird. Because i was like. Oh we’re so sorry. I’m like why should one hundred free for my great grandmother passed away at one hundred three and i remember off like two years her life. She was like she was practically blind deaf at that point you know. And she was just like she lived at home with last year for life i And every summer and she was just like.
00:25:01 – 00:30:16
I’m ready to go. Okay you know. And like she was not a printing type but she would pray like everyday okay because her husband had passed away when he was fifty five. So i mean she lived a long time without him So yeah no. I don’t need to go past hundred years. you know. I think if we could do healthy. And we’ve learned so much about you know like brain health and aging. Well now i don’t fear get into a hundred. I kind of jokingly. Oh i tell people i live forever but i don’t want that it’s interesting that your great grandmother was one hundred three my attornal grandmother at one hundred free to ben mostly blind from glaucoma since two thousand five and then in two thousand eighteen. She got really hard of hearing but in. I’ve i’ve said this before on the podcast. Stubborn is sort of a genetic trait on both sides of my family insisted on living in her own home until last summer. I think she must have. She had something happened. My aunt my poor aunt took care of her literally for twenty three years because my paternal grandfather died in nineteen ninety seven and my grandmother died in two thousand twenty one. So bill on time and you know it just. It was very hard. But i think she must have had a stroke or something because she went on mother’s day twenty twenty from bean Just pretty good. I mean she needed a walker obviously likes screaming or ear to be heard which absolutely hated into having all kinds of issues of my aunt and uncle that are local My dad was the oldest of the three sons. My aunt knuckle are low that our local keys. The middle son in and the youngest one is in palm springs in idaho. So he’s not at all so my poor aunt got the whole brunt of everything and you know she over to check on my grandmother and it was like okay. Something’s totally up and they basically said nope you cannot rely on your own anymore. And they put her in a board and care home. And i figured at that point. I like as soon as she’s al hospital. I mean this is still in the middle of the pandemic. i’m like. I’m going in those already. Lost my mom this year and not want to not see my grandmother in lose her two. And i assumed like well. This definitely gotta be handwrite. Like every major thing. That happened to her. I’m like okay. This is where she just gives up and she she told me i’m very. I’m very happy here. And i was like like seriously like baffling me. And she would sing ham shoes. She was definitely religious like some of us and she would sing hymns in her head and all that good stuff and she would listen to music. Mostly hymns brew headphones. So i mean she was happy but she had another bout in the hospital in early march and my aunt called and said well she in the hospital again when she comes out. We’re gonna put on hospice and i was like really rude to be like you know it’s like after a while it’s like nothing’s working quite right with anything in your system in. Yes you’re happy but it was so hard to visit because you you’d have to shout so everybody can hear your conversation. Hated that now but she you know she did really well up until eighteen. That was one hundred one shot live. My dad was just like she had a very full. And interesting life out That’s that’s what. I’m after his full and interesting so i wanted to back up you. Just you’re about to change jobs when this comes out hopefully you’ll you’ll sailed through all of the preliminary stuff. Did you feel it important to either. Not ask like re backup here. I’m not trying to word this. In a strange way did you tell them about your caregiving responsibilities. Or did you kind of feel like yet see. That’s the one thing i’ll have to change. But the new job comes with one of the greatest things is it comes to the separate their time and it can be used for a lot of it and it can be used for menam It comes with a lot of stuff. I can use to not have to use my. Pto to do stuff with her Haven’t really that’s the secret Because i am going into work in my boyfriend’s office I already know most people there. I did not. I do not know the people who hired me my direct either but i’ll be working at actually the coast guard headquarters in washington. Dc and there was someone going to get it wrong on what his title is or something. He’s someone who was high up you charge of either the division or the entire place or something and but his mother-in-law had alzheimer’s and He was helping take care of her and so they were pretty when my boyfriend kind of helped me transport my mom north or anything like that.
00:30:18 – 00:35:00
was really pretty wonderful. A with him About you know helping out. So i you know i kind of went into it knowing that. Of course it did. Coastguards people are going to rotate in and out But my old job So i transferred offices a lot because it’s my boyfriend’s job and i was really fortunate i had very wonderful bosses at first when my mom was going through the testing to get diagnosed and they were superficial puerto and everyone knew but that i didn’t generally have caregivers then it it wasn’t a big part of. I don’t know anything about doing at the time. So then i transferred to Detroit michigan office. And we’re really really small office. And i was really fortunate because my supervisor was trying to do part time work which in i was in engineering consulting and like part time is a very difficult thing to manage their kids and so she was the knock understanding person ever in when i was going through the process of trying to i was taking over my mom says and she had like eighteen hundred big accounts so it was like all eating. Everything was awful. I told you she liked to opening council over friends And buy things from her friends. Which with great and some sense but very difficult and other centers trying to manage all that get all the addresses changed over consolidate and i was all trying. I’m hiding her. Power attorney or healthcare proxy off and a lot of. It just happened during the day. And i was extremely fortunate that that supervisor was adds the of you know i’d walk in and she’d like. Hey i haven’t seen you in today. How your mom doing you know things like. Thanks for asking you know Then i moved to washington dc. Where i’m at now and I never really got that close with My supervisor for the two years. I was in that office But there was right with started. He came over randomly to just give me some good news about a client. And that’s the best news her all day. Okay and i was like three of my mom’s caregivers just quit. And he had no idea what my mom had caregivers four he knew nothing about it. You know i’m so sorry like you’re okay under someone else’s calling me they’d probably quitting to you know having four And he can tell you. It’s kind of like. I wanna be the to go off and then it was. Finally i was probably like four months later. We’re in my review and we were talking about going back to the office and all that and i finally. I was like okay. I haven’t told you. My mom has alzheimer’s. I’ve managed care. This is an extremely difficult. Time to find care I i just need to know. I was like i’m home with her for you. Know about the june. I need to figure out if i cannot come back. Or you know if. I need to the office or if i can stay here with her overnight care and all that And you just really great that you could tell even awkward like. He didn’t know he wasn’t go to that type of thing But he was really nice and they still haven’t gone back to the office In my left so in general the yeah no. I did not tell. Tell my new employer. I feel like probably got on my resume like manage something employees. That always quick. Because i don’t know that’s what caregivers not all of them We’ve had lots of them for many years but you know everyone yeah anyways but like managing but i just never want to manage people. I’ve gotten i think i i can understand. It’s definitely Easy thing to do. It’s not trained in managing alva- sudden you take over managing caregivers like when my dad was home on hospice which was like a little over two months that we’ll see yeah about two and a half months. We had three caregivers a day. Seven days a week is twenty four seven with my mom and then with both of them and it was through a company but it was just like the companies. They give you a false sense of. They’re going to do everything. That’s what i’ve learned in here anyway. I think i’ve i’ve seen a lot of younger caregivers like yourself that have like there’s a gal my follow her on instagram and she’s She lives with her mom and she’s got this one caregiver she was she had like. I don’t know fifty. Instagram story panel.
00:35:00 – 00:40:15
There was like oh my gosh. Those little dots are so small. I could barely see people in my reading glasses on. And i thought like what is she talking about. I figured i’d probably like out. Like three or four slighted to talking about this one particular caregiver. And i’m like. I can almost guarantee you that caregivers gotta be double her age because unlike just sense that this particular caregiver has a difficult time taking. I don’t wanna say orders. But i’d wanna be yet directions. There you go. That’s the right word from somebody who’s probably younger than her own children. She has children. And so i you know senator message and basically kind of indicated like i tried to like throw in my two cents into the situation and i said is this particular person like significantly older than you. She’s like oh yes i’m like. Yeah there’s one of the problems because it’s just we’re not really wired to like take directions from the younger generation. That’s not how it’s supposed to work. And when my husband was in banking he was in the middle so he had older female staffers and younger female staffers managing the two different generations and the opposite gender. Just like that was not his. Yeah one day. I mean with the with the we start. We were very fortunate. There was In my brother’s photography career he met someone who is trying to start Essentially an agency on the bombs were. I’m from a small island off massachusetts. So everything is very limited there I mean we have lots of things but this person was saying. Oh i’m going to start a carry agency And thankfully she did because she but she has been without growing with us and she’s trying to make a mormon all alzheimer’s friendly like community and doing all this stuff which has been amazing but she also reviewed our long-term care politics. I don’t know what this gap And she on our long term care policy is someone who can ask and make decisions whether or not gonna regret that or not. Hasn’t happened yet but she but it’s good because she knows how she can bill and how we can best you the policy which has been great but also she now is getting caregivers and so i have. She’s got his great great system and we’re used to working with her and you are living person which is great. But the my mom’s florida. And i was like okay instead of me. Managing half these caregivers that i found on com. Or did this way or that way. I’m just gonna use a whole time agency. I’m gonna get one hundred percent of my mom’s care from agency. I’m not gonna look dot com. I’m gonna trust them to do the work And we have people but then they always needed various schedules shift or you know the billing was off and they don’t make me feel bad that like i checked the it’s going to your long term care policy like yeah but if you use it all up tomorrow then i am not going to have an extra year of care client work that way and so we had just. They like couldn’t ever find with like tuesday afternoon. They couldn’t find some or they couldn’t find someone for two days so then i got my friend. Who am i heard. My mom get along really well really well She started coming tuesday morning so now they only had to find a shorter shift. Which said would be fine. But that’s not true. They want the longer shifts so but then someone had to leave. I mean they weren’t being paid. That much. And i was kind of the point where i was like. I want them to show. They’re gonna stick around and audible marez absolutely like they’re worth more than twelve dollars. An hour But then people would have to leave because it would get to that point And then other people would find better paying jobs so then the agency would just send us a random person you know for every shift and we had seven they we care and you know then people wouldn’t show up or they didn’t have transportation or whatever agency would say. Oh well maybe if the stimulus tax some of the. I don’t really care what it is. You told me my mom will never be alone and you understand that. Have to be sent out if someone doesn’t show up and you can’t get someone we had multiple times or my mom was alone for like six hours and i would just have to you know. Tell everyone at work. Sorry i got face time with my mom all all morning just to make sure she go anywhere and thankfully she. Nsa’s community and she really. She was fine but it was kind of like to the agency me. You told me she would never be alone. She has alzheimer’s it’s not like she has a broken leg and can physically survive for. It’s different when she’s a wonder risk and all that then we found one phenomenal caregiver. The best person ever I wish i could’ve taken her. North north love super active. Her not on got along so well she totally understood it. They’ll go horseback riding sailing. They do all men on loved as a kid But instead the agency just kept sending random people and i’m all is getting pissed off all these random people in because she didn’t recognize them the place with a mask because no one figured they’re going to there the next day and so they then you know.
00:40:15 – 00:45:06
Clean anything up. She was eating salads from seven eleven instead of like a nourishing meal and just no one cared because they were just fill-in person and so we. How long talks with agencies and essentially dixie this like amazing however she ended up picking up like almost all the ships and then they agency was like okay. We’ve got someone else who can fill in These two days. And i said well. Actually i gave it to my friend because honestly no she’s not gonna quit and she’s gonna show up and she’s not going to be late and she’s gonna shop and i’m gonna like actually i did because then like the only other person the agency given me by. Dixie then just stopped showing like no no no. That’s just never showed up so it’s like you just wonder all the stuff and you know we just had the pie hoax that we’re going to have like this situation where someone else. We’re gonna pay them to take care of it and it just was not the case and that was essentially the final straw. We were like well. Can’t let my mom go back to florida. We don’t live nearby You know tons of friends who are able to show up when i needed it to but it worked when i was like physically there and i was working from home. ’cause i can just keep working in the living room and keep her company or something But they just give you a false sense You know if you all excited that you’re gonna like have this huge burden off your shoulders and then it doesn’t go away now. And that’s a typical issue with all the agencies. It’s not an. I think it’s like nationwide the company that we used. We had like monday mornings in tuesday. Mornings a gallo is actually a cna as certified Actually she wasn’t assistant so she must have. She was a nurse and she would show up monday mornings my parents and she would take stock of like what food is in the fridge. What meals are available. Wakes like she like basically came in and and manage the household not just took care of my parents and my at the time. My brother-in-law worked at a grocery store. And so the monday tuesday morning cow would take stock of what was needed and what they had in all those you know. Typical details like Basically schmidt a grocery list texted to my sister who forwarded it to my brother-in-law and then my parents house was not horrifically out of the way from his drive home. I mean dropping off groceries a whole lot easier than a lot of other things he could have done. And you know he didn’t ever complain or anything but you know it was. It was a really easy good system. And then we had there was two gals like that and then we had probably half of the remaining ones or more than half were good but they didn’t necessarily take a lot of extra initiative. They just manage my parents and like i said my dad was really challenging. He was on hospice because of kidney failure and the toxins from the failing kidneys caused him to have memory loss so he didn’t realize he was on hospice dying and he wasn’t patient with anybody so he was really hard to be around and i have a funny story. I don’t remember the last time. I i mentioned it on the podcast but my dad was given because he was diabetic. The caregivers were trying to talk him through doing his insulin injection because they were not allowed to do it and they could draw the insulin into the needle but they couldn’t actually inject him okay so they were shoots trying and give try to give him the needle and my husband and i were there visiting and i think his mom was there to pick her up my way in. He was given that caregiver. Just absolute hell. I mean he was just yelling. And just i mean super obnoxious and i went into sort of trying to defuse the situation. I get verbally abused. I was like. I’m out not putting up with this. Crap is had been getting a lot of that the whole time. He’s on hospice. My husband and i are in the kitchen and we’re talking. We literally have our heads together touching. We’re trying to be a little bit quiet about it. And my mom literally pokes her head in between the two of us and she goes. He’s just being an ass. You should go in there and tell them to drop dead and i was like oh my lord was like this is like horrifically funny. So we’re laughing and she laughed at sort diffused the whole tension of the afternoon but it was like she does not have a clue what she just said is horrible. What she said. But it’s really hysterical like insane so the caregivers didn’t particularly like to deal with him.
00:45:06 – 00:50:19
Too much was one hundred percent understandable and then we had one gal who was young and at one point and this is like if you guys wanna skip thirty seconds ahead. I’m giving you a warning there. His legs would fill up with fluid and as he walked like to the restroom. You’ll have to trail and so. The hospice nurse suggested lightly wrapping his legs with like ace bandages to like kinda. Keep the ache to minimum. And this one younger i was like i am not doing that. And i’m like well then you’re not coming back and then was one overnight. Gal who was a disaster and would have been like she would have been told not to come back but it. I’m not even sure she did. Basically the really great gal showed up monday monday morning. My dad’s sitting in a in a he was sitting in a puddle of urine and the overnight gallons at all. I just changed him two hours ago. The really terrific gal goes in. She was so upset. She literally called the hospice nurse and that was the last week of my dad’s life and it was very challenging and difficult for everybody so i don’t even remember if they came back but yeah it was like for the most part. We just had the two that were troublesome and to that were just phenomenal and the rest of them. Were fine. Not great not bad but i understand that. That’s pretty common so i wanted to ask. How did you find us. Live in person is because i’m one of the ideas my sister and i had was to find somebody that would live with my mom for like room and board and some money like an older woman that didn’t have cognitive issues. Because i’m in california. I’m in the san francisco bay area. You live in cheap villes area as well so you know. There’s housing shortage in a lot of seniors. Have a really difficult time affording a mortgage or finding a place to rent. I always thought it would be really beneficial by get like two people to live in my mom’s house and help take care of her and then we’d also supplement you know like room and board is not quite enough for taking care of somebody with alzheimer’s but that went through all that actually with my mom being on an island There i mean there’s actually like a i don’t know if there’s a housing crisis out there. I mean. My brother actually just moved off the island. the ferry. The short the fast there is an hour the slow very soon have hours so it’s not close. It was thirty miles from shorts. Not close to me at. My brother actually just moved off island. And he’s doing kind of a commute because you just can’t find affordable housing out there so fortunate my mum on her house And so in the last like last year. She had a caregiver from florida. Who’s my age. And mine’s come and they got along great She was a nanny. We had hired me at first because it was a similar position until we got to a point where you’ve had to understand alzheimer’s and my mom needed a little more But though she wanted to come back she wanted to live on an token and and housing so crazy out there that We like oh well you can just live with my mom and super cheap rent. I mean like barely anything And that kind thing just a little last summer She was she was there until my mom got sick and it was kind of too much for her On that end but so we were trying to figure out various thing of You know we had people who wanted their parents who’ve out but their parents have a lot of money but had been home. Healthcare workers in the past and i was like all right. Can we make a deal. And then people then depend on a cop and people couldn’t really decide what they’re doing the we’d been trying to get creative on mess And then we were talking to the agency at home About daytime care thinking or new messengers pregnant that she was just gonna be out there for most of the summer. ’cause she wanted to be there and she can work remote And then they just happen to say. Oh we’ve got new program where we can find you. listen Can we talk more about that. And it’s a little more expensive than What it would be to have my mom at like a memory care facility so we can’t we probably can’t do this forever But it’s a lot better than if someone hourly so we give them a you. Know their own bedroom and She’s she’s been living person for ten years. And so i think she was living with her children And then until she got this job and she wanted to come back up. Talk it so it worked really well for us But we don’t want to get rid of our caregivers laura with her her son sam and we don’t want to get rid of them so we asked them what hours they actually needed to work with us And we’ve kind of been supplementing and they were able to find a little hybrid situations where we could still have normal people but it’s a lot cheaper than paying hourly carry around the clock And so she gets paid in rate and so it makes an assumption that you’re still able to sleep for ever exactly eight hours.
00:50:19 – 00:55:00
Well she can have ten. You know she’ll get more than that But through the eight of so we were trying to find other creative solutions that was constantly on the you know the local facebook around you know how they market thing anyone. Think trying to look for some crude of option And then does option where we could build a long term care policy Came out and we just took it also. It was like two weeks before. My mom got back to the island from florida. So we took it because we didn’t have option but it’s got wonderfully so far we’re one month in and It’s great my mom. Duluth her phone by an wondering. If i’m not hearing her complain about it because you can’t call me and i just got her a new one But i’m i’ve been told it’s going well by we’ve got because we’ve got these existing caregivers that we’ve had in past years and they’ve told me going while So yeah that’s awesome. Jim have a really good long-term care policy. Yeah i mean it. So it’s only the it’s essentially for years worth of care But we only started using it like barely last year. So i think we’ll get you know. Get a set amount But i think we’ll drag it out and when we longer But yeah it was really wonderful when you realized we could start using that because care’s expensive And you want to pay people for their efforts. you don’t wanna pam told dollars an hour but you’ve got to be able to afford to not paying full dollars an hour but you’re gonna get what you pay for And so having long term care policies definitely been huge Because i know the twenty four hour care with when my dad was on hospice. Your this was four years ago. Yes last year’s class chair just like a throwaway years. I have to like actually think about it and it was more money. It was twenty dollars an hour for them to take care of the two of them from the agency so it was over seven hundred dollars a day. It was actually more money than memory care. My mom was in and my mom was in beautiful and tastic place. I mean they didn’t pay the obey. Didn’t pay their people might well either. But they didn’t have a lot of turnover. There was certain caregivers that were there the entire time. My mom was there and that made me feel really good and then like i said my mom pass away. In march of twenty twenty. I went back in the day before. Halloween pointing twenty the deliver little cards and traits to the residents. There and it was really nice to see that you know the same memory care. Director was there and like yeah two of the three caregivers. I dealt with all the time. We’re still there. And i win at a different time of day than i was. Normally there so I think i think most of the ones that took care my mom. We’re still there so you know that’s pretty unusual but before it gets too much later like you you talked about going through your mom’s bank accounts and getting the power of attorney and all that stuff i know personally. It’s like i learned about that stuff in a bigger way after my dad died because we had to take care of my mom and i was her. Healthcare power of attorney and my sister and i were joint executors of the estate in thankfully like i said. My husband does all this. You know. Legal paperwork between banking in real estate What would you suggest you know like people like you and my daughter who will be thirty. This fall you know. What should you guys do to learn. Or what do you suggest they do to learn about all these kind of things that they might end up having to know about all the sudden. And i think that’s like that’s like my biggest for anyone. Whether parent has alzheimer’s or just your parents are gonna get old May you know getting stuff in order. And i’m fortunate. My my dad is in great health Seventieth birthday next week and he has everything we thought we were going through consolidating doing attorney doing all the time and my dad wanted his own. And i’ll thank. You know like i appreciate you getting all this. This kind of an order Because most people don’t and it’s a lot more difficult we’re really fortunate my My grandfather passed away. Like fifteen twenty years ago. His lawyer ham where like besties and so he.
00:55:00 – 01:00:02
His lawyer actually is the one who helped together on a non stuff And so yeah. I i mean getting the power of attorney is one thing and so we actually did something where we have a majority power of attorney which actually complicates everything so. Two of my similar myself. Anna sibling half off everything. ’cause i can’t go sign like salman on tomorrow without telling anyone And that’s what we were trying to avoid but it also means anything i find is part of attorney. I have to get my sister or my brother to all the But getting the power of attorney and the her state and we actually put everything until like over vilcabamba. Trust so it’s all like more organized and brother actually owns them on car and driver’s license anymore. her kangaroos us and Any like joint boats properties with my mom’s siblings we are working on dissolving or getting rid of But getting paperwork is like. I feel like the first step and getting the big accounts organize Three years later. I just found out about another one yesterday on. Come on. i thought i was done But it’s being okay using it and knowing when there’s a long time and it was like my mom can still find enough Not other where. I decided everything. That’s part of attorney. Most people don’t care They’ll just say oh you habit. And they’re not big things that i’m finding i’m finding i’ve heard Her change of address or something or whatever it’s the banks and You know the medical people who need their legal team and it’s kind of understanding what the power of attorney can get you. And and how i can help you And a lotta times. I do have to have a doctor’s note In financial situations from an old doctor so getting not so But it’s just. I think getting to that point where you realize that it’s okay to start making these decisions for your parents And you know. I was buying a car for my dad last year and Was like you know we found it near us. And we’re gonna drive it up. And i was trying to register his name medical carbs and i i do because my dad just did this but now not the right time you there for my dad liked sometime. The people were keep still capable tax in fact But for my mom. It was finally realizing i had to eventually become not that guardian And getting her kobe shot. You know they kept asking. Are you okay with you. Know with The fact that it’s not a approved all that but no nothing. She’s fine fine. You know like she wants it then asking you when you show up to a place like that. They don’t ask you. Does your mom have alzheimer’s. Why are you with her. You have to find a way without making her. Feel bad about saying that You know my way and the doctor is being like you know. They ask about allergies like oh. She had an allergic reaction to control trial. Like oh it was the clincal. I for alzheimer’s and then they of look at me like oh and then they kind of they directed comment to me or questions to be instead of her but it it’s learning how to use all these healthcare thing And just finally make the but also you gotta have them to use them. So don’t don’t wait till i know. A lot of people have waited until parents popped away. Were then they’re dealing with all the stuff About a lot of friends whose parents won’t let them get involved in things And that. I mean that’s terrifying because it’s going to be that much harder when they’re gone And i was at a point when i took over. My mom couldn’t tell me what accounts i what she has But you is you know. Don’t don’t wait. I guess. I feel like now we’re out of plateau at a place where we can arrive. this is a good place to getting married a lot. Yeah it’s amazing. How much paperwork there is. When like after my dad died it was like what more like geez. I think we would decree made him than we did to call his stupid paperwork. It wasn’t quite as bad with my mom but mostly that was because everything had been handled review asli but i know caregivers who have been like persuaded by a lawyer not to do like the power of attorney so and they’re older like older than me and now their parent is in late stage alzheimer’s and they don’t have control of any finances. God it’s just like a disaster movie on. i think it’s on netflix. Wherever it’s about the professional guardians Have you heard she goes in and she come into You know people who have no reason to have a guardian to go. Then convinced that the court she works with dr to court-appointed professional guardianship of them and he lakes options hundreds of clients.
01:00:02 – 01:05:00
And she just takes while their stuff. And then you don. She works with a long-term like facility. She sends them off and my boyfriend. We watched it was a great movie but he was like pissed right now. I am so pissed you know like this. Shouldn’t there shouldn’t be a thing you know people wouldn’t be able to take advantage of this And you know it took a lot. We were still able to ask my mom you know. Could you want attorney. And of course she had me. And i said well hold on. I wanna share it and know it. It worked or not done but my sister. I’ve talked about starting like an instagram Something about caregiving. Like how to prepare not the everyday struggled because a lot. I mean yes. There’s every day struggle. But i’m not i’m not always there But it’s like the paperwork. It’s the legal stuff. That’s the account with all that But we haven’t come up with a name and we also we’ve been talking about for year hasn’t happened not sure if ever well there’s a lot of other stuff going on and and this is good world you take your soon. Yeah exactly so. It may never happen But are like we want to share this information. We don’t want anyone anyone we know we’ll talk about it and usually recall from various friends of friends. And hey i’m going through this or random people at home the small islands You know someone will call and say hey. Can i pick your brain. And i’m happy to talk to people because I i think we had a lot of support. But not necessarily the best advice or support. And i i would Would love to you know. Always be able to share that information and suggestions and you know. It’s getting the diagnosis adding under stop driving on their own and get the legal stuff in order the big accounts in order and also figure out how much money you have to work with. Don’t have to work with also you don’t want your parents to run out of money and more difficult for you so if you can start managing things sooner And i think that goes without saying or apple summer. Do we did. Our trust are living trust last summer. And you know people. I was surprised because we felt really stupid. And guilty. ’cause it’s like. Oh my gosh mid fifties or does out doing this oh are terrible people a blah blah kind of beating ourselves up for finally getting you know finally. We’re doing it in our now. These horrible stupid people anymore. In the attorney that we worked with basically said no. You guys are kind of like ahead of the curve. And i’m like excuse me like near i. I was almost fifty four by fifties. Wait six two years older than i am. The whatever it was like right before our birthdays was also last year. So who knows. I don’t know how was last year and what was interesting is it was really simple if he asked questions you know. He knew that he’s in rotary club. So he knew that. My mom had passed away from alzheimer’s so we did talk about. You know that you know the challenges that can present in later life. If one of us ends up with alzheimer’s the only time that it was slightly difficult is we said well. You know everything will go to our daughter and he goes okay. that’s fine. what happens if she dies. I that so we have that too. Where the lawyers. What happens if all three of you at the same time i’m with. I don’t know it’s not going to happen. We just don’t fly together and you’re like you gotta have something and she goes fine. I wanna nieces nephews to start listening to them all. Who do you want to. I don’t know all of them and it’s like there’s three of us But yeah don’t i don’t remember what she did. I think it goes a but Because it my parents divorced so you know it’s not like it’s just going to go to my dad or something like that. So was interesting. You guys got that question too. ’cause like i mean you have to be in like some sort of tragic accident for all three of you guys to be so you know when. He asked me that. I was like excuse me. That’s that’s an ugly question but it’s a good one and we thought about it and you know she and her i call him. The almost son-in-law almost stepson whatever net almost son-in-law they wanna get married it does. There’s some like financial hiccups that actually making legal would cause them. So it’s like a whole thing know be simple and so it was like i think after thinking about it for about six months where like. Oh he’s been in our life like eight years now so like some happens to him like whatever you know. My sister got an inheritance you know she got what i got from our parents state. My we split. She and i split the third of my grandmothers estate. That my dad would have gotten so. It’s like you know my sister don’t need it out my mom’s like well i on my siblings don’t hurt that you know she’s sick. Like hurt them laying down there fine.
01:05:00 – 01:10:00
They got what she got. But i think that easy thing our family has always taken. It’s like oh just goes down to all of like our everything in the family. You know it just goes down to the next generation so she was like okay. I’ll put it off on them Joke on all them dying and they’ve got to deal with it all but whatever But also all my aunts and uncles are like oh any. You’re so organized. You’re now my car returning in charge of state. I was like wait a second. You don’t have to sign anything. I darn really shots My you’ll have kids and whatnot but But yeah i mean there’s a lot to learn about you know like even my boyfriend’s parents for social security fan and i can help you with that many got that down Yeah unfortunately it was just like that age. Were also like you know my mom. A lot of things changed. And fortunately Know she ended up with a pension and then healthcare supplemental. But you’ll learn about all that stuff and it’s like who wants to learn about signing up for social security and medicare at age twenty seven This is awful and it probably going to run out by the time then from even do it. Ya saying that. My whole adult life to and they did change. Let’s see not so scary. Medicare i do not qualify for medicare until i’m sixty seven and a half so i’ve got like more than a decade. I don’t even know what it is. You guys is like if you get it. You get it as probably the whole. Yeah no. it’s just that’s it is. Frustrating dealing with medicare was my least favorite thing and thankfully surprisingly being in real estate. My husband ends up dealing with a lot of people that are in our situation or yours mine. My pass situation and medicare would not deal with me unless i opposite social security. Now i can’t remember which one it was. I had to have a representative Mike don’t we sister. And i are in charge. Nothing like that so we had to do that. And so it’s like we put it down but we may my mom bank account It it’s part of the trump revoke trust. It’s like you know below remarkable trust or something And so we put it down. And i’m like okay. Well it’s going to be sent to you. And i was like well on her bank account so instead they’re like you know you’re you’re just in charge of or though you’re in charge of the country’s okay but i don’t want it to come to my big. Let’s keep things separate. Let’s keep things clean Trinh they’ll put it in her big Yeah because i was told we had open a separate bank account. We had the same thing to revoke. -able trust you know where to go through all these hoops to do the revoke trust for the bank account. How would awful yeah like. I don’t see that christmas eve and the only time that we were all together and we all had to be there and my aunt had actually been all my mom’s old account and she couldn’t end up coming our way but she’s coming on that day for some reason even though she’s doing christmas dinner with us and so we spend an entire christmas eve in a bank of america on florida on and we open a new account and i got the other ones close but it was a whole whole something It’s a lot so definitely you know of people. Avoid planning for our end end of life type stuff. Are you know living wills and trust and all that stuff because we just don’t like to think about it but you know what once you do it. It’s like while then idea. You know john young easier ones done. And that’s where. I have been so fortunate that i had that really great supervisor at work when i was getting all this people work done and she was great. ’cause i don’t know if that would be the case now but i don’t know in general like all that difficult But in the long term care policy you know again. I’m so happy mom has it. I and so fortunate that i like so much of the stuff we did get done sooner. And that wasn’t that wasn’t planned. That was kinda like outta luck. That i don’t know i mean it’s very unlucky. Situation have apparent with alzheimer’s especially at this age to be our age. But we’re in such a fortunate situation because of various things that were set up Ahead of time having the fund to care for her and all that and we got to a point where we did say if the care get well. I’ve said it like if the character guys more expensive then. What i’m making per year than all all switch you know maybe go do something else but Particularly with the new job. I myself here with the new pay but but it’s expensive and it’s just.
01:10:00 – 01:15:02
I don’t think anyone prepares for it like they’re supposed to and it’s up but but i’m you know definitely fortunate and you know finding support of people and all that so there’s a big challenge so i have one last question for you now. You know now. What i know about long term care insurance products. Are you gonna buy yourself a long term care policy sign. I don’t know how you decide when you buy it or anything like that. I think probably in her forties g. Well she was now. She had me when she’s thirty. She was not in her fortieth. Maybe she was in her fifties I think i probably would just because both my grandmothers had alzheimer’s and had alzheimer’s. There’s probably pretty good chance. I’m gonna end up with it My sister likes to say. She thinks that they’re gonna find a cure for alzheimer’s by that. And i’m not holding out hope if we haven’t had a new drug like approved by the fda hall of famers like politics two thousand nine hundred ninety three one of them. I i want to be optimistic but I’m gonna try and be the realist here. So i would probably got it. It’s definitely been beneficial for us. then not getting it. I totally get getting from my understanding our policies that you can get now. I did talk to this guy years ago. But i would assume that they’ve gotten better not worse but who got only knows right now. I don’t like i believe the term isn’t annuity. So you pay into it for a certain amount of time and then then you like fully vested again. This is not my strong suit. I like to do. I knew i have not been able to fully figure out her retirement. And i just ended up calling someone that was doing her investing and i said i don’t really know what does it tell me. I should get rid of it or not going to transfer some stuff and all that. And every time i hear about an annuity i still don’t get how it works. Which is funny that that’s what you brought up. Well it’s an may maybe using the wrong term. And i will link the the the the episode has called long term care insurance explained. I thought people would like totally hate and it was a really popular so out for i remember pioneered the updated and so maybe i should call that guy again but there was basically policies that you could get like at your stage of life and then you’d be fully vested in whatever by forty or fifty and then the amount of money didn’t change but you didn’t have to keep pain so it’s like okay. Well i’m i’m gonna listen to that. Nine percent certain was twenty. Nineteen to udougov back. I started in twenty teams. Like to look stuff sundays but yeah it was really interesting to learn about and my husband and i are at the age where it’s like. Do we do it but you know we. We actually probably sit down with Our personal insurance person doesn’t do long-term care we. Shall i find somebody that does and find out. Like be socking away even more money in our in our retirement investments or should we like take some of it in by these policies and if we by then we don’t use them what happens. It’s like that’s like the last little bit of adulting. We have to look out for us. It was do we start using it and then it’s like well. What if she just like dice. Morrow like what happened to it and we’re like okay we should. There’s no reason to just not start using it as soon as because you know. Maybe it runs out. But then she’ll have more money in her checking account. I don’t know you know decisions. That kind of stinks. My sister thankfully is pretty good. She’s not in finance but her husband is and thankfully she’s got the that knowledge of my brothers about artistic mind He’s really great when you’re feeling than our in charter fee and all that and I’m i don’t know. I don’t know how good managing but i’ve become better at it very organized and my sister is just good at. I’m like i don’t know. Do i send money to like one or savings and drive off. The last year is gonna pay off the house. And she was like well marcus. Let’s do it But i didn’t have her doing that. I probably wouldn’t take any of the bigger risks or things that i have done with. Money can so scared of running out because then she’s moving with me. Let’s ask you at least what the long-term karen policy that she’s got if it only lasts for ten years and she lives for fifteen or like. My mom was twenty. It’s allowing you guys to get further along in your adult leslie careers. So maybe you’ll be at a point where you can be like in charge hookah. Yeah yeah or just you can change the culture and make it more of a workplace that finds ways of allowing you to do your full time job and take care of all the stuff that there’s absolutely and that’s one of the great things about also i mean going for the federal government also have started the job that might not be al.
01:15:02 – 01:20:01
It’s cracked up to be. But because they’ve done so much more with family leave and they have really great benefits and not so. It’s a lot of that. Hopefully we’re going out to my benefit I think it’s you know it’s different than my old job. So i think a lot of. It’s gonna change. Because i think after what happened last year and i know a lot of people living with the busies shutdowns caused their progression to happen faster. There’s this like little positive things that happened with this insane. Pandemic and that’s i think one of them is like employers realize. Hey you know we can. We can get full productivity out of somebody that’s working at home in their jammies and doing god knows what else across their lap. And i’ve worked from home for sixteen years and it’s like i never understood why they thought people wouldn’t be productive visits dislike. I definitely was not productive in religion. Michigan I had to learn to you have to you have to. You can’t work. While maybe some people i personally cannot work on the couch with the tv. On and think i’m going to be productive so it’s like learning to have that separate space and all that you know. When i moved to detroit. We had a lot of that was like near the arctic blast or whatever. I don’t know negative degrees for we come in and all this no the world And so i didn’t go into the office a lot. ’cause weather and so i had to learn to work from home and so it made thing a little easier because i’d already figured out how to work from home where a lot of my co workers were struggling and i’m sure they all have figured it out by now or you know over a year end so Now the going back to the all one obviously people that want to. Because they’re like give me the hell out of this house and then there’s people that are like yeah wouldn’t mind doing a hybrid thing but how do we make that work in and there’s some people are like You’re gonna drag me kicking and screaming back into that office. no which. I personally think two things. I think they’re going to find out that along of what causes. Alzheimers is that our modern life is really crappy for us. You know Processed foods and commuting in the stress and the all the distractions and noises. And it’s just like i. Just i just think that it’s not great for us so i’m hoping that last year kind of top people that slowing down in tuning out the world. The world being tuned out temporarily was a good thing. But i also think it’s better for environment which is obviously better for us. If you’re not commuting you’re you’re not polluting the air you’re under less stress. You get more time with your kids or your parents or your dog and more time to like spend in your community and i think when we spend more time in our community like you said your mom was on many took island and because it’s a small community you guys have kinda had options where people like me out here in the suburbs about fifty miles northeast of san francisco like while i don’t know because we moved into the pandemic happened in. I only know some of my neighbors that The one one of the guys next door these great. He and my husband have like garbage. Can races like which one of them to get the garbage cans out to the street. I we’ve been here over a year. And i’m like i don’t even know what they garbage is because those two are always battling over the trash can and you know but they’ve got special needs family members in their own home you know and it’s like if we’d known each other better before the pandemic it’s like. I probably could help if they needed help. But it’s like because we don’t really know everybody break. They have no clue. And i just think we need to pull in as a community better and we need to take better care of ourselves and those people around us so well the big thing with the pandemic was also do we keep them cooped up and not let her do anything thankfully florida’s fairly open so that things the but it was. Do we say no. You can’t see any of their friends or whatever the pandemics but kinda got to a point where we were probably more lenient than most Simply in the sense of if this is gonna be moms last year of life. Do we want her to have spent it with her friends and happiness. She could ever be. And i think the honestly year has been phenomenal for her. She’s had such wonderful days And it could have been completed opposite. It could have been Like so many people where they declined so much and we were terrified that this year was going to be essentially killed from from the ‘isolation that we chose to take that risk and fortunate. She can get cohen. I mean we were still safe for sure but We still make sure she had a lot of interactions. And all that because we weren’t really willing to take that and we are looking at memory care and we’re like we’re not. We’re not putting her in memory care until this kinda makes over and around vaccines and all that.
01:20:01 – 01:25:01
Which of course now coming up and we’re trying to do but it was that that’s going to be so much more detrimental than you know. She is extremely healthy. Except for all which is unfortunate and not the way but also men bet like. I’m not a doctor. But i think she could have potentially survived cova if she got him. I’ll get your you know whatever But the isolation would have been so much worse for her or this compare last year of life and everything go downhill and we just weren’t really willing for it to be a that’s kind of what killer She’s got enough other going on you know so But i am. She kinda came out on You know vaccinated now. So that’s great. You know we can be a little less worried and all that but but it’s terrifying thing of all the people who you didn’t have that opportunity to be in florida be outside all the time and you know she’d been up in massachusetts probably would have been different in the cold weather and Or the friends who are also willing to kind of take a risk on their own. She had a alex or by people But you know they hadn’t been willing to take that risk of would’ve even more top for her Yeah i have told people. There’s just some people like. I promised myself in kind of in in in promising myself. It was kind of making a promise to my mom who had like no clue what i would be talking about. If i had said it to her. I was not going to do anything to prolong dying from alzheimer’s She was the same way. She talked in full sentences the latte the last year of her life. They didn’t make any sense. But it was actual words and it formed the sentence. There was just no context. You had no idea what she was like. Somebody comes up into starts in the middle of a sentence at. You’re like what are you talking about. And she walked. You know so. She tried to help the other residents where she lived. Which is why. I figured she’d live longer and i am so thankful that if she had to like die a little Suddenly that it was right at the beginning of the pandemic because we always went to the park to watch kids and there was no kids in the parks. The parks were closed. Which i never really understood but i know p no. You couldn’t go visit her or something and the are thought of well. We can’t go visit her them. We’re gonna take out she of us and then we’re gonna have to be out care. We of plan ahead find care not have one of us they were. I didn’t see her the last two weeks of her life. I did see her the day before she passed away But had it been further into the shutdowns because this was literally while cases who broke her leg march eighth. She went back to the care home march twelfth. I saw her every other day. Until the sixteenth sixteenth is when our governor shut down the seven counties in san francisco area bay area and so they were like. Nobody’s coming in. And then i saw her on the thirtieth so it was like whatever that is fourteen two weeks exactly and then she passed away the next day and they did let us in the next day and there was literally ten of us. Was you know my husband. And i the daughter almost step nice again. They almost son-in-law my sister and her family which is four. That’s eight am i. My mom’s younger brother and sister who are somewhat locals there was ten of us. Poor executive director was about to have a stroke Any didn’t basically say get the hell out. I mean at that point. It was a little bit late but you know he was. He’s trying to encourage us to continue our conversation in the parking lot after but you know further along in. They probably would’ve not let us in and that would have been just horrible and she was such a such a challenge. She couldn’t have come with me. ’cause i have a two story house so that wouldn’t have worked. It’s just like you know it was just it. I’m so glad. I didn’t have to navigate the pandemic and her at the same time. But it’s like. I would have taken her any place that was open have gone to the park gone. She walked really slows. That was never fun. But you know i just i kind of felt like you know you guys are so paranoid of cova did of them dying from cova that you’re killing them from isolation could you just take a breath step back and think you know like what are you afraid of. They’re gonna die. We’re all going to die. So let’s get that out there. Don’t know anybody that still live in from one hundred years ago or maybe a little more than and innocent like think about it like we need to help them live well with alzheimer’s we need to give them a vest quality of life as possible and don’t drag it out. I mean like my mom lived for twenty years with alzheimer’s that was enough and your could easily as well because she’s young like my mom was in You know hopefully while you know supposedly winston generate or once in a lifetime pandemic so i should have this again. Hopefully you won’t either.
01:25:01 – 01:29:24
Yeah this is really great a little longer than normal but this has been fun and fascinating just love. Hearing other people’s stories you have like last bit of advice before we run off into the night your night my f- i mean it’s definitely just get things organized when earlier rather than later because then you can go onto spending time with your loved one if you’re not just trying to see your out how to change the address on their bills and how to pay them what accounts they have so I feel like. I finally got that stuff down and i think that’s allowed me to enjoy my time with them and also my siblings A lot of taking a toll on us but indefinitely. I really liked your idea of writing down what you do every week and how you can get people to help because everyone has asked how to help and Oftentimes you’re just frustrated. ’cause you know lots of people grandparents have alzheimer’s and i’m like no mine. Had though too it’s different when your parents and you don’t have another parent at spend time with them But yeah and figure out how to ask for help And how to. Ill remotely have a life because i know my mom want to spend time with us. But she also warms those online so just getting organized utterly as possible And that goes for again anyone with or without timers Has takes off single. Yeah so We’re learning go but Thumbnail will get that instagram up with all heard about legal and banking how that but definitely not there yet. Well if you wanna just send me like in the post post online and then you see guys a hybrid instagram account. And i’m like. I could probably do that but i have like five hundred other things to do. Your sister is up in the night with a newborn. She gets an idea. You know you can even send the ideas of the tip to me. And i’ll make the post because i you know heart back i. I’m assuming your brother is a portrait and wedding. Photographer asked also fashioned. He started with like portrait’s than landscape and Weddings Does those dell. But he’s now the chief photographer for magazine nantucket on back home. So he does like the fashion. Shoot up nice. I guess that. Because i was a photographer until last year and the moving was basically downsizing which meant i would have had to everything on location and in the pandemic. I thought you know what we downsized to like. Live within our least amount of income. So the hell of it so i retired back yard and i’d cast doesn’t make me any money but keeps me from going nuts. So sign up. These wonderful shouldn’t yeah. And i have really appreciate it. I mean when you had told me you had another millennial caregiver on and i was like the same similar not similar in alpha. I was like oh you know connected with her and There’s lots of really great information and Yeah i i know. My siblings listen journalists and whatnot so a lot of great information and there’s always information a share for around alert each other. So thank you. Well you might hear something. Today that clicks that i’ve said five other times and it wasn’t the right time to hear it so i just i keep. I don’t know we’ll just keep doing this until we run out of things to talk about. Which apparently with music never going to happen. If you’ve gotten this far. I appreciate you guys so much. I know this was a long one. And so i’m going to keep the end of this very short. If you haven’t subscribed to my youtube channel please go over and do that. I am working on some youtube specific content. Although my life is getting a little bit crazier but still going work on it for you and next week you guys are going to be very happy to hear how to get medicaid to pay without going broke i and guess what. It’s not an hour and a half so thank you so much for hanging in there with me today gang and as always i’ll be in your ears again next tuesday.